Coruscant [a week later, GFFA time]
It was all over, or at least as over as it was going to get for a while. Their Fandom friends and the Jeesh returned to their separate universes after Jaina's wedding. Allana's identity was no longer a secret, Wynn Dorvan was running the galaxy, the Jedi were leaving Coruscant permanently, and Luke, well. The meddroids said that Luke would never fully recover from his attack on Abeloth. Ben tried not to think about that.
Ben was trying not to think at all.
He was clearing out the last of the stuff in his room when a hollow ache started to build inside, and then his vision narrowed and went completely black. He thought for a minute that he might be passing out--he'd certainly done enough of that recently--but there was no dizziness or nausea to suggest that the vision change was the result of a concussion. He braced a hand on the nearest wall and stood waiting for his sight to return.
Instead, stars and nebulae began to appear in the darkness, rushing toward him at extreme velocity, but with no noticeable red-shift and without spreading apart as they drew closer. He began to feel apprehensive and disoriented, as though he were traveling through a galaxy far different from the one his parents had known.
He saw Coruscant mottled by patches of flickering red flame and black banks of drifting smoke, and beyond it there was a legion of dark silhouettes rising from a shadow-cloaked world, fanning out across the galaxy to meet a much smaller force of luminous shapes.
He saw a pair of tiny disembodied eyes floating through the darkness, collecting wisps of drifting gas and specks of loose dust, in its endless patience swaddling itself in the stuff of cold matter.
And Ben saw his cousin Allana, a young girl sitting cross-legged in front of a white throne, playing with her pet nexu while a small circle of Jedi fought a desperate battle at the foot of the dais, holding off an endless onslaught of beings. There were dark silhouettes and bejeweled women and horned aliens, and every so often a gray tentacle, which would appear on the steps to the dais and attempt to slip past unnoticed before a lightsaber descended to send it skittering back into the darkness.
Ben felt a sudden, overwhelming, flash of anger. All of the pain of the last few years--the last month--and nothing had changed. The Jedi would forever fight the darkness, Abeloth would go on feinting and parrying, the Sith would peek back out from whatever rock they'd gone to ground under...it was pointless.
He glanced at the faces around Allana, looking for familiar ones, and to his surprise didn't see his father. Luke fought the darkness as easily as he breathed, and a Jedi Order without Luke Skywalker was one that, while inevitable, still took Ben's breath away. Ender had pointed out many times that the Order needed to refocus, learn to work without a Skywalker, but a vision of that as reality was both painful and a bit of a relief.
His vision gradually returned to the here and now instead of the future, and he was still feeling off-balance and angry. Why did they fight so hard and lose so much when it never changed anything?
He glanced down at his lightsaber and a thought occurred to him. He could change himself...
Ender
"Hey," Ender called quietly.
To say he'd been worried these past few days would be massively understating it, but he had kept those feelings close to himself, keeping them from Ben as best he knew how.
Ben
Ben jumped slightly. "Sorry," he said. "You surprised me."
That was hard to do the last week--Ben had been hyper-alert.
Ender
Ender pushed his way further into the room and crossed his arms. "It's okay," he said. "You looked preoccupied."
Ben
Ben reached up to massage his temple. "Yeah," he said. "Force vision. Just what I needed to cap off a truly astral trip home."
Ender
Ender stepped closer until his arm brushed against Ben's. "What did you see?" he asked quietly.
Ben
"Nothing good," Ben murmured. "Allana in front of a white throne, but surrounded by enemies. She's guarded by Jedi, but they're losing ground fast. Dad's not there."
His voice took on an edge of frustration and anger. "What was the kriffing point of any of this if we're going to lose it all in a generation!?"
Ender
"Because some of us need to push back the tide so it doesn't flood the rest of the universe," Ender said quietly. "Some of us need to keep being brilliant for our people's sakes so that they might live."
He glanced at Ben's face. "But the good news is, it doesn't need to be you."
Ben
Ben looked conflicted. "You think? Because I'd been thinking the same thing but I don't know if it's because I'm angry or just so kriffing tired--"
Ender
"Ben," Ender said quietly, "You're just another Jedi Knight here. If that's the life you want, stay. But if it's not... they'll cope. You have the freedom to choose."
Ben
Ben flopped down on his bed and raked his fingers through his hair. "I don't think the Council sees me as just another knight any more. Not after Abeloth."
Ender
"Does that matter to you?" Ender asked.
He stuck his hands in his pockets. Didn't move towards him. Yet.
