letters to inanimate objects
Dear email,
Please, allow me to get information about Pearl Jam tickets. Remember last time when you withheld the information from me for like three days? And then the email was sitting there as if it had been since Thursday? Well, email, that is fucked up. You CANNOT and WILL NOT do that again.
Love, Beth
Dear work pants,
Yes, I know there is a hole in the crotch of you. I know you don't like it. But the fact is, the other black pants I bought are just too crazy for work, and my other black pants fall down and show the world my ass. All I ask is that you make it through ONE MORE WORK DAY and then I promise to take you out of your misery. I promise! I will throw you out! I will never wear you again! PLEASE just don't embarass me tomorrow. Please.
Love, Beth
Please, allow me to get information about Pearl Jam tickets. Remember last time when you withheld the information from me for like three days? And then the email was sitting there as if it had been since Thursday? Well, email, that is fucked up. You CANNOT and WILL NOT do that again.
Love, Beth
Dear work pants,
Yes, I know there is a hole in the crotch of you. I know you don't like it. But the fact is, the other black pants I bought are just too crazy for work, and my other black pants fall down and show the world my ass. All I ask is that you make it through ONE MORE WORK DAY and then I promise to take you out of your misery. I promise! I will throw you out! I will never wear you again! PLEASE just don't embarass me tomorrow. Please.
Love, Beth