(no subject)
There's nothing like realizing you don't know your own brother well enough to get him a Christmas gift. So that's a thing.
I'm really appreciating being alone a lot these last couple of days. When I get caught up in my ex bothering me, I forget about all the movies I want to watch, but haven't yet, and forget about burning candles and eating food in a fun solitary manner. But the last few nights, I've gotten myself back on track. I haven't felt the need to talk to people because it's my choice. I've eaten a comfortable amount of stuff at a relaxed pace and cleaned up after myself (well, I always do that in my new place). I have watched two movies I've been meaning to see for a while (Forest Gump, Hot Fuzz), and remembered that I like not only the silence that follows the television shutoff, but the fact that this is mama Emma's safe haven. This isn't the place I have to ask for permission to have someone over to, but it is the place that a friend stayed the night because she didn't want to be home, and it is the place that I would gladly let any of my friends stay if they needed it. I finally have money to loan people again without it breaking the bank, and that's neat too. And really, this is the first time I've had my OWN place. It's tough when I keep thinking about how I moved out at eighteen that I still had other people controlling my home. Granted, this is still a rental, but I don't have to tell anyone where I'm going, don't have to be quiet because someone is sleeping,etc. I had roomates, I was a live-in nanny, and I lived with an insane person I used to date, but never just me. And I love living by myself, I love going places by myself (see my annoying posts about not having a boyfriend, I was always pushing that).
And for what it's worth, I don't almost drive to the old place anymore. I don't fear that the crazy is following me home or breaking into my house to steal or damage something. This is my place. My home. I am safe and comfortable here.
I look forward to more nights in my pjs with a virgin margarita and bag of popcorn, watching a movie I want to see, prefereably with Cowboy curled up nearby.
I'm really appreciating being alone a lot these last couple of days. When I get caught up in my ex bothering me, I forget about all the movies I want to watch, but haven't yet, and forget about burning candles and eating food in a fun solitary manner. But the last few nights, I've gotten myself back on track. I haven't felt the need to talk to people because it's my choice. I've eaten a comfortable amount of stuff at a relaxed pace and cleaned up after myself (well, I always do that in my new place). I have watched two movies I've been meaning to see for a while (Forest Gump, Hot Fuzz), and remembered that I like not only the silence that follows the television shutoff, but the fact that this is mama Emma's safe haven. This isn't the place I have to ask for permission to have someone over to, but it is the place that a friend stayed the night because she didn't want to be home, and it is the place that I would gladly let any of my friends stay if they needed it. I finally have money to loan people again without it breaking the bank, and that's neat too. And really, this is the first time I've had my OWN place. It's tough when I keep thinking about how I moved out at eighteen that I still had other people controlling my home. Granted, this is still a rental, but I don't have to tell anyone where I'm going, don't have to be quiet because someone is sleeping,etc. I had roomates, I was a live-in nanny, and I lived with an insane person I used to date, but never just me. And I love living by myself, I love going places by myself (see my annoying posts about not having a boyfriend, I was always pushing that).
And for what it's worth, I don't almost drive to the old place anymore. I don't fear that the crazy is following me home or breaking into my house to steal or damage something. This is my place. My home. I am safe and comfortable here.
I look forward to more nights in my pjs with a virgin margarita and bag of popcorn, watching a movie I want to see, prefereably with Cowboy curled up nearby.