(no subject)
The last couple of days have been weird (not weird happenings, just feeling weird for me) and it started with something so small...I was in the kitchen washing the pots Tuesday morning and T came up behind me and just put her arms around me. It was just a platonic cuddle but everything hit me at once. I didn't want her to touch me if it wasn't for love (which in part it may have been) and I couldn't bare her hands on me but at the same time I didn't want her to let go and thats the problem. Everything between us is tainted whether we want it to be or not and I can't handle it...thats sooooo melodramtic. Anyway, I had to get out of the house so I packed my bags and went to see a friend in Leeds, just so I could clear my head a bit. I was there for one night and I got 15 missed calls, a couple of voice mail(s?) and an email... The messages were from T and weren't exactly nice, telling me how irresposible I was not telling her where I was, and saying, in quite mean terms, what a nasty piece of work I was... it was disturbing to say the least. She ups and disappears on a regular basis, never telling me where she is or how many days she will be away (which is fine cos it is her life and I don't really have any say in it) but if I do it once she goes all ape shit. I don't know, I wanted a break to de-stress and ended up coming back even more messed up. I need her here, I don't want her here...ARRGGHHHHHHH!!!! I don't know...