(no subject)
Wishing Stars
d/b
au
Disclaimer: This is fiction. One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six
“You wanted to see Justin’s file.”
Billy straightened his tie and steeled himself. The head doctor was a good man but Billy knew he wasn’t happy, and he had good reason.
“Yes.”
Dr. Astin dropped the file onto his desk and sat behind it. He folded his hands and leaned forward.
“Perhaps you think the protocol for removing a patient from hospital grounds is in here? Or maybe your boundaries, Dr Boyd?”
“I know I stepped over a line. I’m sorry if it caused the hospital grief.”
“But?”
“But I’d do it again. The situation demanded it. He needed to be away, needed someplace that felt like a home.”
Astin sighed. “How is he?”
“Okay, damaged, but not broken.”
“Bill, I should make you take time off, move you to another ward for awhile.”
“They’re just starting to trust me.”
“Which is why I won’t do it. You need to be careful though, for all our sakes.”
“I will. I…”
“This is where you promise not to let it happen again.”
Billy was silent.
“Wonderful,” Astin lit a cigarette and hacked. He opened the file. “What do you want to know?”
“Anything that could help him. He doesn’t talk much. I don’t know much more than his name.”
“Justin Perez, nine-years-old last March, grew up on Rhodes. His parents are Carmen and Jonathan Perez. Father died in battle around Eros, mother was killed when they took the children. Mother born…”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“They were a military family.”
“Yes?”
“Moved around a lot. His mother’s from Puerto Rico.”
“What!”
“It gets better, Doctor. Charlotte and Justin were born in Glasgow. He’s from your home town.”
~*~
The transport was captured fleeing from Eros. Everyone was yelling and the alarms were going off. Justin slid into Charlotte’s bed and hugged his bear while she hugged him. There was a long silence when the alarms shut down. He could hear Mrs. Walsh crying in the hall. His mother came in and told them to get dressed, to hurry.
They all went down to the main deck, which was big and open. Everyone was there, but it wasn’t like a party. The soldiers walked in. They were wearing their uniforms but their guns were missing. Only the bad guys had guns. Justin saw his dad, lined up with all the other dads on the far wall. The bad guys fired their guns.
Justin closed his eyes and blocked his ears. His mother was squeezing him too tight. She was holding his head to her shoulder. He couldn’t see. Everyone was screaming now and he wretched his head out of her grip. Someone had thrown red paint at the wall and all the dads where lying down. They were all lying down dead.
~*~
Justin was afraid of the dogs at first. Dom wasn’t home so Billy locked Joey in the bedroom and introduced him to Molly.
“She’s going to have some babies soon. See her belly?”
“She’s a mom?”
“She’s Joey’s mum. Joey won’t hurt you but he’s still just a pup, gets excited to meet new people.”
Justin put his head on Molly’s belly and she licked his cheek.
“Is she a dog?”
“Yes, how do you know about dogs?”
“I had a story book once.”
Billy put him to bed in the spare room. He had sat next to him on the bed for far too long, watching him sleep. At midnight he called and left a message for Dr. Astin, requesting to see Justin’s file. Dom hadn’t come home. Billy went out on the porch and looked at the stars.
Somewhere a battle was raging. Dom was strategizing, giving orders, saving lives. To the right of the yellow moon Nola was glowing. Billy smiled in the direction of Elijah and Bernard and all the plants left in their care. In the west, the daffodil constellation winked at him. Billy made a wish.
~*~
Justin couldn’t stay with Billy. Even if it had been allowed, neither he nor Dom were home enough to take care of a small boy. Billy felt guilty about leaving the dogs alone so much, never mind a needy child.
So, Justin returned to his bed at the hospital though Billy promised to come see him every day and bring the dogs to visit.
Bean stopped by to check in frequently. The school was ready for habitation and a small staff had been hired.
“We thought we’d have a celebration. General Mortensen will be at the base next week. Do you think the children would like a celebration?”
“I don’t know. Nothing loud, no guns, no sudden surprises. They’re fragile, Bean, and I don’t know everything they’ve been through.”
“A quiet affair, a picnic. I want them to feel safe there.”
“I know you do. I can’t thank you enough for all your help. And I haven’t forgotten your meeting with Dom. It’s just that I can barely get a meeting with him these days.”
