Hawkman Got Into the League Exactly How?..
I have never understood Hawkman. After reading the Silver Age comic book issues, written by Gardner Fox with art by Joe Kubert and Murphy Anderson, I can see why at one time he was popular. Those stories are fun and beautiful to look at. But once you get him into a bigger universe with other heroes, he starts becoming useless. To this day, I fail to see how he would realistically make it into the Justice League.
This is how I imagine his membership interview going...
Flash : Wow, whydidyouguyscallmeheretoday?IthinkImissedamemoormaybetheTopinterfered... *instantly falls asleep*
Superman : *shakes his head and then turns to the winged man who walked in the room* Thank you for coming..umm…Hawkman is it? We have heard that you do good work, so we would like to talk to you about joining the Justice League of America. Please, have a seat.
Hawkman : if it is alright with all of you, I would prefer to stand. The wings…
Superman : Yes, the wings. So, tell us about yourself.
Hawkman : Well, I am actually an alien from the planet Thanagar, so I have access to a lot of advanced technology…
Superman : I am also an alien with advanced technology. Do you have a Fortress of Solitude?
Hawkman : Well, I have a spaceship…
Superman : Ooo…are there robot duplicates on the spaceship?
Hawkman : What? Um, no…
Green Lantern : Do you have a ring that accesses nigh infinite exotic energy?
Hawkman : no…
Wonder Woman : Do you have a Purple Ray?
Hawkman : What the…I mean, no…
Martian Manhunter : I'm an alien also. Can you change shape?
Hawkman: Oh my! Lord, no…
Batman : So what does your "advanced technology" do?
Hawkman : I have these wings. They are made out of Nth Metal and enable me to fly!
Superman : I can fly.
Martian Manhunter : Me too.
Green Lantern : Me three!
Wonder Woman : I have a jet.
Batman : So do I.
Wonder Woman : Mine is invisible.
Batman : whatevs…
Green Arrow : I have a plane shaped like an arrow.
Atom : I can travel in telephone wires!
Aquaman : ….
*Hawkman nervously ruffles his wings, knocking over the chair*
Hawkman : *bends to pick up the chair* I am also pretty strong…
Batman : yeah, we all workout also.
Hawkman : No, I mean really strong!
Batman : Workout a lot, check. And?
Hawkman : Well, I am an expert in ancient weapons.
Superman : Ancient space weapons?
Hawkman : Earth weapons.
Superman : *obviously disappointed* oh. *proceeds to use heat vision to zap dust particles*
Wonder Woman : We don't really encourage weapons around here.
Hawkman : *points at Green Arrow* what about him?
Green Arrow : *smiles and gives a thumbs up gesture* Hey!
Batman : He is more of a gimmick than a weapon. Do you see the boxing glove sticking out of his quiver?
Green Arrow : *deflated* hey!
Green Lantern : *noticing that Superman has checked out* Do you have anything else to bring to the table?
Hawkman : …I talk to birds...
Aquaman : Alright! I talk to fish!
Batman : Quiet Aquaman. Adults are talking…
Wonder Woman : Anyway…I think I can speak for the team. You have a fairly impressive record, but I fear that your skill-set would be overwhelmed on our normal adventures. We do thank you for your time…
Hawkman : Yes yes, I understand. And thank you. I don't know what I was thinking. I told Sheyera that this was a bad…
Superman : *stops zapping dust particles* Sheyera?
Hawkman : oh, my wife. *he points to a beautiful shapely redhead in the waiting room who is picking up a lamp that her wings knocked over while she paced* She is my partner and helps me on our adventures. I was telling her…
Green Lantern : So, she is with you all the time when you work?
Wonder Woman : Guys, I fail to see what any of this…
Atom : Just trying to be fair. Getting as much information as possible before we make a decision.
Hawkman : Well, she is my partner, so I depend on her help a lot…
Flash : *wakes up from a nap* HeyguysdoyouseethatredheadintheOW! *elbowed in the stomach by Superman*
Superman : Anyway, we have seen what you have to say and I would like to be the first to shake your hand and welcome you into the Justice League of America! *a small round of applause from everyone except Wonder Woman and Batman*
Hawkman : wow! I mean…I thought…thank you so much!
Superman : Why don't you go get the little lady and bring her in to join in the celebration.
*Hawkman rushes out to the waiting room, knocking over two chairs and an end table with his wings*
Green Lantern : She, I mean, He will make a nice addition to the cave…
Wonder Woman : You men disgust me!
Batman : Don't drag me into this! I am as disgusted as you are. Last night while we were getting ready for bed, I was telling Robin that he couldn't join and…
Wonder Woman : Stop. Just stop. And put some pants on that boy!
