Communications open
Last night was rather a surprise. I hadn't even planned to speak to Kerry on the phone. She said she had things to discuss, things which had been playing on her mind in the last couple of days since the week-long afterglow of me giving her the news of my arrival. I was quite nervous. She phoned. She asked whether my arrival now will impact our long term plans, money-wise, and at what stage I planned to be going over there to stay. All fair questions, of course. I admitted that although I was paying more than I was expecting, it shouldn't affect the long term plan. I have money saved and I'm planning to sell my Peugeot 306 Diesel car when the time comes, which will put me in good stead.
I somehow skirted the issue of whether I needed to start the process of immigration before I went out to America. I said that the process would start when I get there. I don't think she realises that the main way we will be together is through marriage - that's how I would hopefully get my GreenCard. If I go over to stay, I will propose and should she accept, we will be married and I will try my damnednest to get into America that way. It does sound cut and dried, and rather cold, but it's not. Kerry herself said that we've both known for a long time that we won't find anyone else like each other, who connects with the other like we do. And it's true. At the beginning of the relationship, Kerry jokingly remarked "I'm going to ruin you for other women, Michael." I laughed it off, but she's right. I just can't imagine anyone else out there like her. I'm not even thinking of looking.
Kerry did sense that I was having apprehensions and doubts. She asked me what I feared. I divulged a few things which have been playing on my mind for months. Leaving family behind, the possibility of my parents dying (and thus never seeing them again), working in America. She tried to reassure me, that funds would be set aside each month with the specific intention of reuniting me and my family at intervals. She realises that I may feel some regret about not living on my own - moving, as I would be, from my parents house to Kerry's house, to not experience life on my own. She did it when she left home and moved in with her [now] ex-husband. She had thought of these things. I hadn't given her the credit for doing so.
I do have some niggling thoughts from the conversation, as well as some irritations at work, but I think my path to America is a little clearer now. I thanked Kerry for being honest and, well, forcing me to open up so we could talk. It's a marker of how much she has changed. Three years ago, she still wouldn't have asked me about the plans for months after now, but she said that I have changed her attitude. She is stronger. She wants to know what is going on, rather than hide it away. She admitted that she had kept her distance from asking me things because she knew they are overwhelming.
She reiterated something she said months ago [but which I ignored then because I thought she was saying it because she thought she had to].. she said amidst by emotional deluge, "I've always said that I don't want you here if you are going to be miserable. If this is too big for you, and it IS big - you're changing everything in your life - if it's too big for you to do, then I will have to accept it." She sounded a little sniffly, but there were no tears from her. It was calm and considered. We agreed that we have the best time together, we fit, we connect. All true. We're even blessed with being great in bed together too. This is where the conversation floated towards the end. We agreed that things can and will be discussed further face to face. But only, she said, "after I've fucked you until your eyeballs spin out of their sockets."
I collected my tickets today. I'm going to check out the FREE travel insurance deal that I remembered my bank offered when I was upgraded to a Graduate Account. Graduate indeed. I think Mrs.Robinson has well and truly seduced me.
In other news, my car's glow plugs [??] are faulty, thus it will not start. Getting it sorted tomorrow. Great timing though, with three night shifts coming up [starting tonight] and also me with things to do and buy before I go away. I need more clothes. Kerry said we could go shop at Old Navy. Whatever that is.
I somehow skirted the issue of whether I needed to start the process of immigration before I went out to America. I said that the process would start when I get there. I don't think she realises that the main way we will be together is through marriage - that's how I would hopefully get my GreenCard. If I go over to stay, I will propose and should she accept, we will be married and I will try my damnednest to get into America that way. It does sound cut and dried, and rather cold, but it's not. Kerry herself said that we've both known for a long time that we won't find anyone else like each other, who connects with the other like we do. And it's true. At the beginning of the relationship, Kerry jokingly remarked "I'm going to ruin you for other women, Michael." I laughed it off, but she's right. I just can't imagine anyone else out there like her. I'm not even thinking of looking.
Kerry did sense that I was having apprehensions and doubts. She asked me what I feared. I divulged a few things which have been playing on my mind for months. Leaving family behind, the possibility of my parents dying (and thus never seeing them again), working in America. She tried to reassure me, that funds would be set aside each month with the specific intention of reuniting me and my family at intervals. She realises that I may feel some regret about not living on my own - moving, as I would be, from my parents house to Kerry's house, to not experience life on my own. She did it when she left home and moved in with her [now] ex-husband. She had thought of these things. I hadn't given her the credit for doing so.
I do have some niggling thoughts from the conversation, as well as some irritations at work, but I think my path to America is a little clearer now. I thanked Kerry for being honest and, well, forcing me to open up so we could talk. It's a marker of how much she has changed. Three years ago, she still wouldn't have asked me about the plans for months after now, but she said that I have changed her attitude. She is stronger. She wants to know what is going on, rather than hide it away. She admitted that she had kept her distance from asking me things because she knew they are overwhelming.
She reiterated something she said months ago [but which I ignored then because I thought she was saying it because she thought she had to].. she said amidst by emotional deluge, "I've always said that I don't want you here if you are going to be miserable. If this is too big for you, and it IS big - you're changing everything in your life - if it's too big for you to do, then I will have to accept it." She sounded a little sniffly, but there were no tears from her. It was calm and considered. We agreed that we have the best time together, we fit, we connect. All true. We're even blessed with being great in bed together too. This is where the conversation floated towards the end. We agreed that things can and will be discussed further face to face. But only, she said, "after I've fucked you until your eyeballs spin out of their sockets."
I collected my tickets today. I'm going to check out the FREE travel insurance deal that I remembered my bank offered when I was upgraded to a Graduate Account. Graduate indeed. I think Mrs.Robinson has well and truly seduced me.
In other news, my car's glow plugs [??] are faulty, thus it will not start. Getting it sorted tomorrow. Great timing though, with three night shifts coming up [starting tonight] and also me with things to do and buy before I go away. I need more clothes. Kerry said we could go shop at Old Navy. Whatever that is.