“The war is not going well.”
“There’ve been heavy losses.” Even the press wasn’t trying to fool anyone anymore by sounding upbeat. Bean put a hand on Billy’s shoulder.
“All the more reason to celebrate good things.”
~*~
“Are you coming too?”
“I’ll drive out with you but I have to stay here so I can work.”
“I’ll stay with you.”
“You need to go to school, Justin. You don’t want to live in the hospital. Hospitals are for sick people.”
Justin coughed. Billy smiled at him and ran his hand over the boy’s closely cropped hair.
“You silly. You’ll love it there. You’ll see.”
“Will you come every day?”
“Not every day, it’s too far, but I’ll come as often as I can. I’ll miss you.”
Justin nodded and climbed under his covers. He wouldn’t look at Billy again.
~*~
The phone rang during dinner.
“Billy? It’s Astin. I’ve got some bad news.”
Billy’s heart started to race. “Justin?”
“Apparently he wants to stay in the hospital where sick people live.”
“What did he do?”
“Cut his arm open. He’s being stitched up now.”
Billy rang off. He wanted to race out of the house and down to the hospital, but he was suddenly very weary.
“Bill? Is Justin okay?”
“He will be, Dom. He’s like glass, like butterfly wings really. I feel that every time I touch him I damage him in some way.”
Dom came over and wrapped his arms around Billy. Billy closed his eyes and sank into the embrace. It’d been too long since he and Dom were close.
“Love you, Bill. You’re the best thing that’s happened to that boy in a long time.”
Billy smiled and pulled back a little to look up at Dom’s face. There were dark circles under his eyes and he needed to shave but it was still the face he loved best of all. He kissed it and Dom responded with the heat and passion and tenderness that Billy had almost forgotten.
“I suppose you have to go to the hospital?”
Billy nodded.
“Do me a favor and finish your dinner first? I won’t have you walking about half-starved.”
Billy kissed Dom once more. “We’ll make time for each other soon? No phones, no war, no…”
“Just blow-jobs and fucking,” Dom agreed. “Do you want me to come to the hospital with you?”
Billy wanted to say yes. Dom hadn’t met Justin yet and it would be great to have his support but the circles under Dom’s eyes stopped him.
“No, you need your sleep. Are you sure you’ve been getting enough sleep at the base?”
Dom looked away. “The war will let up soon,” was all he said.
Billy was too distracted to realize that Dom didn’t answer his question.
~*~
The majority of the children moved out of the hospital on a Sunday at the start of summer. Justin went along for the celebration but he’d be living at the hospital for the foreseeable future. General Mortensen had sent over baskets of new clothes for them and they looked like any ordinary party of children going for a holiday to the seaside. Miranda and Billy took the day off from their hospital duties to accompany them. Billy even got Dom to put aside work for a day and come along.
In the unforgiving light of day Billy could see what the darkness of their shared bed and the yellow lamp-light at the dinner table had kept from him. Dom was sick. His skin was deathly pale. His eyes were blood-shot and the dark circles under them looked like bruises. His hands shook.
“I’m not letting you go to work tomorrow so you might want to call in now,” Billy whispered as soon as they were seated in the back of the bus.
Dom held his face up to the fresh air blowing in through the window. “I have to go, Bill.”
“You’re killing yourself. I won’t have it.”
“Let’s not do this now. Enjoy the day. You’ve worked so hard for this day.”
Billy let his head drop back against the seat in frustration. “You should try to sleep. The ride will take nearly an hour.”
“Yes, I’ll just ignore the screaming children and snuggle up.”
“Don’t blame the children. You’re louder than they are.” This was true. The children were being unnervingly quiet again, making it necessary for Billy to whisper so he wouldn’t be heard over the sound of the engine.
“Hold my hand,” Dom said. He slipped his sunglasses over his eyes and was quiet. Billy couldn’t tell if he slept or not.
~*~
“Is that a cat?”
Bean looked down at the small animal warming itself on the stone steps.
“Yes.”
“How did you get cats?”
“They’re native.”
“No, they’re not. Cats are from Earth.”
“No, our ancient people used to worship cats.”
“So did ours.”
“They run wild every where around here now.”
“What’s the native word for cat?”
“Kadis.”
