expressing myself....

[money_needed]

Is it alright to feel like a complete and total failure... Doesn't feel like it... i tried out for a play... was casted in a meaningless role... I didn't feel like driving to downtown detroit to do a meaningless role...

I want to be an actor so badly that I'm scared to be anything else... But I've never gotten the chance to shine when it really mattered... I feel like I'm being told that I shouldn't aspire to be great when I feel I failed myself... I'm scared... truly scared... I hate myself... I haven't felt this depressed since... I don't wanna remember that time... That time makes me want to hate myself for stupid thoughts... I don't know what to do...

Everyone wants to be remembered... So do I god damnit!... It's hard to explain... I see everyone setting out to be what they want... I've haven't even gotten close... I want this so badly... it's damn near killing me that I feel like I'm being told you're not good enough... what if I'm not... What if I'm fooling myself... Maybe I'm not good enough to make it... I've seen no proof of having the ability to carry the load...

My Birthday is in 3 days... 20 years old... something to look forward to...