Stress, tons of stress
I know that it has been ten weeks since the last update, but never fear I'm still alive - BARELY. The wedding has been moved to August 4th of this year and let me tell you once that change was made it was stress coming at me from everywhere.
I had it from my dad who wouldn't even look at me because I had moved it up seven months and he can't really afford the wedding now. That stress pissed me off completely because you would think with my parents being the traditional ones that they are, they would have been saving money since I was young to afford my wedding. They didn't do that. (Strike one.)They didn't even start saving the money when Mike and I started to date while I told them that there was something different about them. (Strike two.) They didn't even start saving the money when we got engaged last August. (Strike three.) It is their own fault that they didn't have any money saved up. I guess that they had just planned on paying for everything starting in December when the wedding would be in March. My parents have honestly made the planning process horrible for me. At least one day a week since the wedding has been moved up I have called Mike basically crying. I know I have always wanted to wear the white dress and everything, but I still wish we would have just eloped. I wouldn't have this disdain towards my parents.
Stress came up when half of the things I had planned on for the March wedding worked, but the other half fell through. I had to find a new DJ, a new church, rush order of my dress, new attendants (constantly on Mike's side), new favors just to name a few.
My mom has been treating me like crap as well a lot more. She is starting to sever the ties between us after I move. She continues to treat me like I'm 15. She tells me how to drive, how I should dress, how I should have my room cleaner than clean even though no one is upstairs regularly beside me. She has also said that my big butt is breaking my brother's recliner that we moved to my room when my blue one broke earlier this year. (Yeah that hurt. No mother should ever tell that to their daughter no matter what.) Even though the side that she is talking about has been like that for years, she still blames me. Oh yeah, last week, I volunteered to mow the law on Tuesday because I had only two appointments, one about the decorations for the wedding, and one with the cake lady that evening. So I figured while I waited I could work on my tan and mow the lawn. Wrong, mom ran errands so much that we got home an hour before I had to leave to go to the cake lady meeting. She insisted on coming and went so slow resulting us in being about 20 minutes late to the meeting. I HATE BEING LATE. Anyways the next day I was told I wasn't allowed to go shop for my shoes for the wedding. (A 24 YEAR OLD WAS TOLD SHE CAN'T DRIVE HER CAR TO DO SOMETHING!) Instead I had to mow the lawn, which really didn't need to be mowed except in a few spots. Even though the grass is so dry because of the lack of rain, I was told to mow everything TWICE. May not seem like a big deal, but doing the entire thing once takes about one full hour. I didn't mind doing it one time, but not twice especially when it was 90 degrees outside and they refused to turn on the air. When I had told dad to tell mom that i don't appreciate being told that I can't do things that I had planned on doing his comment was well you said you would do it. I said that I would mow the lawn on Tuesday not Wednesday. So I mowed the entire thing one time, in the process getting an upset stomach and getting two heat rashes that still have yet to leave.
Oh yeah, I had found out that in April, when I renewed my license and my stickers on my plates, that my insurance had expired in March. I thought that my parents took care of it. So I continued to drive back and forth to Chicago. Found out a week or two ago that I still didn't have an updated proof in my car. Instead of waiting on my parents to take care of it, I called the insurance company myself and asked proof for my car. I didn't ask for the other two vehicles because they led me to believe that they had proof for the two trucks. Well the proof came in the next day and they are STILL throwing a fit that proof didn't come for all three vehicles instead of just my car. (That was Wednesday, four days ago!)
