(no subject)
So I've recieved the list of things today, my dress(white, poofy, sleeveless. thank god since it's bloody summer), cape(dark green with silver stiching and embrodery), bridesmaid dresses and cape designs(no color decided yet), what the china looks like(of course there has to be serpents on it), where and when it's going to be(France, August 23), pretty much everything. And to my surprise only one girl assigned to the bridal party, one of my cousins, meaning they are allowing me to choose the rest. Thanks.
I can just picture this now. A complete mistake, neither of us are going to look truely happy. Especially since this is forced and rushed. Sure we'll fake smiles here and there, and look completely happy that this is such a "smart match" and that we're completely carefree about it. But all and all, neither of us can really stand eachother, only in simple conversations that dont last over 20 minuites.
And the fact that I have to find a bridal party, and a maid of honour. Which I really would ask Cissa to be but since she left the family and dis---not getting into that. I don't even know the how many I'm supposed to have.
There is also the numerous times I just want to shout at anyone talkign about LeStrange's fiance and give them a hint that pretty much everything they are going on about won't ever happen. But I can't. It would make this whole mistake even worse.
**Few drinks later**
And then there's everthing else going on in teh shoocl. The rumosrs of whats going to happen with LeStranges' fiance, woh's sorry for who. But the worst wasthe one said to my face without her evenkoing who shewas sayting it to. "She''ll be in deee[p shite if she tries anthing against him" Becuase he's such a person to watchout for that he;ll have me underhis tuhumb
And what was said abotwalden and me...ugh, i dontevne want ot get into that one. I am treuly goingto miss him eventhough i;m not actually notgoing to seehuim beinga knidght. Buthe factthat i ame to drop anyfeelginss ihad THAT isgoign to eb thehardest thign
**Few hours later after sobering up**
It takes me being drunk and an engagement to realize some of the most importatnt things in my life and what I have to do and face because of something that is forced upon me. Why?
And, to sink in it, should you burden love;
Too great oppression for a tender thing.
Is love a tender thing? it is too rough,
Too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.
If love be rough with you, be rough with love;
Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.
And yet such simple advice, it gets fucked up in the end. Go with it or against, doesnt go the way you want it to
What the hell am I doing, sitting here, complaining and pondering on what if's and false ideas. If I'm expected to be wed, I'm expected to be happy. Looks like I got a lot of practice ahead of me. And complaints about details of the dresses and cloaks