“Oh, come on, that’s just Nubian for cat.”
Bean looked puzzled. Billy went and lifted the cat from its perch. In true cat fashion it looked extremely affronted. It hissed and wiggled its way out of Billy’s hold, landing on its feet before sprinting away.
“Yep, that’s a cat.” Billy couldn’t wait to tell Dom.
~*~
The school buildings were laid out around a lush, green quad. Through the trees at the east end Dom could see the blue waters of the gulf. Gulls screamed and wheeled over head and a briny tang floated on the breeze. He sat in the shade and tried to get his shaking under control. He was having trouble walking.
He could see Billy across the lawn, wearing a ridiculous sun hat and holding Justin’s hand. The clock in the bell tower announced that it was noon. A man in a uniform broke away from the crowd and headed in Dom’s direction. If his legs weren’t shaking so badly Dom thought he might have made a run for it.
“Monaghan.”
Dom should have stood up, saluted, shaken the man’s hand at least. He couldn’t.
“General Mortensen, forgive me, too much sun.” He tried not to pant after he spoke. He hoped this wouldn’t be a long conversation. The General sat next him and looked out across the quad.
“You look unwell.”
“It will pass.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you over the years, Dom. You’ve done a lot of good for a lot of people.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Do some good for yourself. Take a leave of absence, get yourself together.”
“Sir! I can’t! You know how…” Dom coughed and couldn’t get his breath back.
“I expect you to do it within the next 48 hours. I’ll arrange for it to stay quiet. If I don’t have your leave request I’m removing you from duty.” Mortensen took a breath and added, “They have a good treatment program at the hospital.”
Dom closed his eyes and slumped in his seat. “How did you know? Who told you?”
“No one needed to tell me, Monaghan. Look at yourself. You’re a mess.”
Dom felt hot tears start in his eyes and was thankful for his sunglasses.
“I suppose you look like I did-once upon a time,” the General said softly.
“Sir?”
Mortensen clapped his hand over Dom’s knee. “Forty-eight hours, Monaghan.”
He walked away.
Dom sat blinking away his tears. He felt a headache coming on. How was he going to keep this from Billy?
~*~
“Dom? You want some cake?”
Dom lifted a hand to wave the offer away, or tried to. He felt see-through, fluttery.
“Dom?” Billy took Dom’s sunglasses off his nose and peered closely at him. “Jesus! We’re leaving. Justin, go tell Miranda we need to leave now. Tell her Dom’s sick.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t want to spoil.”
“Dom, I think it’s time for you to start being a little selfish. The only thing you can afford to think about is getting well.”
~*~
Billy put Justin in the front seat next to Miranda and sat in the back with Dom’s head in his lap.
“Is he going to die?”
“No, sweetheart, Dom’s just sick.”
“My mom will take care of him if he dies.”
“Justin, how high can you count?” Miranda interrupted. Billy smoothed Dom’s hair back from his face and willed the car to move faster. He knew what was coming next for Dom and he wanted him safely at home before it happened. Miranda knew too, and she kept the car speeding along while simultaneously teaching Justin how to multiply. Billy couldn’t have been more grateful.
~*~
“I’ll be back after I drop Justin at the hospital,” Miranda said.
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“That’s why I offered. So you wouldn’t have to ask. I’m coming back. Shall I pick up some dinner?”
“That’d be lovely.”
Billy half-carried Dom into the house. He was trembling hard now and sweating. Billy put him on the couch.
“Nice cool wash-cloth? Won’t that feel good, Dom? We’ll get your pajamas on. Get you all comfy. It’s going to be a bit of a rough night I’m afraid. I can’t wait until you’re better.”
Billy left to fill a basin with cool water and grab Dom’s favorite pajamas. He brought everything back to the living room and sponged Dom down before helping him into his night clothes and planting a kiss on his forehead.
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. I just wish you had told me. I could have helped, Dom.”
“Didn’t want you to go away.” Billy could see the tremendous effort it was taking for Dom to keep talking. He drew him close.
“Don’t you know that’s never going to happen?”
~*~
Billy had hoped the terrors would show up later rather than sooner but Dom had his first before Miranda even got back. He screamed and thrashed on the couch, terrified of unseen menaces. It took all Billy’s strength to hold him down. The episode was short-lived but left Billy shaking. He wondered if he was wise to do this in the privacy of their home instead of at the hospital.
