grrr
Why is it it feels like nothing ever works out the way it should?
I've finally come to the conclusion that Wells isn't where I need to be. I plan on leaving there after this semester (but I think I'm gonna finish off the semester at least). My original plan was to go back to CCC in the spring, take some pre-requisite courses and begin nursing next fall, and getting through that as quickly as possible.
Not going to happen now.
I can certainly go back to CCC in the spring and do those courses. However, unless I can find and take and PASS a chemistry by January 15, I won't be able to enroll as a nursing student until, at the earliest, fall of 2009. This sets me back an entire year, at least. I don't want to wait a full year just to begin this. I don't want to spend a year out of school just waiting to find out if I get in in 2009 or not. I want to start it and get through it. I want a career, and I want to move on with my life.
And now I'm left just, literally, sitting here. Completely confused, not knowing what to do, where to go, or what I want out of life. Thinking about not bothering with CCC in the spring, even. Maybe I just need time off to think it over, and decide what I want with no added stress of schoolwork, projects, papers, etc. Maybe I just need a break from it. I just know that right now I'm confused as all hell.
It's horrible. The anxiety isn't helping matters any. I've skipped plenty of classes already these past few weeks. Of course, I have been legitimately sick for some of them, but others? Nope. Just crabby. I'm exhausted as all hell all the time, so I've been oversleeping constantly no matter what I do. Which is especially awkward, as I have no problems falling asleep at night. And of course, even in the one class I make special effort to get to - Japanese - my grades have been slipping because I haven't been able to put the energy or concentration into it. And that makes me feel even worse because I love that class.
I'm so confused right now. I have two part time jobs now. I want to leave school and just work the two jobs and earn money and waste it and not worry about school. And work out. I haven't been able to work out in days and that's getting to me, too. I WANT to work out, dammit. I want to get into shape. But I'm so tired and stressed and exhausted all the time now.
Whatever I do I'm trying to do based on what *I* want, but I don't know what that is yet, and trying not to let Dave influence it that much. However, I just don't know what I want overall. I do know that I want to be with him. Other than that, nothing. I just don't know anymore and I hate it. Part of my big plan was to get my nursing degree and move to Rochester and live out there working while he's getting his masters' in psychology. Just waiting a whole extra year takes away the whole point of that. And I don't want to be left behind here while he's up there, and only have an opportunity to see him once every few weeks. And even if I did get the degree and moved there, how often would I see him then? Dammit all. I just don't know.....
I'm so sick of everything. I'm at the point again where I just need a break from everything, except this time I really DO want a break. Wish I knew how to get one....
I've finally come to the conclusion that Wells isn't where I need to be. I plan on leaving there after this semester (but I think I'm gonna finish off the semester at least). My original plan was to go back to CCC in the spring, take some pre-requisite courses and begin nursing next fall, and getting through that as quickly as possible.
Not going to happen now.
I can certainly go back to CCC in the spring and do those courses. However, unless I can find and take and PASS a chemistry by January 15, I won't be able to enroll as a nursing student until, at the earliest, fall of 2009. This sets me back an entire year, at least. I don't want to wait a full year just to begin this. I don't want to spend a year out of school just waiting to find out if I get in in 2009 or not. I want to start it and get through it. I want a career, and I want to move on with my life.
And now I'm left just, literally, sitting here. Completely confused, not knowing what to do, where to go, or what I want out of life. Thinking about not bothering with CCC in the spring, even. Maybe I just need time off to think it over, and decide what I want with no added stress of schoolwork, projects, papers, etc. Maybe I just need a break from it. I just know that right now I'm confused as all hell.
It's horrible. The anxiety isn't helping matters any. I've skipped plenty of classes already these past few weeks. Of course, I have been legitimately sick for some of them, but others? Nope. Just crabby. I'm exhausted as all hell all the time, so I've been oversleeping constantly no matter what I do. Which is especially awkward, as I have no problems falling asleep at night. And of course, even in the one class I make special effort to get to - Japanese - my grades have been slipping because I haven't been able to put the energy or concentration into it. And that makes me feel even worse because I love that class.
I'm so confused right now. I have two part time jobs now. I want to leave school and just work the two jobs and earn money and waste it and not worry about school. And work out. I haven't been able to work out in days and that's getting to me, too. I WANT to work out, dammit. I want to get into shape. But I'm so tired and stressed and exhausted all the time now.
Whatever I do I'm trying to do based on what *I* want, but I don't know what that is yet, and trying not to let Dave influence it that much. However, I just don't know what I want overall. I do know that I want to be with him. Other than that, nothing. I just don't know anymore and I hate it. Part of my big plan was to get my nursing degree and move to Rochester and live out there working while he's getting his masters' in psychology. Just waiting a whole extra year takes away the whole point of that. And I don't want to be left behind here while he's up there, and only have an opportunity to see him once every few weeks. And even if I did get the degree and moved there, how often would I see him then? Dammit all. I just don't know.....
I'm so sick of everything. I'm at the point again where I just need a break from everything, except this time I really DO want a break. Wish I knew how to get one....