Ben
"I'm feeling crushed under the weight of expectations," Ben whispered. "If I stay, how could I be of any use to them that way?"
Ender
"You could, but it could also crush you," Ender said. It was important to be honest right now. "Either way, it's a gamble. The Council's expectations don't actually determine your future."
Ben
Ben nodded, staring at the floor. "The only thing I can control is me, right?"
Ender
"Not always," Ender said.
He finally sank down onto the bed next to Ben. "But right now, there's a window."
Ben
Ben was quiet and still for a long moment, then slowly reached out for Ender's hand. "It's not being petulant and teenaged?"
Ender
"You've been thinking about this for over a year," Ender said. "You're not making the choice lightly."
He gave Ben's hand a gentle squeeze.
"You have the right to make decisions about the course of your own life," he said.
Ben
"I'm not going to revoke my commission," Ben replied after another long silence, "but I need for the Council to know why I'm leaving. Maybe this vision will help them find a better path than the one we're on."
Ender
"That seems reasonable," Ender said. He dropped his head against Ben's shoulder, trying to broadcast as much calm as he was capable of.
Ben
Ben wouldn't dream of dropping his mental shielding--Coruscant was too volatile--but he could pick up on what Ender was doing anyway. He tilted his head to kiss Ender's temple.
"Thank you for being patient, kreetle."
Ender
"You don't need to thank me," Ender replied gently. "I just want you to be happy, that's all."
Ben
"Happy's going to take a bit of work," Ben admitted. "I'll settle for at peace with my decision." He took a deep breath. "And I am. I'm with you, Ender, and this galaxy can find another member of my family to kick around for a while."
Ender
"All right," Ender said, and he gave Ben's hand one more squeeze before he let go of it. "I've got your back."
Ben
Ben's lips quirked up. "Always," he murmured. He stood up and reached for a fresh set of robes. "Wait for me here, though?"
Ender
"Sure," Ender said. He scooted further back onto the bed, then pulled his legs up towards him, watching as Ben moved around the room. "Ben?"
Ben
"Yeah?" Ben asked, shucking off his shirt and turning toward him.
Ender
"May the Force be with you," Ender said, offering him a tiny smile, "and don't let the Masters bite you."
Ben
Ben stopped what he was doing to give Ender a quick but thorough kiss.
Ender
Ender was still smiling that tiny smile when they parted. He reached out and gave Ben's shoulder a nudge to guide him on his way.
Ben
Ben wouldn't mention it out loud, but the little smile was what had him squaring his shoulders and walking like the self-assured adult he'd become.
He knew what he wanted, and a group of people he'd known since he was born weren't going to dissuade him from the path he'd chosen.
Forty-five minutes into his interview with the Council, and Ben was wishing he'd brought Ender with him. Or a chair.
The Masters (minus Jaina, who'd they'd refused to bother while she was on her honeymoon) made Ben go through his vision part by part, then dissected the meaning of each portion.
The amount of time they spent on the color of the nexu alone was pushing Ben past his already tenuous grasp on patience.
"That's not the only reason I came here," he finally said, interrupting Kyle Katarn mid-sentence and getting a warning look in reply. "I'm going with Ender to help him start a new colony in his galaxy and might not be in communication for some time."
A series of blank stares greeted that announcement. Ben looked to his father, who--as had become a bit of a habit in the last few days--was staring into space. It was that slightly pained look in his father's eyes that stopped Ben from whining out, "But my dad said I could go."
Instead he stood up taller and met each Master's gaze. "It's not the first time a Jedi has gone on an exploratory expedition to another galaxy. It's not even the first time I've gone to another galaxy."
"That was before we knew Abeloth was so interested in you," Corran pointed out quietly.
"And the vision you had certainly seemed to imply that she isn't gone completely," another added, "so perhaps you should stay closer to home."
And that was when Ben lost his temper.
"I've been stabbed," he began quietly. "I've been tortured. I've been blown up. I've lost my master, my mother, and more friends than I care to think about. I have done everything you've ever asked of me. I will not stay here to serve as bait for an unkillable deity!"
It was the wide-eyed looks, some distinctly unimpressed, that clued him in on how how loudly he'd been yelling. No one told the Council what to do, not ever, but he was in too deep to stop now.
He reached for the lightsaber on his hip, ignoring the sharp intakes of breath as he ignited it, then plunged it straight into the floor. "If Abeloth's so worried I won't come back," he said, voice trembling slightly, "point her at that."