Miranda brought two steaming cups of coffee, a bag of food, and a bag of medical supplies.
“I have med supplies here, Miranda.”
“I wasn’t sure if you had restraints. Actually, I didn’t want to know or ask if you kept restraints in your home so I brought some hospital ones. Less awkward that way.”
“Oh. Yes, good idea.”
“Where is he?”
“I put him to bed. He’s already had an episode.”
Miranda took a gulp of her coffee and grabbed the med bag. “Show me the way.”
~*~
They sat on either side of the bed, Dom strapped down between them. Dom’s bouts of terror became more frequent as the hours passed. Billy massaged Dom’s ankles and wrists where he pulled against his restraints, made him sip water when he was calm enough, and kept up a running monologue of comfort.
By eleven o’clock Dom had screamed himself hoarse and had sweat through two sets of pajamas. His wrists and ankles were bleeding from his struggles. At first Billy was afraid that Dom, in his terror, would pull right out of the restraints. Other patients at the hospital had done so, but Dom had lost so much weight, so much strength, over the past months. As the night wore on his strength ebbed and he didn’t pull as hard anymore.
“He should sleep for a while now.” Miranda said around three o’clock.
Billy nodded. He rose and kissed her cheek as she grabbed her jacket. “I’ve got to check on the children in the morning, otherwise I’d stay.”
“You’ve been an angel. Really. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.”
“I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“He’ll sleep. Like you said. I’ll leave him restrained.” Billy shrugged. “He’s pretty worn out now. I should be able to control him.”
She touched his cheek. “You try to get some sleep too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
After she left Billy put the kettle on, then he thought better of it and turned it off. The caffeine was making him jittery. He turned the lights off in the living room and sat in the dark, silently berating himself. He should have looked after Dom better. He should have noticed he was ill long before this. He should have…Sod it. None of that would do any good now.
He wished he could take a shower. He had sweated almost as much as Dom had during the night, what with the exertion of controlling him and his worry. He didn’t dare leave Dom unattended though. He would go lie down. Even if he slept he’d be able to hear if Dom woke. He had made up his mind to do this when someone knocked softly on the front door.
~*~
It was Mortensen.
“General! Is everything alright?”
Billy wanted to scream at him to go away. Dom didn’t have anything left to give. Not now. Maybe not ever again. They couldn’t ask anything from him. He’d given enough.
“Miranda called me.”
“She…what?”
“We’re old friends. I told Dom this afternoon that he had to take a leave of absence. For his health. I only hope it wasn’t too little too late. I came to help if I can.”
“Oh.” Billy realized they were still standing in the doorway and he moved back to let Mortensen pass.
“May I see him?”
“He’s sleeping but…if you’re quiet.”
A small lamp shone in the corner of the bedroom. Dom lay pale against the sheets. His pajamas were old ones of Billy’s. They were too short for him. He looked like a defeated child laid out on the bed, vulnerable and abused.
“Is this how they’ll win? Will they just break us one by one?” Billy whispered but his voice seemed loud in the quiet room.
“No, we’ll keep each other whole.”
“There’s so many broken. It’s like throwing sand to stop the tide.”
“Those children will be happy again, Dr. Boyd. You had a hand in that. So did Dom. Did he tell you he led the mission that rescued their ship?”
“No.”
“Must have slipped his mind. He did so many things like that every day.”
“How do you know him?”
“I knew him in training camp. I was teaching classes. Throwing sand at the tide. Teachers aren’t supposed to have favorites, neither are generals. But…there are ones that will tug at your heart strings.”
Billy nodded. He knew only too well.
“This one. It broke my heart to promote him. He always cared too much. I knew his responsibilities would rest hard on him. He was so very young, too young for a war.”
“We’re all too young for war.”
“True.” Mortensen took Dom’s hand in his own, ran his thumb gently over his bandaged wrist. “May I sit with him for a while? You could sleep or…”
“I’d be grateful, General. I’d like a shower.”
“Go on. I’ll look after him.” Billy turned to go. “Doctor? Would you mind calling me Viggo while we’re not amongst company? No one calls me by my name anymore. I rather miss it.”