I'm tired of being treated the way that I am treated. Lets not forget last weekend either. I had the pleasure of being in Chicago with Mike for a week. It was a great week. We got our wedding bands and I got my engagement ring back on my finger. We found an apartment (more on that later.) and we just had an overall great time. My friend Jenny and her husband were wanting to come to Chicago to have a couples retreat away from their six (yes six) children. My parents ended up inviting themselves which just bugged the daylights out of me. Jenny invited another couple from the church, a deaf couple that I have known since I was like six or seven. So it was going to be four couples, my parents, Jenny and Joe, Karen and Jeff, along with Mike and Me. I was planning on staying with Mike at his parents place so that I could sleep next to him. I was going to use my connections from my old boss and my friends still remaining at school to get a guest suite to rent at Presidential Towers. I was going to get two, two-bedroom apartments. I ended up canceling one because all three couples could fit into one. Well m y parents who invited themselves insisted on having one of the rooms because my dad just could not sleep on an air mattress. (I think it was inconsiderate because they only think about themselves and the fact that they are looking into a sleep number mattress to replace their old one. Well, it just happens to be an air mattress.) Anyways, we thought that we would give the other bedroom to the deaf couple leaving Joe and Jenny on an air mattress in the living room. The people who originally wanted the weekend out are left to the living room with no privacy. So Jenny and Joe had asked me to get another room that they would pay for themselves so that they could have a room to themselves. So I tried to arrange it. Turns out that when they got to Chicago, there had been a mix up with the rooms, and we had two, one-bedroom guest suites reserved for us. The other two couples didn't mind, but of course, it was my parents who made a big deal of it and treated me like I didn't know what I was doing.
They ventured out, and after my parents being in Chicago NUMEROUS times they still can't find themselves around or depend on themselves. So what I had to do was basically be at their mercy so that they could go to the places that they wanted to. They had me on the phone most of the time, because they couldn't rely on themselves finding their own ways around Chicago. I wouldn't have minded being with them, but with them acting this way, I had to miss being with Mike when he had his appointment to get the last stage of his teeth fixed. I was there for like the last ten minutes. Here I was wanting to take care of my fiance (since he took care of me when I had a bad case of the flu in January) but I couldn't because my parents were constantly on the telephone wanting to know how to get to point B from point A.
Leaving was miserable again because I didn't want to be with my parents alone in the house. I knew things were going to be bad. I just cried most of last Sunday trying to keep it together. Unfortunately my mom insisted on riding with me in the car when I wanted anyone but her or my dad in the car with me. I really hate leaving Chicago.
Another stress that I found out last week was that Eddie (Mike's brother) is being sent to California for training before being shipped out to Iraq. No biggie right? Wrong - turns out he is being sent in July for a little bit. We don't know what time yet. If it is early July he can still make it to the wedding. If it is in mid to late July, he can't make it to the wedding. The reason why we moved up the wedding may not even be there. I don't blame Eddie don't get me wrong. It's just another thing to have to worry about and stress about for Mike's sake. Mike won't be himself if his brother isn't there. Plus we'll have find another person to fill the groomsman spot since we already had to put the substitute in to replace a friend who took a job in Arizona. STRESS, LET ME TELL YOU.
That isn't even today's stress. You remember about the apartment that I had said we found? Well Mike and I had decided that it people don't need to know everything that we are doing. So we weren't going to tell people about finding the apartment unless they asked, minus the family members. Well I get to church, find out that my nosy mother has told a few people that we had found an apartment. Lovely . . . didn't want to talk about it. I had talking about things that pertain to me because I don't like the attention. That was even before the service had started. My church is small and intimate. We have this thing called a prayer prompter so that people may pray about things pertaining to the people attending the church. Without my knowledge things pertaining to the wedding and about the apartment search were in there today. Well the wedding thing has been in there since March, but I didn't ask to put it in. So my loud mouth of a father told everyone, well the apartment has been found, Beth why don't you tell everyone about it. He never remembers my wishes and here I sit with everyone looking at me. HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT. At lunch he explained the reason why he mentioned was that it was on the prayer prompter. Even though the apartment has nothing to do with him, he still seeks attention. Then he asked about the people we were going to invited to the rehearsal dinner. Mike and I were planning on keeping it to a minimal because my parents (mom) is complaining about the money used is getting close to the wedding budget limit. Well, the number is now up to 63 I believe. Outrageous I believe. We don't need that many people. I can't cut people out because my loud mouth mother has already told people that they are invited. Drives me nuts. When we are driving home, I am told what I am doing this afternoon. Me, a 24 female just 48 days away from being married is told what she has to do. My parents were going to go visit my grandparents and my mom's best friend because her son is in from Oregon who is leaving tomorrow. I didn't mind going, but my mom's best friend doesn't have air conditioning. With it being 92 degrees and my stomach already having problems due to the heat, I couldn't bear going. So I am given the guilt trip on not going and having them drive THEIR TRUCK instead of MY CAR. Plus, my dad never said squat about his fathers day card that Mike and I bought. Guess we didn't have to buy it after all and we just wasted money. I'm sure Mike's dad mentioned something to Mike about his.
