Midlife whaat not
I was flipping through my old emails, dating from 2000, the year of the Europe trip. And wondered. How far am I from that. Firstly, I have gastric pains which I didn't used to have, and an overall lethargy for anything productive, like work, arranging cambodia photos, feeding myself. I wonder what went wrong in these 5 ancient years. Spinning from the inevitability of self-denunciation, I am working my brain cells hard to pin point the day, it all fell apart. This is not a suicide note because mine spirit would have died way before this. I don't know... from the day I moved house, form a bright sunny apartment to a dinghy crack in the wall. The day I realised work was not going to get more fulfiling than public holidays, skiving opportunities and MC. The pseudo hunger pangs in my stomach and my tired eyes remind me that tomorrow is going to be worse than today. Because tomorrow, I need to work again. The doctor summed it up perfectly. She called a a firm switch a 'major life-changing event' along with moving house and the passing on of a loved one. Who could've thought doctors knew so much about the human psyche. I am flattered by her kind rationalisation of why I am not myself since I joined the new firm. As I flip through the emails, I see life, a longing for occupation of time, self, doing various things, keeping stoically in contact with long distance friends, an understated zest for life. Where is this person? And my CD player is spoilt.