Batman : *mumbled* fine talk coming from you, Hotpants Girl…
Wonder Woman : I heard that! I come from a Greek island of Amazons. You are lucky I am wearing anything!
*fade to black*
This is how I imagine his membership interview going...
Flash : Wow, whydidyouguyscallmeheretoday?IthinkImissedamemoormaybetheTopinterfered... *instantly falls asleep*
Superman : *shakes his head and then turns to the winged man who walked in the room* Thank you for coming..umm…Hawkman is it? We have heard that you do good work, so we would like to talk to you about joining the Justice League of America. Please, have a seat.
Hawkman : if it is alright with all of you, I would prefer to stand. The wings…
Superman : Yes, the wings. So, tell us about yourself.
Hawkman : Well, I am actually an alien from the planet Thanagar, so I have access to a lot of advanced technology…
Superman : I am also an alien with advanced technology. Do you have a Fortress of Solitude?
Hawkman : Well, I have a spaceship…
Superman : Ooo…are there robot duplicates on the spaceship?
Hawkman : What? Um, no…
Green Lantern : Do you have a ring that accesses nigh infinite exotic energy?
Hawkman : no…
Wonder Woman : Do you have a Purple Ray?
Hawkman : What the…I mean, no…
Martian Manhunter : I'm an alien also. Can you change shape?
Hawkman: Oh my! Lord, no…
Batman : So what does your "advanced technology" do?
Hawkman : I have these wings. They are made out of Nth Metal and enable me to fly!
Superman : I can fly.
Martian Manhunter : Me too.
Green Lantern : Me three!
Wonder Woman : I have a jet.
Batman : So do I.
Wonder Woman : Mine is invisible.
Batman : whatevs…
Green Arrow : I have a plane shaped like an arrow.
Atom : I can travel in telephone wires!
Aquaman : ….
*Hawkman nervously ruffles his wings, knocking over the chair*
Hawkman : *bends to pick up the chair* I am also pretty strong…
Batman : yeah, we all workout also.
Hawkman : No, I mean really strong!
Batman : Workout a lot, check. And?
Hawkman : Well, I am an expert in ancient weapons.
Superman : Ancient space weapons?
Hawkman : Earth weapons.
Superman : *obviously disappointed* oh. *proceeds to use heat vision to zap dust particles*
Wonder Woman : We don't really encourage weapons around here.
Hawkman : *points at Green Arrow* what about him?
Green Arrow : *smiles and gives a thumbs up gesture* Hey!
Batman : He is more of a gimmick than a weapon. Do you see the boxing glove sticking out of his quiver?
Green Arrow : *deflated* hey!
Green Lantern : *noticing that Superman has checked out* Do you have anything else to bring to the table?
Hawkman : …I talk to birds...
Aquaman : Alright! I talk to fish!
Batman : Quiet Aquaman. Adults are talking…
Wonder Woman : Anyway…I think I can speak for the team. You have a fairly impressive record, but I fear that your skill-set would be overwhelmed on our normal adventures. We do thank you for your time…
Hawkman : Yes yes, I understand. And thank you. I don't know what I was thinking. I told Sheyera that this was a bad…
Superman : *stops zapping dust particles* Sheyera?
Hawkman : oh, my wife. *he points to a beautiful shapely redhead in the waiting room who is picking up a lamp that her wings knocked over while she paced* She is my partner and helps me on our adventures. I was telling her…
Green Lantern : So, she is with you all the time when you work?
Wonder Woman : Guys, I fail to see what any of this…
Atom : Just trying to be fair. Getting as much information as possible before we make a decision.
Hawkman : Well, she is my partner, so I depend on her help a lot…
Flash : *wakes up from a nap* HeyguysdoyouseethatredheadintheOW! *elbowed in the stomach by Superman*
Superman : Anyway, we have seen what you have to say and I would like to be the first to shake your hand and welcome you into the Justice League of America! *a small round of applause from everyone except Wonder Woman and Batman*
Hawkman : wow! I mean…I thought…thank you so much!
Superman : Why don't you go get the little lady and bring her in to join in the celebration.
*Hawkman rushes out to the waiting room, knocking over two chairs and an end table with his wings*
Green Lantern : She, I mean, He will make a nice addition to the cave…
Wonder Woman : You men disgust me!
Batman : Don't drag me into this! I am as disgusted as you are. Last night while we were getting ready for bed, I was telling Robin that he couldn't join and…
Wonder Woman : Stop. Just stop. And put some pants on that boy!
Batman : *mumbled* fine talk coming from you, Hotpants Girl…
Wonder Woman : I heard that! I come from a Greek island of Amazons. You are lucky I am wearing anything!
*fade to black*