hold up, wait a minute...
omg, can i just take a minute to say, whoa??? the passed 2 days have been fucking nutty... i like getting drunk, A LOT but seriously... you just don't realize til you stop for a bit how much it REALLY takes out of you... so much to say, never the words to say it... but today i will try to spew all the shit, take some fucking time to get some things into a physical sense so maybe i can relax the mind if just a bit.
life has been rather shitty, maybe just my mood... i've been withdrawing from every thing and every one since before i went on vacation. i've been depressed and angry, like almost every thing in my life should be better than it is... but what i've come to realize is that it's normal to feel this way every once in a while and it's OK to have real feelings. what shouldn't be done is expecting others to cater to your moods and take care of you when you are down... because well, you can't really count on any one but yourself and in turn should be able to choose happiness. i understand completely when it's out of your hands, if you're clinically depressed and just so low you can't pick up the pieces, but i know now that it's a choice most of the time with me... and even though i am still pursuing medication because i feel i need it overall, i know if i can keep a positive attitude about life - hardships and gifts - i will be ok... better even.
i hung out with my lady friends the passed 2 nights, i didn't realize how much i've missed them and how much they mean to my little heart. it's really nice to feel loved and wanted again... i know it was me, well for the most part... sometimes best friend doesn't help much, especially when i cry... and with what's going on in her life she doesn't have much time for mine... understandable. on in particular has made me feel so welcome and i heart that so much... it's so appreciated... MONEY! and it's nice, very nice to be close again... truely. i saw your heart the other night when you were talking about her and what's going on... i'm so very sorry but you know you can't change things, she has to be the one to do that... it's in fate's hands and that's ok... if you ever need to talk, you know.
and yet more feelings for me... just when i was happy being single, i go off getting a crush on someone... and it's not even a little baby crush it's pretty hardcore but whatever... we were talking about expectations last night and oh yes! i have them with every aspect of my life... but you know what? it's 2006 and it's time for CHANGE... hot or not, the bitches will come to me. she's not a bitch though, at least i don't think... and our commonalities are massive. WHATEVER. shite.
i LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE fleetwood mac... where are my fucking cd's??? GOD damnit, i hate it when my shit disappears.
i met bre's best friend tera last night... so fun! she's a sweetie and i can see easily why they are good friends... nothing compares to checking out half japanese girls for reason of choosing the hottest... the idea of the 2 of them making the hottest damn japanese woman ever was supreme... but i still think they should have a dance off friday at cherry, just ya know, because... yup. i love you bunches bre.
my sister is having drama once again with the men's... her ex came back into her life (fresh outta the slammer) and told her he wanted to be with her again... i think it's absolutely retarded but all she can see is his soon to be cash money inheritance and his ripped body. GAG. i dunno, the one she's with now hasn't been the best boyfriend in the world so i wouldn't be heartbroken if they broke it off... but, i don't know if this guy is much better... he was mean to her before and in time... in time, they all usually are. i dunno, but i don't want to have to regulate again... i'm not afraid to kick a guys ass over my sister.
i need to call this therapist woman, why am i nervous? jesus... i just don't want to. grrrrrrrr. fuckity. tomorrow? god.
tonight i will paint. i love it so much and it's so fucking nice to just chill with the radio on, light above - sitting indian style, then on my knees... to my tummy... it's hard to pain upside down but i tried that too... haha... too bad i'm not ambidextrious (sp?) cuz then i wouldn't have to spin whatever i'm painting...
i love too... walking in the rain. i will do it more often. doctor today... let's talk about pills baby, let's talk about you and me. heartburn.
life has been rather shitty, maybe just my mood... i've been withdrawing from every thing and every one since before i went on vacation. i've been depressed and angry, like almost every thing in my life should be better than it is... but what i've come to realize is that it's normal to feel this way every once in a while and it's OK to have real feelings. what shouldn't be done is expecting others to cater to your moods and take care of you when you are down... because well, you can't really count on any one but yourself and in turn should be able to choose happiness. i understand completely when it's out of your hands, if you're clinically depressed and just so low you can't pick up the pieces, but i know now that it's a choice most of the time with me... and even though i am still pursuing medication because i feel i need it overall, i know if i can keep a positive attitude about life - hardships and gifts - i will be ok... better even.
i hung out with my lady friends the passed 2 nights, i didn't realize how much i've missed them and how much they mean to my little heart. it's really nice to feel loved and wanted again... i know it was me, well for the most part... sometimes best friend doesn't help much, especially when i cry... and with what's going on in her life she doesn't have much time for mine... understandable. on in particular has made me feel so welcome and i heart that so much... it's so appreciated... MONEY! and it's nice, very nice to be close again... truely. i saw your heart the other night when you were talking about her and what's going on... i'm so very sorry but you know you can't change things, she has to be the one to do that... it's in fate's hands and that's ok... if you ever need to talk, you know.
and yet more feelings for me... just when i was happy being single, i go off getting a crush on someone... and it's not even a little baby crush it's pretty hardcore but whatever... we were talking about expectations last night and oh yes! i have them with every aspect of my life... but you know what? it's 2006 and it's time for CHANGE... hot or not, the bitches will come to me. she's not a bitch though, at least i don't think... and our commonalities are massive. WHATEVER. shite.
i LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE fleetwood mac... where are my fucking cd's??? GOD damnit, i hate it when my shit disappears.
i met bre's best friend tera last night... so fun! she's a sweetie and i can see easily why they are good friends... nothing compares to checking out half japanese girls for reason of choosing the hottest... the idea of the 2 of them making the hottest damn japanese woman ever was supreme... but i still think they should have a dance off friday at cherry, just ya know, because... yup. i love you bunches bre.
my sister is having drama once again with the men's... her ex came back into her life (fresh outta the slammer) and told her he wanted to be with her again... i think it's absolutely retarded but all she can see is his soon to be cash money inheritance and his ripped body. GAG. i dunno, the one she's with now hasn't been the best boyfriend in the world so i wouldn't be heartbroken if they broke it off... but, i don't know if this guy is much better... he was mean to her before and in time... in time, they all usually are. i dunno, but i don't want to have to regulate again... i'm not afraid to kick a guys ass over my sister.
i need to call this therapist woman, why am i nervous? jesus... i just don't want to. grrrrrrrr. fuckity. tomorrow? god.
tonight i will paint. i love it so much and it's so fucking nice to just chill with the radio on, light above - sitting indian style, then on my knees... to my tummy... it's hard to pain upside down but i tried that too... haha... too bad i'm not ambidextrious (sp?) cuz then i wouldn't have to spin whatever i'm painting...
i love too... walking in the rain. i will do it more often. doctor today... let's talk about pills baby, let's talk about you and me. heartburn.