Anorexia-Bulemia
This was originally a comment to a post ... but I thought a bit more about it.. and thought that maybe I should actually post about it.. since I was there.
There are proana sites here, and there, and everywhere... like it is a style choice.. of life.
When I was 16 - 21, I was anorexic-bulimic. This wasn't a choice .. where I thought that being stick thin was beautiful.. it was more that what I saw in the mirror was fat. I could not see myself the way others saw me.
Even at one point, a friend took a picture of me holding my niece. When I looked at the photo, I didn't see how skinny I was.. I saw how large my hands looked. My hands looked so big because my arms had nothing but flesh and bones. You could actually see the two separate bones in my arms, but all I saw was big hands. In my passport photo at the time, you could see my collar bone, as if it were placed on the outside of my body.. Every bone in my body was visible, and my pelvic bone looked as if it were protruding.. yet I still thought I was fat.
I personally never saw the bones.. but I can tell you at 5'9" and just at 100 pounds, I found myself to be too fat. I didn't wear a size 2 like everyone else.. I didn't eat unless someone around me 'forced' me to eat, and then I would throw up.. not forced, just, my body couldn't handle a 'regular' sized meal, and it expelled it. Back then, not too much was known about it.. and really... NO ONE EVER TOLD ME I WAS TOO THIN. I had to go to specialty shops to find clothes that fit, and mostly I wore baggy clothes, to hide my 'fat'.
After I got pregnant with my first child, I had to go to a high risk pregnancy specialist, who taught me how to eat very small meals, and get back to 'normal'. I never returned to being anorexic-bulimic, but I still suffer the consequences of it to this day. I didn't do drugs or anything like that.. but your body will tell you the rest of your life that you are staving, and you have to be careful about how you eat and how you 'don't eat', because at this point in time.. every time you skip a meal, your body freaks out and thinks you are starving... not to mention the damage that it does on your teeth and your bones.
I don't get the proana sites at all.. I didn't do it consciously, this was a sub-conscious thing, because I couldn't fit in.. I had been told I was fat all my life. Even when I was nothing but muscle.. I wore a size 10.. Size 10 is FAT in our society.
I was, and still am told about being fat.. and it's hard on the self esteem. Right now I weigh a bit more, but a few years ago.. at 168 pounds, I was told to my face that any woman that weighs over 150, is just a big fat lazy pig... At 160 - 168 pounds.. I wore a size 7. Still being told I was FAT.
I think it's time to start looking at the way society tells us what is fat, what is beautiful, what is chic.. etc... I weigh 188 pounds right now, and am considered obese..
There are proana sites here, and there, and everywhere... like it is a style choice.. of life.
When I was 16 - 21, I was anorexic-bulimic. This wasn't a choice .. where I thought that being stick thin was beautiful.. it was more that what I saw in the mirror was fat. I could not see myself the way others saw me.
Even at one point, a friend took a picture of me holding my niece. When I looked at the photo, I didn't see how skinny I was.. I saw how large my hands looked. My hands looked so big because my arms had nothing but flesh and bones. You could actually see the two separate bones in my arms, but all I saw was big hands. In my passport photo at the time, you could see my collar bone, as if it were placed on the outside of my body.. Every bone in my body was visible, and my pelvic bone looked as if it were protruding.. yet I still thought I was fat.
I personally never saw the bones.. but I can tell you at 5'9" and just at 100 pounds, I found myself to be too fat. I didn't wear a size 2 like everyone else.. I didn't eat unless someone around me 'forced' me to eat, and then I would throw up.. not forced, just, my body couldn't handle a 'regular' sized meal, and it expelled it. Back then, not too much was known about it.. and really... NO ONE EVER TOLD ME I WAS TOO THIN. I had to go to specialty shops to find clothes that fit, and mostly I wore baggy clothes, to hide my 'fat'.
After I got pregnant with my first child, I had to go to a high risk pregnancy specialist, who taught me how to eat very small meals, and get back to 'normal'. I never returned to being anorexic-bulimic, but I still suffer the consequences of it to this day. I didn't do drugs or anything like that.. but your body will tell you the rest of your life that you are staving, and you have to be careful about how you eat and how you 'don't eat', because at this point in time.. every time you skip a meal, your body freaks out and thinks you are starving... not to mention the damage that it does on your teeth and your bones.
I don't get the proana sites at all.. I didn't do it consciously, this was a sub-conscious thing, because I couldn't fit in.. I had been told I was fat all my life. Even when I was nothing but muscle.. I wore a size 10.. Size 10 is FAT in our society.
I was, and still am told about being fat.. and it's hard on the self esteem. Right now I weigh a bit more, but a few years ago.. at 168 pounds, I was told to my face that any woman that weighs over 150, is just a big fat lazy pig... At 160 - 168 pounds.. I wore a size 7. Still being told I was FAT.
I think it's time to start looking at the way society tells us what is fat, what is beautiful, what is chic.. etc... I weigh 188 pounds right now, and am considered obese..