(no subject)
Because of the painfully obvious absence of personal current events here in the pleasure-vacuum that is my home in the south, I would like to take a few minutes to berate the ferret (pictured below).
Ferret, you are very cute. I invited you to my livejournal because I, personally, have an affinity for ferrets and I know that there is a dear place for ferrets in Jeremy's heart as well. It was my expectation that you would serve to accurately convey my posting-moods, bring that unique rodential cuteness to my livejournal, and bring a smile to the faces of us ferret-lovers. I am sorry to say that you have only faintly succeeded on the second and third counts, and your performance on the first count has been an entire failure. Consult my livejournal: do you realize that your ecstatic face is exactly the same as your mellow and examinate faces? That's the least ecstatic face I've ever seen! Ferret, how are my dutiful readers going to know whether I am truly ecstatic if you won't make a goddamn ecstatic face?!?! And have you noticed that your cranky, aggravated, annoyed, angry, and sulking faces are all the same as your mellow/examinate/ecstatic faces, but with a little anger-swirl above them???
I gave you the benefit of the doubt for some time, because I assumed that ferrets were not, by nature, particularly facially expressive creatures. But then I saw what you were capable of, ferret: I saw your working face, your artistic face, your devious face. Don't tell me now, ferret, that you can do those, but you CAN'T make an ecstatic face!
You have failed to articulate the intricacies of my livejournal, ferret, and I am letting you go. Outsourcing, downsizing, moving in a another direction. Get your smug mug off my livejournal. Consider this your one-post notice.
Ferret, you are very cute. I invited you to my livejournal because I, personally, have an affinity for ferrets and I know that there is a dear place for ferrets in Jeremy's heart as well. It was my expectation that you would serve to accurately convey my posting-moods, bring that unique rodential cuteness to my livejournal, and bring a smile to the faces of us ferret-lovers. I am sorry to say that you have only faintly succeeded on the second and third counts, and your performance on the first count has been an entire failure. Consult my livejournal: do you realize that your ecstatic face is exactly the same as your mellow and examinate faces? That's the least ecstatic face I've ever seen! Ferret, how are my dutiful readers going to know whether I am truly ecstatic if you won't make a goddamn ecstatic face?!?! And have you noticed that your cranky, aggravated, annoyed, angry, and sulking faces are all the same as your mellow/examinate/ecstatic faces, but with a little anger-swirl above them???
I gave you the benefit of the doubt for some time, because I assumed that ferrets were not, by nature, particularly facially expressive creatures. But then I saw what you were capable of, ferret: I saw your working face, your artistic face, your devious face. Don't tell me now, ferret, that you can do those, but you CAN'T make an ecstatic face!
You have failed to articulate the intricacies of my livejournal, ferret, and I am letting you go. Outsourcing, downsizing, moving in a another direction. Get your smug mug off my livejournal. Consider this your one-post notice.