you squeezed my hand and told me softly that I shouldn't be afraid
I have been so down and up and down and up for the past few months. I would like to attribute my mood swings and emotional-ish-ness to the stress of school, to not sleeping, and to life in general... but I don't really know. I think it may go deeper. It is not really quite normal to find things to cry about just about every day. I really am feeling great today though and actually for quite a while. I already know full well the importance of working hard to do well in school, but the thing that I really needed to work on the past 3 years or so, has been learning that school is not a matter of life and death, and that if I do happen to get a bad grade every once in a while, that it may not be the end of the world. Nothing to cry over.
I have been working on my spiritual life a lot lately. Being in a long-distance relationship (for what seems like forever) has been putting so much stress on me, and I have been wondering what I can do differently in order to cope, and in order to handle situations more effectively. In order to be in a relationship with someone and give it my all, I really have decided that I need to understand myself a lot better before I can pry into another person's heart. I am a messed up little girl. My problems go way back... but really, even with all of the endless and countless trials I have dealt with, there is nothing thrown at me that I can not handle. Going to Catholic school, I have had religion, theology, ethics, etc, just hammered into my education, but never really held it firmly in my life. I guess when you are forced to read the Bible in order to pass a class, you don't exactly look at it the same way. While I have always worked on being good and caring about people, I hate to admit, but I never really cared a whole lot about my religious or my spiritual life. Anyways, my point is, I have been doing a lot of thinking about every part of my life (not just school and relationships.. but God as well). I have completed a final religion class and I think I'm starting to get it.
Enough about that. I have come to another important conclusion. Writing in here (for me) has always been something I did because I was lonely and I had no-one who I thought would care to hear me ramble on about my nonsense ideas and endless stream of thoughts. I have a tendency to love the phone... and if I am talking with someone who I believe is interested, I'll talk, and it won't be a short conversation. My point about this is, until I do find that person who I know loves to hear everything about my life, perhaps I am just a lonely blogger, who writes down my thoughts so that at least I can feel as if I told one person (myself) about what's going on in my life. I don't know... just random.
I really am beginning to feel a lot more at peace with who I am lately. I don't need to write in here to fulfill my desire to express my thoughts... and I don't need a long phone conversation to feel like someone cares. Well, I am trying to tell myself that at least. I hope that is the case. Otherwise, I may just go back to feeling a bit pathetic again.
I am really looking forward to this upcoming Thanksgiving. I finally get to go to my first real football game! (Broncos @ KC Chiefs).... I'm super-excited about that. It should not only be a fun time, but along with that, I feel like I haven't seen Ryan in a really long time. Sometimes I feel like we need to come up with more excuses to see each other more often (whether it be football games, or concerts)... I know we shouldn't need to use an event as an "excuse" to spend time together, but as busy as our schedules have been this semester, it is almost impossible to fit any time in. It's really pretty sad. I have been feeling so distant from him lately. I know that our relationship is still strong, and that my feelings are the same, but it's just so difficult building on a relationship when you have so little time together. Anyways, yaaay for our first Thanksgiving together! I can't wait to show him just how awful I am at cooking. :)
This semester is finally beginning to feel like it's wrapping up for me. There is still a long way to go, but I am finally free of the majority of my major projects/papers, and my two tough clinical rotations are completed as well. Community clinical, in my mind, is a big waste of time, but on the other hand, it may be the way of my school telling us that they realize the importance of having a little break. After all, they teach us so much about stress and stress reduction, so perhaps this is their way of helping us to cope. ICU and multiple client were great experiences for me, but I'm happy to be a little more relaxed as the semester wraps up.
That's enough writing for now. I'll try and get a little bit of work (and perhaps a lot of cleaning) done before bed. I don't know what made me feel like writing in here tonight... guess I just felt like talking about what's going on in life. Plus, with my adorable little computer finally up an running again, I may as well put it to some use! Night!
"Love God and do love others just as you would want to be loved" - ......it's really all about the Love. :)
I have been working on my spiritual life a lot lately. Being in a long-distance relationship (for what seems like forever) has been putting so much stress on me, and I have been wondering what I can do differently in order to cope, and in order to handle situations more effectively. In order to be in a relationship with someone and give it my all, I really have decided that I need to understand myself a lot better before I can pry into another person's heart. I am a messed up little girl. My problems go way back... but really, even with all of the endless and countless trials I have dealt with, there is nothing thrown at me that I can not handle. Going to Catholic school, I have had religion, theology, ethics, etc, just hammered into my education, but never really held it firmly in my life. I guess when you are forced to read the Bible in order to pass a class, you don't exactly look at it the same way. While I have always worked on being good and caring about people, I hate to admit, but I never really cared a whole lot about my religious or my spiritual life. Anyways, my point is, I have been doing a lot of thinking about every part of my life (not just school and relationships.. but God as well). I have completed a final religion class and I think I'm starting to get it.
Enough about that. I have come to another important conclusion. Writing in here (for me) has always been something I did because I was lonely and I had no-one who I thought would care to hear me ramble on about my nonsense ideas and endless stream of thoughts. I have a tendency to love the phone... and if I am talking with someone who I believe is interested, I'll talk, and it won't be a short conversation. My point about this is, until I do find that person who I know loves to hear everything about my life, perhaps I am just a lonely blogger, who writes down my thoughts so that at least I can feel as if I told one person (myself) about what's going on in my life. I don't know... just random.
I really am beginning to feel a lot more at peace with who I am lately. I don't need to write in here to fulfill my desire to express my thoughts... and I don't need a long phone conversation to feel like someone cares. Well, I am trying to tell myself that at least. I hope that is the case. Otherwise, I may just go back to feeling a bit pathetic again.
I am really looking forward to this upcoming Thanksgiving. I finally get to go to my first real football game! (Broncos @ KC Chiefs).... I'm super-excited about that. It should not only be a fun time, but along with that, I feel like I haven't seen Ryan in a really long time. Sometimes I feel like we need to come up with more excuses to see each other more often (whether it be football games, or concerts)... I know we shouldn't need to use an event as an "excuse" to spend time together, but as busy as our schedules have been this semester, it is almost impossible to fit any time in. It's really pretty sad. I have been feeling so distant from him lately. I know that our relationship is still strong, and that my feelings are the same, but it's just so difficult building on a relationship when you have so little time together. Anyways, yaaay for our first Thanksgiving together! I can't wait to show him just how awful I am at cooking. :)
This semester is finally beginning to feel like it's wrapping up for me. There is still a long way to go, but I am finally free of the majority of my major projects/papers, and my two tough clinical rotations are completed as well. Community clinical, in my mind, is a big waste of time, but on the other hand, it may be the way of my school telling us that they realize the importance of having a little break. After all, they teach us so much about stress and stress reduction, so perhaps this is their way of helping us to cope. ICU and multiple client were great experiences for me, but I'm happy to be a little more relaxed as the semester wraps up.
That's enough writing for now. I'll try and get a little bit of work (and perhaps a lot of cleaning) done before bed. I don't know what made me feel like writing in here tonight... guess I just felt like talking about what's going on in life. Plus, with my adorable little computer finally up an running again, I may as well put it to some use! Night!
"Love God and do love others just as you would want to be loved" - ......it's really all about the Love. :)