I'm tired of everything. I was also told what I'm doing tomorrow. I have to go through my things and decide what I want to put in the garage sale - a garage sale that I didn't want to be a part of. Because the proceeds are going towards - get this - my parents outfits for the wedding. Not for financial help for me and Mike afterwards, or moving costs, or food costs. No, it's for their freaking attire!
Let's get started on my mom's attire shall we? She is throwing a fit because she doesn't understand why she can't wear the same outfit that she wore to my brother's wedding last year to my wedding this year. Simple, she asked if she could wear blue since she looks the best in blue. Mike's mom had said the same thing, so blue is the color that the mother's are wearing. Now my mom wants to wear the dress that she wore to Jon's wedding last year. A black dress with a jacket that is black, and silver sequins on it everywhere. Problem, no blue anywhere or green. The two wedding colors. Just stop complaining, get your butt off of the chair, stop watching tv during the day when dads working and go shop for your dress.
So yeah, I get the pleasure of going through years of memories this week fighting with my mom in what I think should be trashed, put in the garage sale, and kept. I'm not looking forward to it. Especially when it's going to be 90s for most of the week and I'll be upstairs in a warm closet.
Last night I felt lonely again. I tagged along with my parents to my brother's place where he cooked dinner (with the help of his wife) for my dad. Found out that he's closer to the nephews and nieces than me. I just want to move to Chicago now. I mean, honestly who would visit from my family. No one just like they did the entire time I was over for school. I had two visits from siblings. One was graduation, the other was bringing me back for a few days. I'm just tired of being lonely, being left out, and felt like I don't know anything that is going on. Sometimes I just wonder if I was born just to endure all of this unhappiness on purpose. If so, I don't like it one bit.
I had it from my dad who wouldn't even look at me because I had moved it up seven months and he can't really afford the wedding now. That stress pissed me off completely because you would think with my parents being the traditional ones that they are, they would have been saving money since I was young to afford my wedding. They didn't do that. (Strike one.)They didn't even start saving the money when Mike and I started to date while I told them that there was something different about them. (Strike two.) They didn't even start saving the money when we got engaged last August. (Strike three.) It is their own fault that they didn't have any money saved up. I guess that they had just planned on paying for everything starting in December when the wedding would be in March. My parents have honestly made the planning process horrible for me. At least one day a week since the wedding has been moved up I have called Mike basically crying. I know I have always wanted to wear the white dress and everything, but I still wish we would have just eloped. I wouldn't have this disdain towards my parents.
Stress came up when half of the things I had planned on for the March wedding worked, but the other half fell through. I had to find a new DJ, a new church, rush order of my dress, new attendants (constantly on Mike's side), new favors just to name a few.
My mom has been treating me like crap as well a lot more. She is starting to sever the ties between us after I move. She continues to treat me like I'm 15. She tells me how to drive, how I should dress, how I should have my room cleaner than clean even though no one is upstairs regularly beside me. She has also said that my big butt is breaking my brother's recliner that we moved to my room when my blue one broke earlier this year. (Yeah that hurt. No mother should ever tell that to their daughter no matter what.) Even though the side that she is talking about has been like that for years, she still blames me. Oh yeah, last week, I volunteered to mow the law on Tuesday because I had only two appointments, one about the decorations for the wedding, and one with the cake lady that evening. So I figured while I waited I could work on my tan and mow the lawn. Wrong, mom ran errands so much that we got home an hour before I had to leave to go to the cake lady meeting. She insisted on coming and went so slow resulting us in being about 20 minutes late to the meeting. I HATE BEING LATE. Anyways the next day I was told I wasn't allowed to go shop for my shoes for the wedding. (A 24 YEAR OLD WAS TOLD SHE CAN'T DRIVE HER CAR TO DO SOMETHING!) Instead I had to mow the lawn, which really didn't need to be mowed except in a few spots. Even though the grass is so dry because of the lack of rain, I was told to mow everything TWICE. May not seem like a big deal, but doing the entire thing once takes about one full hour. I didn't mind doing it one time, but not twice especially when it was 90 degrees outside and they refused to turn on the air. When I had told dad to tell mom that i don't appreciate being told that I can't do things that I had planned on doing his comment was well you said you would do it. I said that I would mow the lawn on Tuesday not Wednesday. So I mowed the entire thing one time, in the process getting an upset stomach and getting two heat rashes that still have yet to leave.