“Only if you’ll call me Billy, Viggo.”
d/b
au
Disclaimer: This is fiction. One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six
“You wanted to see Justin’s file.”
Billy straightened his tie and steeled himself. The head doctor was a good man but Billy knew he wasn’t happy, and he had good reason.
“Yes.”
Dr. Astin dropped the file onto his desk and sat behind it. He folded his hands and leaned forward.
“Perhaps you think the protocol for removing a patient from hospital grounds is in here? Or maybe your boundaries, Dr Boyd?”
“I know I stepped over a line. I’m sorry if it caused the hospital grief.”
“But?”
“But I’d do it again. The situation demanded it. He needed to be away, needed someplace that felt like a home.”
Astin sighed. “How is he?”
“Okay, damaged, but not broken.”
“Bill, I should make you take time off, move you to another ward for awhile.”
“They’re just starting to trust me.”
“Which is why I won’t do it. You need to be careful though, for all our sakes.”
“I will. I…”
“This is where you promise not to let it happen again.”
Billy was silent.
“Wonderful,” Astin lit a cigarette and hacked. He opened the file. “What do you want to know?”
“Anything that could help him. He doesn’t talk much. I don’t know much more than his name.”
“Justin Perez, nine-years-old last March, grew up on Rhodes. His parents are Carmen and Jonathan Perez. Father died in battle around Eros, mother was killed when they took the children. Mother born…”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“They were a military family.”
“Yes?”
“Moved around a lot. His mother’s from Puerto Rico.”
“What!”
“It gets better, Doctor. Charlotte and Justin were born in Glasgow. He’s from your home town.”
~*~
The transport was captured fleeing from Eros. Everyone was yelling and the alarms were going off. Justin slid into Charlotte’s bed and hugged his bear while she hugged him. There was a long silence when the alarms shut down. He could hear Mrs. Walsh crying in the hall. His mother came in and told them to get dressed, to hurry.
They all went down to the main deck, which was big and open. Everyone was there, but it wasn’t like a party. The soldiers walked in. They were wearing their uniforms but their guns were missing. Only the bad guys had guns. Justin saw his dad, lined up with all the other dads on the far wall. The bad guys fired their guns.
Justin closed his eyes and blocked his ears. His mother was squeezing him too tight. She was holding his head to her shoulder. He couldn’t see. Everyone was screaming now and he wretched his head out of her grip. Someone had thrown red paint at the wall and all the dads where lying down. They were all lying down dead.
~*~
Justin was afraid of the dogs at first. Dom wasn’t home so Billy locked Joey in the bedroom and introduced him to Molly.
“She’s going to have some babies soon. See her belly?”
“She’s a mom?”
“She’s Joey’s mum. Joey won’t hurt you but he’s still just a pup, gets excited to meet new people.”
Justin put his head on Molly’s belly and she licked his cheek.
“Is she a dog?”
“Yes, how do you know about dogs?”
“I had a story book once.”
Billy put him to bed in the spare room. He had sat next to him on the bed for far too long, watching him sleep. At midnight he called and left a message for Dr. Astin, requesting to see Justin’s file. Dom hadn’t come home. Billy went out on the porch and looked at the stars.
Somewhere a battle was raging. Dom was strategizing, giving orders, saving lives. To the right of the yellow moon Nola was glowing. Billy smiled in the direction of Elijah and Bernard and all the plants left in their care. In the west, the daffodil constellation winked at him. Billy made a wish.
~*~
Justin couldn’t stay with Billy. Even if it had been allowed, neither he nor Dom were home enough to take care of a small boy. Billy felt guilty about leaving the dogs alone so much, never mind a needy child.
So, Justin returned to his bed at the hospital though Billy promised to come see him every day and bring the dogs to visit.
Bean stopped by to check in frequently. The school was ready for habitation and a small staff had been hired.
“We thought we’d have a celebration. General Mortensen will be at the base next week. Do you think the children would like a celebration?”
“I don’t know. Nothing loud, no guns, no sudden surprises. They’re fragile, Bean, and I don’t know everything they’ve been through.”
“A quiet affair, a picnic. I want them to feel safe there.”
“I know you do. I can’t thank you enough for all your help. And I haven’t forgotten your meeting with Dom. It’s just that I can barely get a meeting with him these days.”
