well...
I guess my happiness lasted long enough.
Here's the update on the Josh thing.
We started to talk on my birthday right?! Had fun and kept telling ourselves it was just friends with benefits. Well we were both basically lying to ourselves. We were dating. We both fell for each other. Me, I was ok with it. But him, he still had feelings for his ex. He's not completely over her, and of course they were talking like they were going to get back together. Their whole relationship was full of him trying to get her to love him basically. A lot of shit happened very early in their relationship and they never really recovered from it. Plus i just think she's a needy bitch. But that's my opinion. lol Anyways, so he was going to hang out with her this weekend and see what happened. I was ok with it. I'd figure she's fuck something up and that would be that. Cause it happened 2 weeks ago like that. But I didn't think they were going to hang until today (sunday) but apparently the hung out yesturday. He told me they spend 3 great hours together. But then her, being her, got on her computer and was nosy. Found a message from me. One that I told him that i was upset that he didn't get up to walk me out friday night. See what happened friday was I got in a huge fight with my dad. so all night when we were hanging out i was really quiet. He had taken me home once...and I appologized for being quiet when i got home and he got online we talked and i decided to go back. Because he didn't want me to leave in the first place and I didn't want to either but he was falling asleep and there was no point. Anyways, I went back and basically broke down about my father. I cried in front of him (that's how comfortable I am with him) and he held me. Well around 4 am I needed to go. I had to work and he was falling asleep. He kept telling me i didn't have to leave. That i should just stay. Well I know what happened the last time I stayed so I told him no...I have to go. well he rolled over and fell asleep. I went to leave and realized his dad was in the living room, awake. So I asked him to walk me out. Being him, he didn't. he just laid there asleep. Well I got pissed and left him a little note plus messeged him on yahoo (you can leave messeges when the person is off line.) Well I told I'm sorry for what I left there...but that i was hurt he didn't walk me out. And that I didn't want to stay because I knew there was a chance he may get back with ashley. Anyways...we talked about that, and she apparently found that messege. And she was under the belief we were just friends that slept together, nothing more. So she walked out on him and told him she would never talk to him again. Well anyways, by the time I got home, and everything, he called and asked if i was ready. Well I didn't know we were hanging out so I had to shower real quick. He came and picked me up...when I got in the car he was quiet and had this look on his face. I knew something was up. So I ask him what's up. Then he proceeds to tell me the story of ashley coming over, yada yada...and then tells me he has a problem and doesn't know what to do. Well it finally comes out that he thinks he should just be alone for a little while. We drive around talking, and decide we will still be friends. Of course i'm upset so I don't believe it. But just agree so he'll take me home. We leave on the note that I will put as much effort into the friendship as he puts in. I of course when I get home hop right into my car to drive around. I didn't want to face my parents with tears in my eyes. I drove around and called daniel so he can make me laugh. He tried lol. But it helped a little. When I got home, Josh imed me. We talked some more. He was down on himself. I tried to help but of course i was down too so i did what i could. Anyways...then I talked to my friend Brian. He made me realize that i just need to be a friend to josh and let him get over Ashley. Then see where things will go. So that's what I'm doing. Yeah it still hurts. I really liked what we had. I was never happier then when I was with him. And it was the little things. Like him putting his arms around me from behind while we walk through a store. Or holding hands in the car. Or laying in bed with my head on his chest and hearing him snore. lol Getting a little more personal...looking into his eyes when we were having sex. We were both happy. You could see it. But he thinks I was just a filler. I was basically acting like his rebond and he didn't want that. So who knows...maybe something will happen. Maybe not. But for now I'm laying low on the guys situation. Got to take some time to heal a little ya know?!
Here's the update on the Josh thing.
We started to talk on my birthday right?! Had fun and kept telling ourselves it was just friends with benefits. Well we were both basically lying to ourselves. We were dating. We both fell for each other. Me, I was ok with it. But him, he still had feelings for his ex. He's not completely over her, and of course they were talking like they were going to get back together. Their whole relationship was full of him trying to get her to love him basically. A lot of shit happened very early in their relationship and they never really recovered from it. Plus i just think she's a needy bitch. But that's my opinion. lol Anyways, so he was going to hang out with her this weekend and see what happened. I was ok with it. I'd figure she's fuck something up and that would be that. Cause it happened 2 weeks ago like that. But I didn't think they were going to hang until today (sunday) but apparently the hung out yesturday. He told me they spend 3 great hours together. But then her, being her, got on her computer and was nosy. Found a message from me. One that I told him that i was upset that he didn't get up to walk me out friday night. See what happened friday was I got in a huge fight with my dad. so all night when we were hanging out i was really quiet. He had taken me home once...and I appologized for being quiet when i got home and he got online we talked and i decided to go back. Because he didn't want me to leave in the first place and I didn't want to either but he was falling asleep and there was no point. Anyways, I went back and basically broke down about my father. I cried in front of him (that's how comfortable I am with him) and he held me. Well around 4 am I needed to go. I had to work and he was falling asleep. He kept telling me i didn't have to leave. That i should just stay. Well I know what happened the last time I stayed so I told him no...I have to go. well he rolled over and fell asleep. I went to leave and realized his dad was in the living room, awake. So I asked him to walk me out. Being him, he didn't. he just laid there asleep. Well I got pissed and left him a little note plus messeged him on yahoo (you can leave messeges when the person is off line.) Well I told I'm sorry for what I left there...but that i was hurt he didn't walk me out. And that I didn't want to stay because I knew there was a chance he may get back with ashley. Anyways...we talked about that, and she apparently found that messege. And she was under the belief we were just friends that slept together, nothing more. So she walked out on him and told him she would never talk to him again. Well anyways, by the time I got home, and everything, he called and asked if i was ready. Well I didn't know we were hanging out so I had to shower real quick. He came and picked me up...when I got in the car he was quiet and had this look on his face. I knew something was up. So I ask him what's up. Then he proceeds to tell me the story of ashley coming over, yada yada...and then tells me he has a problem and doesn't know what to do. Well it finally comes out that he thinks he should just be alone for a little while. We drive around talking, and decide we will still be friends. Of course i'm upset so I don't believe it. But just agree so he'll take me home. We leave on the note that I will put as much effort into the friendship as he puts in. I of course when I get home hop right into my car to drive around. I didn't want to face my parents with tears in my eyes. I drove around and called daniel so he can make me laugh. He tried lol. But it helped a little. When I got home, Josh imed me. We talked some more. He was down on himself. I tried to help but of course i was down too so i did what i could. Anyways...then I talked to my friend Brian. He made me realize that i just need to be a friend to josh and let him get over Ashley. Then see where things will go. So that's what I'm doing. Yeah it still hurts. I really liked what we had. I was never happier then when I was with him. And it was the little things. Like him putting his arms around me from behind while we walk through a store. Or holding hands in the car. Or laying in bed with my head on his chest and hearing him snore. lol Getting a little more personal...looking into his eyes when we were having sex. We were both happy. You could see it. But he thinks I was just a filler. I was basically acting like his rebond and he didn't want that. So who knows...maybe something will happen. Maybe not. But for now I'm laying low on the guys situation. Got to take some time to heal a little ya know?!