Oh yeah, I had found out that in April, when I renewed my license and my stickers on my plates, that my insurance had expired in March. I thought that my parents took care of it. So I continued to drive back and forth to Chicago. Found out a week or two ago that I still didn't have an updated proof in my car. Instead of waiting on my parents to take care of it, I called the insurance company myself and asked proof for my car. I didn't ask for the other two vehicles because they led me to believe that they had proof for the two trucks. Well the proof came in the next day and they are STILL throwing a fit that proof didn't come for all three vehicles instead of just my car. (That was Wednesday, four days ago!)
I'm tired of being treated the way that I am treated. Lets not forget last weekend either. I had the pleasure of being in Chicago with Mike for a week. It was a great week. We got our wedding bands and I got my engagement ring back on my finger. We found an apartment (more on that later.) and we just had an overall great time. My friend Jenny and her husband were wanting to come to Chicago to have a couples retreat away from their six (yes six) children. My parents ended up inviting themselves which just bugged the daylights out of me. Jenny invited another couple from the church, a deaf couple that I have known since I was like six or seven. So it was going to be four couples, my parents, Jenny and Joe, Karen and Jeff, along with Mike and Me. I was planning on staying with Mike at his parents place so that I could sleep next to him. I was going to use my connections from my old boss and my friends still remaining at school to get a guest suite to rent at Presidential Towers. I was going to get two, two-bedroom apartments. I ended up canceling one because all three couples could fit into one. Well m y parents who invited themselves insisted on having one of the rooms because my dad just could not sleep on an air mattress. (I think it was inconsiderate because they only think about themselves and the fact that they are looking into a sleep number mattress to replace their old one. Well, it just happens to be an air mattress.) Anyways, we thought that we would give the other bedroom to the deaf couple leaving Joe and Jenny on an air mattress in the living room. The people who originally wanted the weekend out are left to the living room with no privacy. So Jenny and Joe had asked me to get another room that they would pay for themselves so that they could have a room to themselves. So I tried to arrange it. Turns out that when they got to Chicago, there had been a mix up with the rooms, and we had two, one-bedroom guest suites reserved for us. The other two couples didn't mind, but of course, it was my parents who made a big deal of it and treated me like I didn't know what I was doing.
They ventured out, and after my parents being in Chicago NUMEROUS times they still can't find themselves around or depend on themselves. So what I had to do was basically be at their mercy so that they could go to the places that they wanted to. They had me on the phone most of the time, because they couldn't rely on themselves finding their own ways around Chicago. I wouldn't have minded being with them, but with them acting this way, I had to miss being with Mike when he had his appointment to get the last stage of his teeth fixed. I was there for like the last ten minutes. Here I was wanting to take care of my fiance (since he took care of me when I had a bad case of the flu in January) but I couldn't because my parents were constantly on the telephone wanting to know how to get to point B from point A.
Leaving was miserable again because I didn't want to be with my parents alone in the house. I knew things were going to be bad. I just cried most of last Sunday trying to keep it together. Unfortunately my mom insisted on riding with me in the car when I wanted anyone but her or my dad in the car with me. I really hate leaving Chicago.