Ben met his father's eyes one final time, then turned on his heel and stalked away in the shocked silence that followed.
[OOC: Borrowed, then modified, from Troy Denning's Apocalpyse. Preplayed with the fabulous endsthegame, and concluding our two week spam of your flist!]
Ben was trying not to think at all.
He was clearing out the last of the stuff in his room when a hollow ache started to build inside, and then his vision narrowed and went completely black. He thought for a minute that he might be passing out--he'd certainly done enough of that recently--but there was no dizziness or nausea to suggest that the vision change was the result of a concussion. He braced a hand on the nearest wall and stood waiting for his sight to return.
Instead, stars and nebulae began to appear in the darkness, rushing toward him at extreme velocity, but with no noticeable red-shift and without spreading apart as they drew closer. He began to feel apprehensive and disoriented, as though he were traveling through a galaxy far different from the one his parents had known.
He saw Coruscant mottled by patches of flickering red flame and black banks of drifting smoke, and beyond it there was a legion of dark silhouettes rising from a shadow-cloaked world, fanning out across the galaxy to meet a much smaller force of luminous shapes.
He saw a pair of tiny disembodied eyes floating through the darkness, collecting wisps of drifting gas and specks of loose dust, in its endless patience swaddling itself in the stuff of cold matter.
And Ben saw his cousin Allana, a young girl sitting cross-legged in front of a white throne, playing with her pet nexu while a small circle of Jedi fought a desperate battle at the foot of the dais, holding off an endless onslaught of beings. There were dark silhouettes and bejeweled women and horned aliens, and every so often a gray tentacle, which would appear on the steps to the dais and attempt to slip past unnoticed before a lightsaber descended to send it skittering back into the darkness.
Ben felt a sudden, overwhelming, flash of anger. All of the pain of the last few years--the last month--and nothing had changed. The Jedi would forever fight the darkness, Abeloth would go on feinting and parrying, the Sith would peek back out from whatever rock they'd gone to ground under...it was pointless.
He glanced at the faces around Allana, looking for familiar ones, and to his surprise didn't see his father. Luke fought the darkness as easily as he breathed, and a Jedi Order without Luke Skywalker was one that, while inevitable, still took Ben's breath away. Ender had pointed out many times that the Order needed to refocus, learn to work without a Skywalker, but a vision of that as reality was both painful and a bit of a relief.
His vision gradually returned to the here and now instead of the future, and he was still feeling off-balance and angry. Why did they fight so hard and lose so much when it never changed anything?
He glanced down at his lightsaber and a thought occurred to him. He could change himself...
Ender
"Hey," Ender called quietly.
To say he'd been worried these past few days would be massively understating it, but he had kept those feelings close to himself, keeping them from Ben as best he knew how.
Ben
Ben jumped slightly. "Sorry," he said. "You surprised me."
That was hard to do the last week--Ben had been hyper-alert.
Ender
Ender pushed his way further into the room and crossed his arms. "It's okay," he said. "You looked preoccupied."
Ben
Ben reached up to massage his temple. "Yeah," he said. "Force vision. Just what I needed to cap off a truly astral trip home."
Ender
Ender stepped closer until his arm brushed against Ben's. "What did you see?" he asked quietly.
Ben
"Nothing good," Ben murmured. "Allana in front of a white throne, but surrounded by enemies. She's guarded by Jedi, but they're losing ground fast. Dad's not there."
His voice took on an edge of frustration and anger. "What was the kriffing point of any of this if we're going to lose it all in a generation!?"
Ender
"Because some of us need to push back the tide so it doesn't flood the rest of the universe," Ender said quietly. "Some of us need to keep being brilliant for our people's sakes so that they might live."
He glanced at Ben's face. "But the good news is, it doesn't need to be you."
Ben
Ben looked conflicted. "You think? Because I'd been thinking the same thing but I don't know if it's because I'm angry or just so kriffing tired--"
Ender
"Ben," Ender said quietly, "You're just another Jedi Knight here. If that's the life you want, stay. But if it's not... they'll cope. You have the freedom to choose."
Ben
Ben flopped down on his bed and raked his fingers through his hair. "I don't think the Council sees me as just another knight any more. Not after Abeloth."
Ender
"Does that matter to you?" Ender asked.
He stuck his hands in his pockets. Didn't move towards him. Yet.
Ben
"I'm feeling crushed under the weight of expectations," Ben whispered. "If I stay, how could I be of any use to them that way?"
Ender
"You could, but it could also crush you," Ender said. It was important to be honest right now. "Either way, it's a gamble. The Council's expectations don't actually determine your future."
