(no subject)
it's been a while. i remember when i used to write in here like 3 times a day. the difference between then and now is that i am not miserable. i'm finally happy. i like being around myself and i'm sure other people like me better this way. i'm nicer, more caring, happier, positive... i dunno... at least that is how i feel. i finally snapped out of it. i actually want to live life instead of just being alive. i finally came to terms with the past 7 years of my life. it sucked finally dealing with it but now it's better than ever.
-i'm going to major in psychology i decided. it's the only subject i've ever been obsessed with. i love it.
-cranberry has actually been fun. most nights we go to pats and have "cranberry fires".
-i found out the combination to the pool in the apartments by my house. now i can go swimming for free everyday.
-i quit drinking for the most part. occasionally i'll have a beer or if i'm in a controlled situation i'll drink more but i just don't want to do it to do it. if only everyone else would join me. haha. oh well. i feel better.
-i am a morning person now. this does wonders for my mood.
-i still am up super late so i basically never sleep... but that is fine. i used to only want to sleep forever and now i don't want to waste time sleeping.
-i've been going to church. it's nice. it's not what you think either. everyone is awesome. i shouldn't have ever stopped. i was just too miserable to focus on what mattered i guess. everyone makes fun of me but you know what? they're wondering what they're missing and i'm finally not.
-i'm counseling at the camp i used to go to for a week. i might do a second week because they asked me if i could but they weren't sure if they needed me. i can't wait at all. this is like all i wanted for this summer.
-i kkkkkinnnnnnnndaaaaa like someone but we're both like the same when it comes to relationships so we just don't talk about anything but it's going healthily i guess. we're good friends so it's not annoying in any way shape or form. it's just nice to have someone around.
-i found out all kinds of things that really changed who i am and what my purpose is.
-my brother has an interview today in pgh so hopefully he'll be moving here. if he decides to go back to school he is going to move in. that would be soooo awesome.
-my dad is very helpful lately. big step up from never talking. it's a mix of us finally talking and a mix of him moving out. it makes things easier. we're still both too high strung to stand each other though, lol.
-my mom actually cried the other day when we were talking. first of all she never shows any emotion. second of all we never talk about anything real. it meant a lot to me that she finally understands my side of everything. not that i want her to cry but it really meant a lot to me.
-i was told my car looks like a pedophiles. probably on account of the water balloons, candy, and bubbles... in excess. i carry a birthday party around. but it's for me.
-i forgot how much i cracked myself up when i was happy. i started hanging out with this girl from junior high who i hadn't seen in yrs and she laughs at everything i say. it does wonders for my self-esteem... haha.
-blah blah blah. a million other things are good.
the only bad thing about finally being happy is that i am aware of everyone else more. i used to be stuck in my head. now it's like i watch other people being unhappy and it's like i just don't want them to be. no one has to be. you just have to really work to get to that point. it's just hard for me to put it into words to other people without sounding ridiculous. it just sucks watching people feel the way i used to. it's not fun. i wish i could change it and that is all i think about so i guess that is why i'm going for psychology.
-i'm going to major in psychology i decided. it's the only subject i've ever been obsessed with. i love it.
-cranberry has actually been fun. most nights we go to pats and have "cranberry fires".
-i found out the combination to the pool in the apartments by my house. now i can go swimming for free everyday.
-i quit drinking for the most part. occasionally i'll have a beer or if i'm in a controlled situation i'll drink more but i just don't want to do it to do it. if only everyone else would join me. haha. oh well. i feel better.
-i am a morning person now. this does wonders for my mood.
-i still am up super late so i basically never sleep... but that is fine. i used to only want to sleep forever and now i don't want to waste time sleeping.
-i've been going to church. it's nice. it's not what you think either. everyone is awesome. i shouldn't have ever stopped. i was just too miserable to focus on what mattered i guess. everyone makes fun of me but you know what? they're wondering what they're missing and i'm finally not.
-i'm counseling at the camp i used to go to for a week. i might do a second week because they asked me if i could but they weren't sure if they needed me. i can't wait at all. this is like all i wanted for this summer.
-i kkkkkinnnnnnnndaaaaa like someone but we're both like the same when it comes to relationships so we just don't talk about anything but it's going healthily i guess. we're good friends so it's not annoying in any way shape or form. it's just nice to have someone around.
-i found out all kinds of things that really changed who i am and what my purpose is.
-my brother has an interview today in pgh so hopefully he'll be moving here. if he decides to go back to school he is going to move in. that would be soooo awesome.
-my dad is very helpful lately. big step up from never talking. it's a mix of us finally talking and a mix of him moving out. it makes things easier. we're still both too high strung to stand each other though, lol.
-my mom actually cried the other day when we were talking. first of all she never shows any emotion. second of all we never talk about anything real. it meant a lot to me that she finally understands my side of everything. not that i want her to cry but it really meant a lot to me.
-i was told my car looks like a pedophiles. probably on account of the water balloons, candy, and bubbles... in excess. i carry a birthday party around. but it's for me.
-i forgot how much i cracked myself up when i was happy. i started hanging out with this girl from junior high who i hadn't seen in yrs and she laughs at everything i say. it does wonders for my self-esteem... haha.
-blah blah blah. a million other things are good.
the only bad thing about finally being happy is that i am aware of everyone else more. i used to be stuck in my head. now it's like i watch other people being unhappy and it's like i just don't want them to be. no one has to be. you just have to really work to get to that point. it's just hard for me to put it into words to other people without sounding ridiculous. it just sucks watching people feel the way i used to. it's not fun. i wish i could change it and that is all i think about so i guess that is why i'm going for psychology.