(no subject)
Have you ever felt unwanted? hated? just out of place?
I have. I feel it almost everyday.
I feel like I don't have a friends anymore. Yes people say Oh i miss you, we need to get together and hang out. BUT DO THEY ACTUALLY PLAN A DATE or ACTUALLY HANG OUT?!?!
NO they don't because ya they might miss you, but they have their new friends to deal with. I'm just apart of their memory now. The only person that actually followed through was shelby. We actually made plans to see eachother and do a sleepover thing even though she has other friends and her North life. I just don't understand people sometimes.
Yes I know I have a busy schedule, I have school from 6:30 in the morning till 5 (game nights 8) at night. But I still make time for the people that I care for. I try to talk to people that I don't see anymore and keep in touch, but slowly everything is fading away from me. I don't have friends anymore, i can acquaintances.
At school, I'm not the pretty one that gets all the guys, or the girl who everyone wants to be friends with. I'm the weird, dancing, friendly chick that is trying to make it through high school. I hardly know myself anymore.
I do good in school and get good grades and work hard to achieve what I want, but it doesn't make me feel any better. So what if I'm ranked number one out of 730 freshman, I'm not happy though. I can fake really easily when it comes to when I'm around people, but deep down i just want to have my friends again
I'm tired of crying at night hoping tomorrow will be better
tired of doing nothing over the weekends
tired of being the crazy girl at school
i want to be normal, with all kinds of friends who do stuff together
I want to be noticed when I walk by a group of guys
I don't want to be who I am
You may think you know me, but people change. And I have changed greatly. I'm not who I use to be. I'm the girl you go to when you want to be cheered up, but who is there to cheer me up?
So what if you think this update is pointless or like everyone elses these days
I'm not faking what I just wrote. This is real, as real as it gets and I just wanted to write down my thoughts