Another stress that I found out last week was that Eddie (Mike's brother) is being sent to California for training before being shipped out to Iraq. No biggie right? Wrong - turns out he is being sent in July for a little bit. We don't know what time yet. If it is early July he can still make it to the wedding. If it is in mid to late July, he can't make it to the wedding. The reason why we moved up the wedding may not even be there. I don't blame Eddie don't get me wrong. It's just another thing to have to worry about and stress about for Mike's sake. Mike won't be himself if his brother isn't there. Plus we'll have find another person to fill the groomsman spot since we already had to put the substitute in to replace a friend who took a job in Arizona. STRESS, LET ME TELL YOU.
That isn't even today's stress. You remember about the apartment that I had said we found? Well Mike and I had decided that it people don't need to know everything that we are doing. So we weren't going to tell people about finding the apartment unless they asked, minus the family members. Well I get to church, find out that my nosy mother has told a few people that we had found an apartment. Lovely . . . didn't want to talk about it. I had talking about things that pertain to me because I don't like the attention. That was even before the service had started. My church is small and intimate. We have this thing called a prayer prompter so that people may pray about things pertaining to the people attending the church. Without my knowledge things pertaining to the wedding and about the apartment search were in there today. Well the wedding thing has been in there since March, but I didn't ask to put it in. So my loud mouth of a father told everyone, well the apartment has been found, Beth why don't you tell everyone about it. He never remembers my wishes and here I sit with everyone looking at me. HATE IT, HATE IT, HATE IT. At lunch he explained the reason why he mentioned was that it was on the prayer prompter. Even though the apartment has nothing to do with him, he still seeks attention. Then he asked about the people we were going to invited to the rehearsal dinner. Mike and I were planning on keeping it to a minimal because my parents (mom) is complaining about the money used is getting close to the wedding budget limit. Well, the number is now up to 63 I believe. Outrageous I believe. We don't need that many people. I can't cut people out because my loud mouth mother has already told people that they are invited. Drives me nuts. When we are driving home, I am told what I am doing this afternoon. Me, a 24 female just 48 days away from being married is told what she has to do. My parents were going to go visit my grandparents and my mom's best friend because her son is in from Oregon who is leaving tomorrow. I didn't mind going, but my mom's best friend doesn't have air conditioning. With it being 92 degrees and my stomach already having problems due to the heat, I couldn't bear going. So I am given the guilt trip on not going and having them drive THEIR TRUCK instead of MY CAR. Plus, my dad never said squat about his fathers day card that Mike and I bought. Guess we didn't have to buy it after all and we just wasted money. I'm sure Mike's dad mentioned something to Mike about his.
I'm tired of everything. I was also told what I'm doing tomorrow. I have to go through my things and decide what I want to put in the garage sale - a garage sale that I didn't want to be a part of. Because the proceeds are going towards - get this - my parents outfits for the wedding. Not for financial help for me and Mike afterwards, or moving costs, or food costs. No, it's for their freaking attire!
Let's get started on my mom's attire shall we? She is throwing a fit because she doesn't understand why she can't wear the same outfit that she wore to my brother's wedding last year to my wedding this year. Simple, she asked if she could wear blue since she looks the best in blue. Mike's mom had said the same thing, so blue is the color that the mother's are wearing. Now my mom wants to wear the dress that she wore to Jon's wedding last year. A black dress with a jacket that is black, and silver sequins on it everywhere. Problem, no blue anywhere or green. The two wedding colors. Just stop complaining, get your butt off of the chair, stop watching tv during the day when dads working and go shop for your dress.
So yeah, I get the pleasure of going through years of memories this week fighting with my mom in what I think should be trashed, put in the garage sale, and kept. I'm not looking forward to it. Especially when it's going to be 90s for most of the week and I'll be upstairs in a warm closet.
Last night I felt lonely again. I tagged along with my parents to my brother's place where he cooked dinner (with the help of his wife) for my dad. Found out that he's closer to the nephews and nieces than me. I just want to move to Chicago now. I mean, honestly who would visit from my family. No one just like they did the entire time I was over for school. I had two visits from siblings. One was graduation, the other was bringing me back for a few days. I'm just tired of being lonely, being left out, and felt like I don't know anything that is going on. Sometimes I just wonder if I was born just to endure all of this unhappiness on purpose. If so, I don't like it one bit.