I need to vent
Recently I did a musical theatre showcase showdown, which was a lot of fun. EXCEPT that one of the Judges, Allen Sawyer, has decided for some reason that I'm no good. He called me back fro one of his shows, and didn't cast me, and then on Sunday gave me all 75% in every category he judged me, while the other guy gave me almost all 100%! And then a good friend of mine (who got cast in Allen's show) confided to me that Allan told him, when talking about me "Well, there's a reason she didn't get cast and you did". Which is simply inappropriate. I'm thinking about asking him next time I see him (because he has a crush on said friend, and sometimes comes to Martunis on Monday nights). I'm thinking about saying something like "I just wanted to pick your brain a little more about the showdown." and see what he says, followed by a slip of "and I heard that you have been talking to some of your cast about how there's a reason I wasnt cast in your show. Do you mind me asking if you really said that and why?" What do you think?
I'm starting to think that the only things I'm truly good at are stage managing and choreographing. I even don't think I'm a very good bookkeeper. I realize now, that after about 6 months of doing it I tire of it until I get a big break, come back, and enjoy it for another 6 months. I feel that my productivity level has dropped at work due to my loss of enthusiasm. And I think that my bosses can see that. And I don't like it any more than they do and I don't know what to do about it - I'm motivated enough to research how to be more productive, but not motivated enough to actually implement it. And this makes me feel terrible, because this is such a great company to work for. I want to like bookkeeping, but I only kinda do.
So that leaves me here: I'm having a BLAST working as a stage manager on my first musical (I don't count the Berkeley Rep dance show as a musical.) and I wonder if this is something I might be happy doing for the rest of my life. I meet theatre peolpe that I can relate to, still contribute to the artistic process, and can actually make a living wage if I go equity... I think musicals are just more fun all around. And I'm good at stage managing. And whenever I do something I'm good at, successfully, I feel gratification and a sense of satisfaction. I like problem-solving. I like fixing things. And so far I haven't been able to discover anything I'm as good at as Stage Managing and Choreographing.
And at the same time it's frustrating because I can make so much more money in fincances. But there's higher liability and it's not as fun. Two sacrifices that I'm not sure I'm willing to make. So I guess I'll keep on truckin at this job until I get fired or become equity...
thoughts?
I'm starting to think that the only things I'm truly good at are stage managing and choreographing. I even don't think I'm a very good bookkeeper. I realize now, that after about 6 months of doing it I tire of it until I get a big break, come back, and enjoy it for another 6 months. I feel that my productivity level has dropped at work due to my loss of enthusiasm. And I think that my bosses can see that. And I don't like it any more than they do and I don't know what to do about it - I'm motivated enough to research how to be more productive, but not motivated enough to actually implement it. And this makes me feel terrible, because this is such a great company to work for. I want to like bookkeeping, but I only kinda do.
So that leaves me here: I'm having a BLAST working as a stage manager on my first musical (I don't count the Berkeley Rep dance show as a musical.) and I wonder if this is something I might be happy doing for the rest of my life. I meet theatre peolpe that I can relate to, still contribute to the artistic process, and can actually make a living wage if I go equity... I think musicals are just more fun all around. And I'm good at stage managing. And whenever I do something I'm good at, successfully, I feel gratification and a sense of satisfaction. I like problem-solving. I like fixing things. And so far I haven't been able to discover anything I'm as good at as Stage Managing and Choreographing.
And at the same time it's frustrating because I can make so much more money in fincances. But there's higher liability and it's not as fun. Two sacrifices that I'm not sure I'm willing to make. So I guess I'll keep on truckin at this job until I get fired or become equity...
thoughts?