“The war is not going well.”
“There’ve been heavy losses.” Even the press wasn’t trying to fool anyone anymore by sounding upbeat. Bean put a hand on Billy’s shoulder.
“All the more reason to celebrate good things.”
~*~
“Are you coming too?”
“I’ll drive out with you but I have to stay here so I can work.”
“I’ll stay with you.”
“You need to go to school, Justin. You don’t want to live in the hospital. Hospitals are for sick people.”
Justin coughed. Billy smiled at him and ran his hand over the boy’s closely cropped hair.
“You silly. You’ll love it there. You’ll see.”
“Will you come every day?”
“Not every day, it’s too far, but I’ll come as often as I can. I’ll miss you.”
Justin nodded and climbed under his covers. He wouldn’t look at Billy again.
~*~
The phone rang during dinner.
“Billy? It’s Astin. I’ve got some bad news.”
Billy’s heart started to race. “Justin?”
“Apparently he wants to stay in the hospital where sick people live.”
“What did he do?”
“Cut his arm open. He’s being stitched up now.”
Billy rang off. He wanted to race out of the house and down to the hospital, but he was suddenly very weary.
“Bill? Is Justin okay?”
“He will be, Dom. He’s like glass, like butterfly wings really. I feel that every time I touch him I damage him in some way.”
Dom came over and wrapped his arms around Billy. Billy closed his eyes and sank into the embrace. It’d been too long since he and Dom were close.
“Love you, Bill. You’re the best thing that’s happened to that boy in a long time.”
Billy smiled and pulled back a little to look up at Dom’s face. There were dark circles under his eyes and he needed to shave but it was still the face he loved best of all. He kissed it and Dom responded with the heat and passion and tenderness that Billy had almost forgotten.
“I suppose you have to go to the hospital?”
Billy nodded.
“Do me a favor and finish your dinner first? I won’t have you walking about half-starved.”
Billy kissed Dom once more. “We’ll make time for each other soon? No phones, no war, no…”
“Just blow-jobs and fucking,” Dom agreed. “Do you want me to come to the hospital with you?”
Billy wanted to say yes. Dom hadn’t met Justin yet and it would be great to have his support but the circles under Dom’s eyes stopped him.
“No, you need your sleep. Are you sure you’ve been getting enough sleep at the base?”
Dom looked away. “The war will let up soon,” was all he said.
Billy was too distracted to realize that Dom didn’t answer his question.
~*~
The majority of the children moved out of the hospital on a Sunday at the start of summer. Justin went along for the celebration but he’d be living at the hospital for the foreseeable future. General Mortensen had sent over baskets of new clothes for them and they looked like any ordinary party of children going for a holiday to the seaside. Miranda and Billy took the day off from their hospital duties to accompany them. Billy even got Dom to put aside work for a day and come along.
In the unforgiving light of day Billy could see what the darkness of their shared bed and the yellow lamp-light at the dinner table had kept from him. Dom was sick. His skin was deathly pale. His eyes were blood-shot and the dark circles under them looked like bruises. His hands shook.
“I’m not letting you go to work tomorrow so you might want to call in now,” Billy whispered as soon as they were seated in the back of the bus.
Dom held his face up to the fresh air blowing in through the window. “I have to go, Bill.”
“You’re killing yourself. I won’t have it.”
“Let’s not do this now. Enjoy the day. You’ve worked so hard for this day.”
Billy let his head drop back against the seat in frustration. “You should try to sleep. The ride will take nearly an hour.”
“Yes, I’ll just ignore the screaming children and snuggle up.”
“Don’t blame the children. You’re louder than they are.” This was true. The children were being unnervingly quiet again, making it necessary for Billy to whisper so he wouldn’t be heard over the sound of the engine.
“Hold my hand,” Dom said. He slipped his sunglasses over his eyes and was quiet. Billy couldn’t tell if he slept or not.
~*~
“Is that a cat?”
Bean looked down at the small animal warming itself on the stone steps.
“Yes.”
“How did you get cats?”
“They’re native.”
“No, they’re not. Cats are from Earth.”
“No, our ancient people used to worship cats.”
“So did ours.”
“They run wild every where around here now.”
“What’s the native word for cat?”
“Kadis.”
“Oh, come on, that’s just Nubian for cat.”
