for another depressed one...
I warned you in the title. it's your fault you're still reading.
Did you ever stand in the middle of a huge crowd and feel like you were all alone?! Of course you probably have, probably everyone has at some point. I'm so tired of feeling that way all the time. No matter where I go and how many people I'm hanging out with or who is talking to me, I feel alone. Tonight made a lot of things more real for me. More real then they will probably ever be. I met some great people tonight. Some fellow fans of suicide clutch. A girl name Beth and her husband Randy. Great people. Beth is a great person. We basically clicked. She of course, like everyone else, thought Josh and I were a couple. To make a long story a little shorter, Josh got pretty fucked up tonight. It was the first time in a long time. Since the concert turned out to be very lame cause Nonpoint canceled we went and got him jager and he got smashed. Anyways Beth started quizing him about him and i. I thought it was funny at the time but if i would have known what it was going to do I would have stoped it in the begining. Of course Josh went on and on about how much I mean to him. And I know I mean a lot to him. But of course that doesn't change a thing. He will never love me the way I want him to. He loves me, yes...but as a friend. Just like everyone else. Only as a friend. That's all I'm ever good for is to be a friend. While every other girl gets 5 million chances, me I get none. I'm the person they turned to when no one else is there. And I stand there and let this happen. Cause I value the people in my life and want them there any way i can get them. But it doesn't change anything. I'm still just the friend. Everyone else can see how stupid Josh is for not being more to me...but him. And I understand I mean the world to him. And he actually got on his knees to make me see that. But why am I not good enough to love like I need and want to be loved? I never am. I'm always there on the side but never the person they can love. Josh said the keys word tonight that drove the fact right home. "I would love to love you the way you need, but I don't. And I can't" And why? in my eyes, I'm not good enough. I will always just be that friend to someone. never anything more. That is what my life is going to be...the friend. I'm so tired of being that. Why can't someone just love me?! Why can't someone just want to be with me?! I don't know why but I can't see it happening. ever. It's been like this through my whole life. why change now?! So I'll contiune to just be people's friend. Be there one that can never turn away. And I'll slowly die alone on the inside.
Did you ever stand in the middle of a huge crowd and feel like you were all alone?! Of course you probably have, probably everyone has at some point. I'm so tired of feeling that way all the time. No matter where I go and how many people I'm hanging out with or who is talking to me, I feel alone. Tonight made a lot of things more real for me. More real then they will probably ever be. I met some great people tonight. Some fellow fans of suicide clutch. A girl name Beth and her husband Randy. Great people. Beth is a great person. We basically clicked. She of course, like everyone else, thought Josh and I were a couple. To make a long story a little shorter, Josh got pretty fucked up tonight. It was the first time in a long time. Since the concert turned out to be very lame cause Nonpoint canceled we went and got him jager and he got smashed. Anyways Beth started quizing him about him and i. I thought it was funny at the time but if i would have known what it was going to do I would have stoped it in the begining. Of course Josh went on and on about how much I mean to him. And I know I mean a lot to him. But of course that doesn't change a thing. He will never love me the way I want him to. He loves me, yes...but as a friend. Just like everyone else. Only as a friend. That's all I'm ever good for is to be a friend. While every other girl gets 5 million chances, me I get none. I'm the person they turned to when no one else is there. And I stand there and let this happen. Cause I value the people in my life and want them there any way i can get them. But it doesn't change anything. I'm still just the friend. Everyone else can see how stupid Josh is for not being more to me...but him. And I understand I mean the world to him. And he actually got on his knees to make me see that. But why am I not good enough to love like I need and want to be loved? I never am. I'm always there on the side but never the person they can love. Josh said the keys word tonight that drove the fact right home. "I would love to love you the way you need, but I don't. And I can't" And why? in my eyes, I'm not good enough. I will always just be that friend to someone. never anything more. That is what my life is going to be...the friend. I'm so tired of being that. Why can't someone just love me?! Why can't someone just want to be with me?! I don't know why but I can't see it happening. ever. It's been like this through my whole life. why change now?! So I'll contiune to just be people's friend. Be there one that can never turn away. And I'll slowly die alone on the inside.