The New Adventures of Sans Pants
This morning, I had already been on the T for two stops when I looked down and observed that I was wearing no pants whatsoever.
Upon peeling back the folds of my long coat, I could see boots, stockings, and my snowflake-print underwear, but that was about it.
After a brief, frantic consultation of my internal star charts to try and recall the process I'd employed in getting dressed this morning, I felt very strongly that I had, at some juncture, applied a white skirt to myself. True, its waistband was elastic and without snaps or clasps to secure it. That said, I had definitely put it on; as I ran for it, it had obviously worked itself to the ground and separated from my person without my notice. But where?
While the universe likes to kick me sometimes, it obviously isn't completely contemptuous, as the skirt did prove to be on the train car with me. It just so happened to be at the exact opposite end of the car, which I discovered when I glanced toward it and observed an approximately four-year-old girl throwing my skirt up and down in the air and cooing "Pretty, pretty, pretty!"
Wrapping my coat around me as tightly as possible, I approached her, informed her that that was my skirt, and wondered if I might have it back from her. She looked down at my legs. "Did it fall off?" she asked.
"Well, yes. It did fall off."
"HA HA YOU LOST YOUR SKIRT. You stupid. Mama, look, don't she look stupid?"
I quietly agreed that I had indeed been most impressively stupid, and informed her of the extent of my gratitude if she would de-stupid me and return my skirt to me. She placed it in my hands, and I awkwardly turned my back to the 90% of my fellow passengers who were now watching the proceedings with keen interest. I attempted to step back into the skirt and hike it back up under my coat with minimal underwear exposure, eliciting guffaws from throughout the car. It was at this point that I heard the girl's mother mutter, "World's gone to shit, even young bitches don't be wearin' pants no more."
Now: Was her remark intended to convey disapproval of my failure to keep the skirt on, or my decision to choose a skirt at all over pants? Please direct all responses to this LiveJournal, as I will be hiding in my office today and not stepping away from the computer for fear I will be confronted by another human being who will see into my scattered, pantsless heart.
Emily
Upon peeling back the folds of my long coat, I could see boots, stockings, and my snowflake-print underwear, but that was about it.
After a brief, frantic consultation of my internal star charts to try and recall the process I'd employed in getting dressed this morning, I felt very strongly that I had, at some juncture, applied a white skirt to myself. True, its waistband was elastic and without snaps or clasps to secure it. That said, I had definitely put it on; as I ran for it, it had obviously worked itself to the ground and separated from my person without my notice. But where?
While the universe likes to kick me sometimes, it obviously isn't completely contemptuous, as the skirt did prove to be on the train car with me. It just so happened to be at the exact opposite end of the car, which I discovered when I glanced toward it and observed an approximately four-year-old girl throwing my skirt up and down in the air and cooing "Pretty, pretty, pretty!"
Wrapping my coat around me as tightly as possible, I approached her, informed her that that was my skirt, and wondered if I might have it back from her. She looked down at my legs. "Did it fall off?" she asked.
"Well, yes. It did fall off."
"HA HA YOU LOST YOUR SKIRT. You stupid. Mama, look, don't she look stupid?"
I quietly agreed that I had indeed been most impressively stupid, and informed her of the extent of my gratitude if she would de-stupid me and return my skirt to me. She placed it in my hands, and I awkwardly turned my back to the 90% of my fellow passengers who were now watching the proceedings with keen interest. I attempted to step back into the skirt and hike it back up under my coat with minimal underwear exposure, eliciting guffaws from throughout the car. It was at this point that I heard the girl's mother mutter, "World's gone to shit, even young bitches don't be wearin' pants no more."
Now: Was her remark intended to convey disapproval of my failure to keep the skirt on, or my decision to choose a skirt at all over pants? Please direct all responses to this LiveJournal, as I will be hiding in my office today and not stepping away from the computer for fear I will be confronted by another human being who will see into my scattered, pantsless heart.
Emily