(no subject)
I went to see Dr. Welch today. She's my "regular" doctor whom I haven't seen since my last physical therapy appointment (from the car accident) in January. She didn't even recognize me. She listened to my lungs and said it was pneumonia. The left lung sounded clear but the right lung didn't. The hospital never faxed the report from the x-rays they took Wed and Thurs (although I called them this morning at 9:15 and they said they would, my appointment was at 11:45) so she sent me to get more done and gave me a script for antibiotics (Lavequin -which I think I've taken before and prolly have some at home) and some sugar-free cough syrup (because the Prednisone messes with my sugar levels). Good thing my dad had the day off today to drive me around. I'm "allowed" to drive but my mom doesn't want me to and my car is at my house anyway. I have blood work on Wed at 10am right by my house. If I stay at my house tomorrow night I can just walk there like I normally do. I have an appointment with Dr. Kempf on Thursday at 11:30. I'm not sure how I'm going to get there. I want to drive but... I was suppose to have an appointment Thursday morn at 9:30 with Dr. Scales but I canceled it because he won't be able to see in my eye or dilate it anyway. The actual eyeball itself is all bloody on the left side. Not sure why, since we didn't actually do anything to the eye itself. I guess just the proximity of the surgery and just stress and trauma to the eye in general. The good news is that the vision (what little clouds/light/dark and movement) that I had before the surgery is the same. The eye seems to continue to get smaller though. Of course with the area being so swollen it's hard to tell. I had my dad take a picture yesterday. It's not nearly as bad as it had been. We got the photo back today maybe I'll post it later.
So for now I'm still at my parent's house. Ed went home with the dogs last night because he had to work today. I had to sleep all alone. :( I got real upset last night and cried. Not because I had to sleep alone. I 'm just so overwhelmed right now. Dr. Hollsten talked to Edward right after the surgery while I was in recovery. He told him they removed as much of the mass as they could. He said he had never seen anything like it. I'm seriously tired of being such a unique fricking case. He said he doesn't think it's cancerous which means that it won't spread to other areas of my head or body (which I am very grateful for). But as far as saving the eye...
Having pneumonia on top of trying to recover and wondering about the results from the biopsy and now knowing that I have no job in a month, it's just so much to deal with. All this started a year ago with a little eye redness and blurriness. A year ago I got married. Hasn't been much of a honeymoon, although Edward has been amazing. He says there's no way I can get rid of him :) But... we're suppose to be starting our new lives together, buying a house, starting of family. I know things don't always go the way as planned but it's been a really hard year. Harder than I let on most of the time, especially this past month. I broke down and cried in Dr. Welch's office when I was talking to her about it. She asked me if I was depressed. For the most part I'm okay. I do get upset but not so much depressed or "why me?". I know things happened and we can't control it or don't know why. I'm just more upset that it's still going on and not getting better but worse. I just want to find an end whatever that entails, and some type of normal life back whether that's one eye or two. I really just want to get to that point. I 'm tired of doctors and shots and medicines. I guess that's what upsets me most is where's the end? She asked me if I wanted medication or to talk with someone. I know that I'm going to have to see a counselor when I have to have the "final" eye surgery. I'm pretty sure that will be too much for me to deal with on my own. But for now I'm okay. I just need to work things through in my own head or talk/write about it. Journaling helps a lot.
So I was thinking about what I want to be when I grow up and when all this is over. Now that I have no job to go back to next year and I've talked so much about wanting to open The Forbidden Doughnut bakery and cafe, maybe it's time to seriously consider it. I suppose I should learn to cook first. ha ha. I do think I'm going to either start taking courses or get back into restaurant work (I've never worked on the kitchen side before though). Edward and I do have a friend that owns a bakery. Maybe I can work for him and learn some skills and at least bring in a paycheck at the same time.
I have a headache, aside from my eye bone hurting. I think I'm going to go take a nap. Today was just too hectic.
So for now I'm still at my parent's house. Ed went home with the dogs last night because he had to work today. I had to sleep all alone. :( I got real upset last night and cried. Not because I had to sleep alone. I 'm just so overwhelmed right now. Dr. Hollsten talked to Edward right after the surgery while I was in recovery. He told him they removed as much of the mass as they could. He said he had never seen anything like it. I'm seriously tired of being such a unique fricking case. He said he doesn't think it's cancerous which means that it won't spread to other areas of my head or body (which I am very grateful for). But as far as saving the eye...
Having pneumonia on top of trying to recover and wondering about the results from the biopsy and now knowing that I have no job in a month, it's just so much to deal with. All this started a year ago with a little eye redness and blurriness. A year ago I got married. Hasn't been much of a honeymoon, although Edward has been amazing. He says there's no way I can get rid of him :) But... we're suppose to be starting our new lives together, buying a house, starting of family. I know things don't always go the way as planned but it's been a really hard year. Harder than I let on most of the time, especially this past month. I broke down and cried in Dr. Welch's office when I was talking to her about it. She asked me if I was depressed. For the most part I'm okay. I do get upset but not so much depressed or "why me?". I know things happened and we can't control it or don't know why. I'm just more upset that it's still going on and not getting better but worse. I just want to find an end whatever that entails, and some type of normal life back whether that's one eye or two. I really just want to get to that point. I 'm tired of doctors and shots and medicines. I guess that's what upsets me most is where's the end? She asked me if I wanted medication or to talk with someone. I know that I'm going to have to see a counselor when I have to have the "final" eye surgery. I'm pretty sure that will be too much for me to deal with on my own. But for now I'm okay. I just need to work things through in my own head or talk/write about it. Journaling helps a lot.
So I was thinking about what I want to be when I grow up and when all this is over. Now that I have no job to go back to next year and I've talked so much about wanting to open The Forbidden Doughnut bakery and cafe, maybe it's time to seriously consider it. I suppose I should learn to cook first. ha ha. I do think I'm going to either start taking courses or get back into restaurant work (I've never worked on the kitchen side before though). Edward and I do have a friend that owns a bakery. Maybe I can work for him and learn some skills and at least bring in a paycheck at the same time.
I have a headache, aside from my eye bone hurting. I think I'm going to go take a nap. Today was just too hectic.