The Beginning
A/N:
This is inspired by One Ok Rock's The Beginning and Etcetera. Do you know their band? If so, they're VERY good, right? And for those who didn't know them yet, hurry up and find them a very talented group especially Taka, their vocalist. I bet you're going to
fell in love with them. Here's the link of their live perf of 'wherever you are' > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOjpBKNlkzU and here's the link of their radio perf singing the same song > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyr6NuoYaIM .
and i hope this fic is okay for you guys... enjoy~! ♥
The Beginning
As the world falls apart around us
All we can do is hold on, hold on…
Have you ever felt like the world means nothing to you when you’re with him? Like, you don’t care what people might think when you’re holding hands, or even when you’re cuddling and kissing in the dark? Have you ever felt like you’re going to have a heart attack whenever he’s acting so cool and tough you want to drool just seeing him being so cool in your eyes?
Well, have you ever felt like all the faces you see every day are his face, watching your every step, imagining he’s always there? Have you ever gone insane because of him? Yes? If so, you have already felt like the world just crashed upon you when he left you. Like, you now hate the world that doesn’t mean to you before but now, all of a sudden, you’re blaming it for the loss, the heartache and the pain you felt when he left you behind. Yes? Then, I guess, I’m not the only one who’s hurting and hiding inside my own protective box. I’m not the only one who’s badly injured, with a shattered heart and messed-up life. If love can make you like this, I think everybody should stop loving.
If love can make you suffer when it’s tore, then, everyone should close their doors and lock it tight so no one could ever enter to destroy your heart all over again.
I’m doing this method. And I’m keeping my oath to myself. I am a free man and everyone should follow me.
My heart is safe from the temptation of love has to offer. Whenever I wake up in the morning, I have this smile on my face that says nobody can ever harm my heart no more. But, after all these years of hiding my heart and my life from this cruel world, I still felt that something is still missing. Like, there’s a tiny bit of hole inside of me and I couldn’t finally be complete without finding how to close that hole and become whole once again. Like, the one last piece of my puzzled heart is still missing and I don’t know where to find it. Will love can solve it?-no I don’t think so. I’m thru with love, feeling it, holding onto it and even grasping to this illusionary feeling. Yes! I am bitter. Bitter to the point if love has a human form, I would be the first one to kill it. Because love had killed me before, I wish to kill it before it controls me once again.
Love is nothing but a filthy feeling. Yes. An etcetera no one should ever pay attention to because it’s only one of those feelings to be ignored.
Don’t worry it’s safe right here in my arms
But, that etcetera keeps getting in my way. Living like a monk after a heart-break is like I’m starting to keep a steady and silent life but recently, something keeps on bothering me to the point I can’t fall asleep. Like, it’s all starting to that first time I ever felt like I’m a vampire and falling asleep is so hard for me to do…
Flashback…
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Hyukkie. Forever and Always. Remember that.”
….
“Why? I thought you love to stay forever? Why now?”
“I’m sorry. I guess, I was wrong. I don’t know, Hyukkie. I’m truly sorry.”
….
“I promise you that I will always be here, hmm?”
“You promise? Forever and always?”
“Yes. Forever and always, Hyukkie.”
….
“Why are you doing this to me, Hyukkie? Can’t you see I’m getting rid of you now?!”
“I’m tired of you.”
“I don’t want you anymore.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t love you anymore.”
End of flashback…
It was a nightmare, a disaster and like a broken machine that couldn’t be repaired anymore. From time to time, it haunts me and there will always be tears in my eyes reminiscing back the old memories that I wish God to take away from me.
It’s so hard to live like this, the feeling of being unwanted and unloved. And now, I think I should blame myself from now on for doing the same thing over again: to fall in love, to feel love and to start beating my heart once again.
It’s going to happen again. And, I’m scared that when I let someone take over my heart once again, I will die for the second time.
But, maybe it is worth a try then. I don’t know. It’s just that, I started to feel so good inside. Like, there are fireworks in my eyes, butterflies in my stomach and most specially, the feeling of being so whole and complete inside. It’s just like all I ever wanted. Like, everything is so very clear to me. That, love is a very special feeling all should feel and experience while living in this beautiful world. Love is magical and it moves you, believe you me.
The past doesn’t matter to me anymore. I couldn’t care less. This new love I have found brought me peace and assurance that it will never go wrong. It’s the real deal. There are no exit doors and holes for that love to escape. I’m locking it up inside my chest so my heart can finally be free from my chains.
Finally, I can say with my lips the words I longed to speak and my ears to hear the words I longed to hear.
I love you and I know you love me too.
Donghae,
Thank you. For giving me time to think about how will I live without you when we get old and gray. Thank you for finding your way back to me. And, thank you ‘Love’ for the love I am feeling right now and for the love I felt and for the love I am going to feel from this day forth. I promise you, I will make sure to treasure it and fight for love until the day I die.
So, please…
Just give me a reason
To keep my heart beating
THE END.
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