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WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BASTARD DOING HERE? Fuck, if Aizen shows up...
...
Oi. So. Figure that since people in my universe keep showing up like flies to a corpse, I figure that I oughta tell you all about the Espada, since considering that bastard Ichimaru's here... tch. Let's just say that some of these bastards are worse than me, and leave it at that.
So. The Espada. Elite Arrancar fighting force, yeah? Full of complete bastards, too. They're pretty much the strongest Arrancar in Hueco Mundo, and they're ranked in order of power, with Primera being most powerful and Diez being least powerful. If they show up here and get their chips out, they will fuck everyone's shit up. I'm not fucking kidding. The Shinigami could probably handle a few of them, but... shit.
As a bonus, I'll tell you about our fearless goddamn leaders, as they're even worse as far as sheer bastardry goes.
Right. Diez is Yammy. He's pretty easy to recognize: huge as fuck, got a mask like a jaw on his chin, a ponytail, orange crescent-shaped tattoos on his cheekbones, and he's got... horns, I guess? Whatever the fuck. He's a big idiot, but he's... powerful enough, I guess. The weakest of the Espada? Sure. But compared to your average human... yeah, he'll fuck you up. To give you an idea of things, his specialty allows him to suck out the souls of regular people and eat 'em.
Novena Espada is Arroenero. He looks like a tall masked guy in a coat that's... ruffles. Yeah, I don't know how the fuck to describe it, other than goddamn ruffles. He's technically from the weakest class, but he has the ability to absorb the powers of other Hollows, so he got... pretty fuckin' strong, I guess. He can impersonate this one Shinigami in the dark, but if he gets in the light he's... two skull-things floating in a test tube, what the hell, and... shit, you don't even want to know his released form. One word: Tentacles.
Octava Espada is Szayel-Aporro, a.k.a. THAT FUCKING FREAK. He's really goddamn thin and has pink hair and glasses. Yeah, that kind. I... can't really say what exactly he does, but I know it's freaky as hell.
Septima is Zomari. He's pretty much our only contribution to ethnic diversity and he has horns on his head. He turns into a pumpkin. Yeah. Of course, he can take over your body parts, too, so... yeah. I'm not actually sure if he actually has a personality or not.
Sexta is yours truly. At full power, I could take out all of the above with no problem. The bottom five are a bit tricky, though; maybe I could take out Quinta, if I was lucky and if I wasn't tired or anything.
Quinta? Quinta is Nnoitra. Women, just... stay the hell away from him. He's got greasy hair, an eyepatch that covers a hole in his head, and really bad teeth. HUECO MUNDO HAS A REALLY SHITTY DENTAL PROGRAM. He also has no concept of consent. He can... grow extra arms, I guess. And he'll shank you when you're trying to have a goddamn fight. Fucking bastard.
Quarta is Ulquiorra. He's real goddamn pale and has big green eyes with emo makeup. I hate him. If he shows up here I'm going to kill him.
...Primera, Segunda, and Tercera? They'll kill you if you run into 'em. No point in going into them.
WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR FEARLESS GODDAMN LEADERS:
Tousen is some blind guy who really likes justice, except I don't think that word means what he thinks it means. Bastard cut my arm off for no reason once. Well, okay, there was a little bit of a reason, but seriously.
Gin's here. He's a bastard who'll pretend to be all friendly yeah but look at that smile. That is not the smile of a friendly person. That is the smile of a convicted sex offender. Kids, if he offers you candy, don't get into his van.
Which brings us to the biggest bastard of 'em all: Aizen Sousuke. He's got brown hair that he must dump a gallon of Crisco in every morning to get it to stay back like that. And there's that godawful fucking bang. And that smug-ass smile he always. Fucking hell I hate that bastard.
So, yeah, there you have it. Any further questions can be directed to me, and I'll try and answer 'em unless the subject is a complete freak.
...
Oi. So. Figure that since people in my universe keep showing up like flies to a corpse, I figure that I oughta tell you all about the Espada, since considering that bastard Ichimaru's here... tch. Let's just say that some of these bastards are worse than me, and leave it at that.
So. The Espada. Elite Arrancar fighting force, yeah? Full of complete bastards, too. They're pretty much the strongest Arrancar in Hueco Mundo, and they're ranked in order of power, with Primera being most powerful and Diez being least powerful. If they show up here and get their chips out, they will fuck everyone's shit up. I'm not fucking kidding. The Shinigami could probably handle a few of them, but... shit.
As a bonus, I'll tell you about our fearless goddamn leaders, as they're even worse as far as sheer bastardry goes.
Right. Diez is Yammy. He's pretty easy to recognize: huge as fuck, got a mask like a jaw on his chin, a ponytail, orange crescent-shaped tattoos on his cheekbones, and he's got... horns, I guess? Whatever the fuck. He's a big idiot, but he's... powerful enough, I guess. The weakest of the Espada? Sure. But compared to your average human... yeah, he'll fuck you up. To give you an idea of things, his specialty allows him to suck out the souls of regular people and eat 'em.
Novena Espada is Arroenero. He looks like a tall masked guy in a coat that's... ruffles. Yeah, I don't know how the fuck to describe it, other than goddamn ruffles. He's technically from the weakest class, but he has the ability to absorb the powers of other Hollows, so he got... pretty fuckin' strong, I guess. He can impersonate this one Shinigami in the dark, but if he gets in the light he's... two skull-things floating in a test tube, what the hell, and... shit, you don't even want to know his released form. One word: Tentacles.
Octava Espada is Szayel-Aporro, a.k.a. THAT FUCKING FREAK. He's really goddamn thin and has pink hair and glasses. Yeah, that kind. I... can't really say what exactly he does, but I know it's freaky as hell.
Septima is Zomari. He's pretty much our only contribution to ethnic diversity and he has horns on his head. He turns into a pumpkin. Yeah. Of course, he can take over your body parts, too, so... yeah. I'm not actually sure if he actually has a personality or not.
Sexta is yours truly. At full power, I could take out all of the above with no problem. The bottom five are a bit tricky, though; maybe I could take out Quinta, if I was lucky and if I wasn't tired or anything.
Quinta? Quinta is Nnoitra. Women, just... stay the hell away from him. He's got greasy hair, an eyepatch that covers a hole in his head, and really bad teeth. HUECO MUNDO HAS A REALLY SHITTY DENTAL PROGRAM. He also has no concept of consent. He can... grow extra arms, I guess. And he'll shank you when you're trying to have a goddamn fight. Fucking bastard.
Quarta is Ulquiorra. He's real goddamn pale and has big green eyes with emo makeup. I hate him. If he shows up here I'm going to kill him.
...Primera, Segunda, and Tercera? They'll kill you if you run into 'em. No point in going into them.
WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR FEARLESS GODDAMN LEADERS:
Tousen is some blind guy who really likes justice, except I don't think that word means what he thinks it means. Bastard cut my arm off for no reason once. Well, okay, there was a little bit of a reason, but seriously.
Gin's here. He's a bastard who'll pretend to be all friendly yeah but look at that smile. That is not the smile of a friendly person. That is the smile of a convicted sex offender. Kids, if he offers you candy, don't get into his van.
Which brings us to the biggest bastard of 'em all: Aizen Sousuke. He's got brown hair that he must dump a gallon of Crisco in every morning to get it to stay back like that. And there's that godawful fucking bang. And that smug-ass smile he always. Fucking hell I hate that bastard.
So, yeah, there you have it. Any further questions can be directed to me, and I'll try and answer 'em unless the subject is a complete freak.