Summertime blues and greys
About two more weeks of freedom..and yet it'll be hell. I get to go to everything, the final fittings for everyone, to the actual place we're getting married at, where the reception is, check the final decorations. I never wanted this. Ever. I think it's time for a vacation on my own, disappear for a few days, keep dear Mum and Dad on their toes trying to find me.
[Private]
Then there's the whole, thing, that happened at Walden's party that Viv told me about. And I know I am definitely not the only one that he's been with last year, or ever for that matter, but at the same time I cant help but feel hurt. This was the guy I loved? And why? Because he was my first? No. Because I have known him since first year, where most little boys and girls still didn't know anything about the other sex, and was goofy, playing tricks and such. And in seven years, he's found out everything in my life, and I his. He's one of the few that can tell if I'm lying or not. Or what I truely feal about something, even if I'm saying the oppoiste.
My heart has never hurt as much, not even back in the middle of 6th year when I thought my heart was broken, but this one tops it all. And he doesn't even know that I loved him and broke my heart with a swift strike, directly at it. And now I have to deal with the wedding, and he will be there, as much as I don't want him to. But everything is set, I can't say "I don't want him there." without having to explain everything, not like that would even work.
[//Private]
I want to close my eyes and pretend everything isn't happening, but I'll open them and they'll still be full of tears.
[Private]
Then there's the whole, thing, that happened at Walden's party that Viv told me about. And I know I am definitely not the only one that he's been with last year, or ever for that matter, but at the same time I cant help but feel hurt. This was the guy I loved? And why? Because he was my first? No. Because I have known him since first year, where most little boys and girls still didn't know anything about the other sex, and was goofy, playing tricks and such. And in seven years, he's found out everything in my life, and I his. He's one of the few that can tell if I'm lying or not. Or what I truely feal about something, even if I'm saying the oppoiste.
My heart has never hurt as much, not even back in the middle of 6th year when I thought my heart was broken, but this one tops it all. And he doesn't even know that I loved him and broke my heart with a swift strike, directly at it. And now I have to deal with the wedding, and he will be there, as much as I don't want him to. But everything is set, I can't say "I don't want him there." without having to explain everything, not like that would even work.
[//Private]
I want to close my eyes and pretend everything isn't happening, but I'll open them and they'll still be full of tears.