RIP, little buddy
It's 1:19 in the morning, and I just got home from sitting at Waffle House alone for about an hour, just had a few cups of coffee.
I found out tonight that my friend Imran and two of his buddies were killed in a car accident yesterday. They were on their way to the Dave Matthews show here in Atlanta, and their car hydroplaned and was struck by an oncoming semi-truck. I'm not even sure what to say. I talked to Tony for a little while tonight, and he was saying that there wasn't a single person that disliked him, in fact, everyone actively liked him. He was one of the nicest guys I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, not a mean bone in that kid's body, just always overflowing with life.
It's funny because I was just kind of thinking about this two nights ago. I was watching Hotel Rwanda alone in my basement, and at one point, I could feel myself beginning to tear up from what I was seeing. That took me aback a bit, because I've always been someone who's pretty stable emotionally, not very susceptible to the world around me emotionally speaking. And yet here I was was, alone in my basment, almost getting choked up by a movie I'd already seen before. I thought to myself, Maybe I am getting more emotional as I get older.
As I said, I've never been emotional. I can still remember the night when I was probably nine years old or so, hearing that my uncle had just died. My whole family was sitting around the dinner table crying, and I just couldn't do anything. I can only remember two times in any sort of recent memory that I've cried. I wouldn't say I'm emotional right now, just thoughtful. Right after I heard the news, I had to get into my car and drive somewhere. I was so freaked out. I realized that I've been driving around in my car, flying around in the rain for the past week with complete disregard. They were just unlucky, some stupid little puddle of water. It just made me realize how fragile we are. Gah, we are fragile.
But while we're here, we can't be afraid of death. I think that's mostly why I've never been able to show feelings about this, I just don't see the point of crying over it. It's not the end. And yes, when someone dies we may miss them, but we always have their memory with us. We have those silly things that they did that stick with us, not their absence. I know it's clichéd, but, seriously, if they could tell us anything, it'd be, "Stop whining, I'm fine. You're just being silly." Tony and I were laughing together about how Imran was the whitest Indian guy ever born, with his stupid Hawaiian flowers Jimmy Buffet hat with the sunglasses and crokies and his entire music collection consisted of Buffet, Dave Matthews, and O.A.R. He was a nutball. When we lived right across from each other in the dorms, he'd always come into my room asking me a question about his Spanish homework or would want me to edit an English paper. I remember his funny away message about studying for absurd chemistry tests. There was one time where he collected about 200 aluminum cans and stacked them all up outside our RA's door in the middle of the night.
I know this doesn't make anything any better, but at least for me, it's some sort of comfort. When they had the accident, they were on the way to go see Dave Matthews. Imran loved Dave. When they were in that car, he must've been so excited, so pumped about getting to go. He will always be linked in my mind with his music. So, for me, I at least find some comfort--perhaps for his sake--that he died doing what he loved (in a way).
So, there I sat at the counter in a Waffle House, silently sipping on any one of my three cups of black coffee, staring off into the distance and thinking but inadvertantly staring at frying hash browns on the griddle. I did alot of thinking about alot of things, life, death, faith, love, career. It's funny how sometimes you can be so unwaveringly convinced of something, and then just give it a few days and you're completely unsure, which just erodes at that already crumbling confidence even further. But it was good to sit there by myself and think.
I can feel myself getting more weighed down by the things of this world, thinking about things, worrying about things, all of that. But at the same time, I don't want to be just mindlessly ignorant and evasive about everything. I can do that quite easily, especially as soon as school starts. It's so easy to slip into mindlessness.
You know, it's funny the power of music. Sitting there at Waffle House, with six people in there (three of whom were waitresses) "My Girl" by the Temptations came on. My waitress, a really sweet, big black lady named Lillie started singing along with it to herself. That made me smile. That made me realize that there are hands greater than mine where I can put all of this stuff. It'll work out, I don't need to worry about anything. Because when I know, I'll know. And that sounds great to me.
Anyway, I hope everyone had a pleasant evening. Enjoy life, it's incredible how quickly it can be snatched away from us. Take care. I love all of you guys.