Bean looked puzzled. Billy went and lifted the cat from its perch. In true cat fashion it looked extremely affronted. It hissed and wiggled its way out of Billy’s hold, landing on its feet before sprinting away.
“Yep, that’s a cat.” Billy couldn’t wait to tell Dom.
~*~
The school buildings were laid out around a lush, green quad. Through the trees at the east end Dom could see the blue waters of the gulf. Gulls screamed and wheeled over head and a briny tang floated on the breeze. He sat in the shade and tried to get his shaking under control. He was having trouble walking.
He could see Billy across the lawn, wearing a ridiculous sun hat and holding Justin’s hand. The clock in the bell tower announced that it was noon. A man in a uniform broke away from the crowd and headed in Dom’s direction. If his legs weren’t shaking so badly Dom thought he might have made a run for it.
“Monaghan.”
Dom should have stood up, saluted, shaken the man’s hand at least. He couldn’t.
“General Mortensen, forgive me, too much sun.” He tried not to pant after he spoke. He hoped this wouldn’t be a long conversation. The General sat next him and looked out across the quad.
“You look unwell.”
“It will pass.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you over the years, Dom. You’ve done a lot of good for a lot of people.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Do some good for yourself. Take a leave of absence, get yourself together.”
“Sir! I can’t! You know how…” Dom coughed and couldn’t get his breath back.
“I expect you to do it within the next 48 hours. I’ll arrange for it to stay quiet. If I don’t have your leave request I’m removing you from duty.” Mortensen took a breath and added, “They have a good treatment program at the hospital.”
Dom closed his eyes and slumped in his seat. “How did you know? Who told you?”
“No one needed to tell me, Monaghan. Look at yourself. You’re a mess.”
Dom felt hot tears start in his eyes and was thankful for his sunglasses.
“I suppose you look like I did-once upon a time,” the General said softly.
“Sir?”
Mortensen clapped his hand over Dom’s knee. “Forty-eight hours, Monaghan.”
He walked away.
Dom sat blinking away his tears. He felt a headache coming on. How was he going to keep this from Billy?
~*~
“Dom? You want some cake?”
Dom lifted a hand to wave the offer away, or tried to. He felt see-through, fluttery.
“Dom?” Billy took Dom’s sunglasses off his nose and peered closely at him. “Jesus! We’re leaving. Justin, go tell Miranda we need to leave now. Tell her Dom’s sick.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t want to spoil.”
“Dom, I think it’s time for you to start being a little selfish. The only thing you can afford to think about is getting well.”
~*~
Billy put Justin in the front seat next to Miranda and sat in the back with Dom’s head in his lap.
“Is he going to die?”
“No, sweetheart, Dom’s just sick.”
“My mom will take care of him if he dies.”
“Justin, how high can you count?” Miranda interrupted. Billy smoothed Dom’s hair back from his face and willed the car to move faster. He knew what was coming next for Dom and he wanted him safely at home before it happened. Miranda knew too, and she kept the car speeding along while simultaneously teaching Justin how to multiply. Billy couldn’t have been more grateful.
~*~
“I’ll be back after I drop Justin at the hospital,” Miranda said.
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“That’s why I offered. So you wouldn’t have to ask. I’m coming back. Shall I pick up some dinner?”
“That’d be lovely.”
Billy half-carried Dom into the house. He was trembling hard now and sweating. Billy put him on the couch.
“Nice cool wash-cloth? Won’t that feel good, Dom? We’ll get your pajamas on. Get you all comfy. It’s going to be a bit of a rough night I’m afraid. I can’t wait until you’re better.”
Billy left to fill a basin with cool water and grab Dom’s favorite pajamas. He brought everything back to the living room and sponged Dom down before helping him into his night clothes and planting a kiss on his forehead.
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. I just wish you had told me. I could have helped, Dom.”
“Didn’t want you to go away.” Billy could see the tremendous effort it was taking for Dom to keep talking. He drew him close.
“Don’t you know that’s never going to happen?”
~*~
Billy had hoped the terrors would show up later rather than sooner but Dom had his first before Miranda even got back. He screamed and thrashed on the couch, terrified of unseen menaces. It took all Billy’s strength to hold him down. The episode was short-lived but left Billy shaking. He wondered if he was wise to do this in the privacy of their home instead of at the hospital.