Ben
Ben nodded, staring at the floor. "The only thing I can control is me, right?"
Ender
"Not always," Ender said.
He finally sank down onto the bed next to Ben. "But right now, there's a window."
Ben
Ben was quiet and still for a long moment, then slowly reached out for Ender's hand. "It's not being petulant and teenaged?"
Ender
"You've been thinking about this for over a year," Ender said. "You're not making the choice lightly."
He gave Ben's hand a gentle squeeze.
"You have the right to make decisions about the course of your own life," he said.
Ben
"I'm not going to revoke my commission," Ben replied after another long silence, "but I need for the Council to know why I'm leaving. Maybe this vision will help them find a better path than the one we're on."
Ender
"That seems reasonable," Ender said. He dropped his head against Ben's shoulder, trying to broadcast as much calm as he was capable of.
Ben
Ben wouldn't dream of dropping his mental shielding--Coruscant was too volatile--but he could pick up on what Ender was doing anyway. He tilted his head to kiss Ender's temple.
"Thank you for being patient, kreetle."
Ender
"You don't need to thank me," Ender replied gently. "I just want you to be happy, that's all."
Ben
"Happy's going to take a bit of work," Ben admitted. "I'll settle for at peace with my decision." He took a deep breath. "And I am. I'm with you, Ender, and this galaxy can find another member of my family to kick around for a while."
Ender
"All right," Ender said, and he gave Ben's hand one more squeeze before he let go of it. "I've got your back."
Ben
Ben's lips quirked up. "Always," he murmured. He stood up and reached for a fresh set of robes. "Wait for me here, though?"
Ender
"Sure," Ender said. He scooted further back onto the bed, then pulled his legs up towards him, watching as Ben moved around the room. "Ben?"
Ben
"Yeah?" Ben asked, shucking off his shirt and turning toward him.
Ender
"May the Force be with you," Ender said, offering him a tiny smile, "and don't let the Masters bite you."
Ben
Ben stopped what he was doing to give Ender a quick but thorough kiss.
Ender
Ender was still smiling that tiny smile when they parted. He reached out and gave Ben's shoulder a nudge to guide him on his way.
Ben
Ben wouldn't mention it out loud, but the little smile was what had him squaring his shoulders and walking like the self-assured adult he'd become.
He knew what he wanted, and a group of people he'd known since he was born weren't going to dissuade him from the path he'd chosen.
Forty-five minutes into his interview with the Council, and Ben was wishing he'd brought Ender with him. Or a chair.
The Masters (minus Jaina, who'd they'd refused to bother while she was on her honeymoon) made Ben go through his vision part by part, then dissected the meaning of each portion.
The amount of time they spent on the color of the nexu alone was pushing Ben past his already tenuous grasp on patience.
"That's not the only reason I came here," he finally said, interrupting Kyle Katarn mid-sentence and getting a warning look in reply. "I'm going with Ender to help him start a new colony in his galaxy and might not be in communication for some time."
A series of blank stares greeted that announcement. Ben looked to his father, who--as had become a bit of a habit in the last few days--was staring into space. It was that slightly pained look in his father's eyes that stopped Ben from whining out, "But my dad said I could go."
Instead he stood up taller and met each Master's gaze. "It's not the first time a Jedi has gone on an exploratory expedition to another galaxy. It's not even the first time I've gone to another galaxy."
"That was before we knew Abeloth was so interested in you," Corran pointed out quietly.
"And the vision you had certainly seemed to imply that she isn't gone completely," another added, "so perhaps you should stay closer to home."
And that was when Ben lost his temper.
"I've been stabbed," he began quietly. "I've been tortured. I've been blown up. I've lost my master, my mother, and more friends than I care to think about. I have done everything you've ever asked of me. I will not stay here to serve as bait for an unkillable deity!"
It was the wide-eyed looks, some distinctly unimpressed, that clued him in on how how loudly he'd been yelling. No one told the Council what to do, not ever, but he was in too deep to stop now.
He reached for the lightsaber on his hip, ignoring the sharp intakes of breath as he ignited it, then plunged it straight into the floor. "If Abeloth's so worried I won't come back," he said, voice trembling slightly, "point her at that."
Ben met his father's eyes one final time, then turned on his heel and stalked away in the shocked silence that followed.
[OOC: Borrowed, then modified, from Troy Denning's Apocalpyse. Preplayed with the fabulous endsthegame, and concluding our two week spam of your flist!]