Andy
I found out tonight that my friend Imran and two of his buddies were killed in a car accident yesterday. They were on their way to the Dave Matthews show here in Atlanta, and their car hydroplaned and was struck by an oncoming semi-truck. I'm not even sure what to say. I talked to Tony for a little while tonight, and he was saying that there wasn't a single person that disliked him, in fact, everyone actively liked him. He was one of the nicest guys I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, not a mean bone in that kid's body, just always overflowing with life.
It's funny because I was just kind of thinking about this two nights ago. I was watching Hotel Rwanda alone in my basement, and at one point, I could feel myself beginning to tear up from what I was seeing. That took me aback a bit, because I've always been someone who's pretty stable emotionally, not very susceptible to the world around me emotionally speaking. And yet here I was was, alone in my basment, almost getting choked up by a movie I'd already seen before. I thought to myself, Maybe I am getting more emotional as I get older.
As I said, I've never been emotional. I can still remember the night when I was probably nine years old or so, hearing that my uncle had just died. My whole family was sitting around the dinner table crying, and I just couldn't do anything. I can only remember two times in any sort of recent memory that I've cried. I wouldn't say I'm emotional right now, just thoughtful. Right after I heard the news, I had to get into my car and drive somewhere. I was so freaked out. I realized that I've been driving around in my car, flying around in the rain for the past week with complete disregard. They were just unlucky, some stupid little puddle of water. It just made me realize how fragile we are. Gah, we are fragile.
But while we're here, we can't be afraid of death. I think that's mostly why I've never been able to show feelings about this, I just don't see the point of crying over it. It's not the end. And yes, when someone dies we may miss them, but we always have their memory with us. We have those silly things that they did that stick with us, not their absence. I know it's clichéd, but, seriously, if they could tell us anything, it'd be, "Stop whining, I'm fine. You're just being silly." Tony and I were laughing together about how Imran was the whitest Indian guy ever born, with his stupid Hawaiian flowers Jimmy Buffet hat with the sunglasses and crokies and his entire music collection consisted of Buffet, Dave Matthews, and O.A.R. He was a nutball. When we lived right across from each other in the dorms, he'd always come into my room asking me a question about his Spanish homework or would want me to edit an English paper. I remember his funny away message about studying for absurd chemistry tests. There was one time where he collected about 200 aluminum cans and stacked them all up outside our RA's door in the middle of the night.
I know this doesn't make anything any better, but at least for me, it's some sort of comfort. When they had the accident, they were on the way to go see Dave Matthews. Imran loved Dave. When they were in that car, he must've been so excited, so pumped about getting to go. He will always be linked in my mind with his music. So, for me, I at least find some comfort--perhaps for his sake--that he died doing what he loved (in a way).
So, there I sat at the counter in a Waffle House, silently sipping on any one of my three cups of black coffee, staring off into the distance and thinking but inadvertantly staring at frying hash browns on the griddle. I did alot of thinking about alot of things, life, death, faith, love, career. It's funny how sometimes you can be so unwaveringly convinced of something, and then just give it a few days and you're completely unsure, which just erodes at that already crumbling confidence even further. But it was good to sit there by myself and think.
I can feel myself getting more weighed down by the things of this world, thinking about things, worrying about things, all of that. But at the same time, I don't want to be just mindlessly ignorant and evasive about everything. I can do that quite easily, especially as soon as school starts. It's so easy to slip into mindlessness.
You know, it's funny the power of music. Sitting there at Waffle House, with six people in there (three of whom were waitresses) "My Girl" by the Temptations came on. My waitress, a really sweet, big black lady named Lillie started singing along with it to herself. That made me smile. That made me realize that there are hands greater than mine where I can put all of this stuff. It'll work out, I don't need to worry about anything. Because when I know, I'll know. And that sounds great to me.
Anyway, I hope everyone had a pleasant evening. Enjoy life, it's incredible how quickly it can be snatched away from us. Take care. I love all of you guys.
Andy