Miranda brought two steaming cups of coffee, a bag of food, and a bag of medical supplies.
“I have med supplies here, Miranda.”
“I wasn’t sure if you had restraints. Actually, I didn’t want to know or ask if you kept restraints in your home so I brought some hospital ones. Less awkward that way.”
“Oh. Yes, good idea.”
“Where is he?”
“I put him to bed. He’s already had an episode.”
Miranda took a gulp of her coffee and grabbed the med bag. “Show me the way.”
~*~
They sat on either side of the bed, Dom strapped down between them. Dom’s bouts of terror became more frequent as the hours passed. Billy massaged Dom’s ankles and wrists where he pulled against his restraints, made him sip water when he was calm enough, and kept up a running monologue of comfort.
By eleven o’clock Dom had screamed himself hoarse and had sweat through two sets of pajamas. His wrists and ankles were bleeding from his struggles. At first Billy was afraid that Dom, in his terror, would pull right out of the restraints. Other patients at the hospital had done so, but Dom had lost so much weight, so much strength, over the past months. As the night wore on his strength ebbed and he didn’t pull as hard anymore.
“He should sleep for a while now.” Miranda said around three o’clock.
Billy nodded. He rose and kissed her cheek as she grabbed her jacket. “I’ve got to check on the children in the morning, otherwise I’d stay.”
“You’ve been an angel. Really. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.”
“I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“He’ll sleep. Like you said. I’ll leave him restrained.” Billy shrugged. “He’s pretty worn out now. I should be able to control him.”
She touched his cheek. “You try to get some sleep too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
After she left Billy put the kettle on, then he thought better of it and turned it off. The caffeine was making him jittery. He turned the lights off in the living room and sat in the dark, silently berating himself. He should have looked after Dom better. He should have noticed he was ill long before this. He should have…Sod it. None of that would do any good now.
He wished he could take a shower. He had sweated almost as much as Dom had during the night, what with the exertion of controlling him and his worry. He didn’t dare leave Dom unattended though. He would go lie down. Even if he slept he’d be able to hear if Dom woke. He had made up his mind to do this when someone knocked softly on the front door.
~*~
It was Mortensen.
“General! Is everything alright?”
Billy wanted to scream at him to go away. Dom didn’t have anything left to give. Not now. Maybe not ever again. They couldn’t ask anything from him. He’d given enough.
“Miranda called me.”
“She…what?”
“We’re old friends. I told Dom this afternoon that he had to take a leave of absence. For his health. I only hope it wasn’t too little too late. I came to help if I can.”
“Oh.” Billy realized they were still standing in the doorway and he moved back to let Mortensen pass.
“May I see him?”
“He’s sleeping but…if you’re quiet.”
A small lamp shone in the corner of the bedroom. Dom lay pale against the sheets. His pajamas were old ones of Billy’s. They were too short for him. He looked like a defeated child laid out on the bed, vulnerable and abused.
“Is this how they’ll win? Will they just break us one by one?” Billy whispered but his voice seemed loud in the quiet room.
“No, we’ll keep each other whole.”
“There’s so many broken. It’s like throwing sand to stop the tide.”
“Those children will be happy again, Dr. Boyd. You had a hand in that. So did Dom. Did he tell you he led the mission that rescued their ship?”
“No.”
“Must have slipped his mind. He did so many things like that every day.”
“How do you know him?”
“I knew him in training camp. I was teaching classes. Throwing sand at the tide. Teachers aren’t supposed to have favorites, neither are generals. But…there are ones that will tug at your heart strings.”
Billy nodded. He knew only too well.
“This one. It broke my heart to promote him. He always cared too much. I knew his responsibilities would rest hard on him. He was so very young, too young for a war.”
“We’re all too young for war.”
“True.” Mortensen took Dom’s hand in his own, ran his thumb gently over his bandaged wrist. “May I sit with him for a while? You could sleep or…”
“I’d be grateful, General. I’d like a shower.”
“Go on. I’ll look after him.” Billy turned to go. “Doctor? Would you mind calling me Viggo while we’re not amongst company? No one calls me by my name anymore. I rather miss it.”
“Only if you’ll call me Billy, Viggo.”