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[monet599]

Per my last post, I think what I realized is that I let a boy start to pull me away from my independence. That's not acceptable. I woke up this morning and re-claimed it, and already feel better :)

[No, it doesn't mean I broke up with him!]

Comments

[lightningspark]

i need to not do this, too. big time.

and yeah, realizing that makes you feel loads better. good for you.

[monet599]

Have you ever read or seen the book, "Why Men Love Bitches"? It's awesome and it's helped some friends of mine with their boys (and husbands)!

[lightningspark]

i haven't. i should read it, huh?

i have a book on putting yourself first. it's sad that i had to actually read something like that. but it's helpful. i have a horrible tendency to put the guys i date before me and their needs/wants before mine, which results in serious attachment weirdness and issues.

because i rule.

i lost my last relationship (although he keeps saying he 'hasn't ruled anything out') recently and i'm overhauling myself.

[monet599]

Yes, a definite must read because yes, it is about putting yourself first and not in a philosophical manner. It's a straight up, as if a girlfriend of yours was talking to you bluntly, sort of way... it's not about feminism, just ME-sim.

I think I began to put his needs/time before mine, and it was starting to get to me. Like I gave him a "if you want to see me tonight after your dinner with your friend, let me know" and he never called to meet up and that began to eat away at me. And I was like, WHOA, wait. Why should I care?

Hell, I had "So You Think You Can Dance?" to watch - yeah, I had shit to do! :)

[lightningspark]

AND i happen to have an amazon gift certificate!

i do it unconsciously, which is the problem. and it's also not limited to guys, but sometimes to other close relationships. and the more i think about it... i can trace it back pretty far. this is NOT what caused this relationship (or this phase of this relationship... not because i am hell-bent on getting back together, but because we work together and have a large number of friends in common, so anything can happen, here) to end. but i have CERTAINLY had multiple instances of what you just explained feeling... even since breaking up, over stupid small things.

i'm making an effort to do more things just for me... one night a week where i don't do anything at all, but be all veggie-like and pampered. going back to ballet classes now and then. going to re-take up kickboxing. etc.

the book i have is 'choosing me over we.' i'd recommend it if you feel like you need an extra push. has a lot of sit-down-and-write-this-out-and-think exercises in it.