Sinkhole Station. Um, sort of. [Time is relative here]
A few minutes-or a lifetime-of meditation with Rhondi and Ben felt himself slipping free of his body. He had a thousand questions about what was happening to him, about how long they had been gone and what would happen to his body. But when Rhondi appeared next to him, looking more refreshed and beautiful than she ever had, he had only one thing to ask her: “How do we find my father?”
She extended her hand. “Take my hand and walk with me into the light.”
At any other time, Ben would have had a comment about how walking into the light sounded a bit ominous, but right now Ben did as she instructed, and together they walked into the crackling purple radiance beyond the viewport. He was instantly filled with an eternal, boundless bliss beyond anything he’d ever experienced. He became one with the Force, melted into it and was filled with a calm joy as vast as the galaxy itself. How long he and Rhondi hung there together, Ben would never know. It was less than an eyeblink, long as eternity.
And suddenly Ben was looking out on a narrow black mountain lake with a surface as still as glass. From one shore rose a sheer granite face, sloping toward a domed summit lit with the light of a blue sun. Along the other shore lay a boulder-strewn meadow. Directly ahead was his father standing next to Ryontarr and the Givin, looking toward a half-hidden female form floating in the silver mists that concealed the far end of the lake.
Ben released Rhondi’s hand, no longer consumed by the same sense of urgency that had been troubling him on the station. True, his father had grown perilously weak over the last few weeks, and true his own life was also in peril since the Mind Walkers were still trying to kill them. But Ben had left such mundane worries behind with his body. He’d swum in the incomprehensible infinity of the universe, and now he understood: life and death were the same because moments did not vanish, could not be consumed like air or water or nutripaste. They existed once and forever, spread across the entire continuity of the universe. Just as atoms gathered together to make matter, moments gathered in packets of minutes and hours, which mortals perceived as time passing.
But those packets were no more the essence of time than sunlight was the essence of a star, heat the essence of fire. They were simply the perceptions through which the mind of finite beings experienced the infinite. When he had time to think about it, he wondered how this would change his perceptions of his vision of Jacen, or the view of the future he’d experienced with Ender.
Now-for the given value of now-he had to talk to his father. “That was some trip,” he said with a smile.
Luke
“You weren’t supposed to find that out,” Luke said with a wry snort.
Ben
“Sorry,” Ben said, looking at his boots. “But it wouldn’t have been a good idea for me to go back to Coruscant right now. I’m not even sure Ender would have let me. Think about where we are, or at least where our bodies are, and what everyone who’s gone barvy has in common.”
Luke
Luke nodded. “Shelter.” He cocked his head and studied Ben for a long moment. “Were you-“
Ben
“I think so,” Ben said, reaching up to touch the eye that Ender had punched. “I have this really strong feeling that they’re trying to kill us.”
Luke
Luke gave him a smile. “Ben, it’s not paranoid if it’s true.” He tipped his head toward his two escorts. “These two have been leading me into one trap after another since we left the station.”
Ben
“And you’re still here?” Ben asked, eyes widening.
Luke
“I have few questions left,” Luke said with a shrug.
Ben
“You’re pretty close to dying,” Ben replied, reaching out to pull his father’s arm. “We’ve got to go.”
Luke
“In a minute, Ben,” Luke said, pulling his arm free gently. “I’ve known for a while they’ve been trying to stall me.” He turned to Ryontarr. “I haven’t been able to figure out why.”
“And you expect me to tell you?” the Gotal asked. “Because we were both Jedi once?”
“That would be the courteous thing,” Luke said. “But the reason you’re going to tell me is because I’m leaving if you don’t.”
“Because she desires it,” Ryontarr said finally, pointing to the woman in the mist.
Ben
As soon as his father asked, Ben looked toward the woman and instantly felt the chill of his danger sense. Hers was the same needy presence he’d felt as a child in the Maw. “Dad, I really think it’s time to go,” he said insistently. “I’m pretty sure she’s what was reaching for me when I was at Shelter.”
Luke
“We’ll leave as soon as I know what she wants with us. This lady…I think she knows what corrupted Jacen, maybe even what’s been driving our Jedi Knights mad.” Luke stepped into the shallow waters of the lake. “I won’t be long, Ben. You go on back.”
Ben
“I’m not going anywhere without you.” Ben looked at Rhondi. “And you’re not going anywhere without me, and you’re a better guide than Ryontarr.”
Rhondi looked extremely dismayed, but she stepped forward all the same. “Take your father’s arm.” She began leading them forward, keeping close to the meadow. To Ben’s surprise-and unease-the boulders along the shore cast shadows, not of themselves, but of Wookiees, Barabels, humans, and a few species Ben did not even recognize. The reflections didn’t lie on the surface of the water but appeared about a dozen centimeters below, just where the water grew too dark to see any deeper.
“This is the Lake of Apparitions,” Ryontarr said, following behind Ben. “Perhaps you see why.”
“Yeah,” Ben said. He would have been just as happy not knowing the name-but he was pretty certain the Gotal realized that. “Thanks for the hint.”
“My pleasure,” Ryontarr said. “And this end, we call the Mirror of Remembrance.”
“Catchy names,” Ben replied. “I’ll remember for the guidebook.”
The water was no more than calf-deep, but it was dark and Ben couldn’t see his feet. After only a few steps, he stepped on a submerged stone and stumbled, and Rhondi quickly ordered, “Step only where I step. The lake is generally shallow, but there are places where it drops off.”
“Into the Depths of Eternity,” the Givin rasped from the end of the line. “If you sink into that, even we cannot pull you back.”
“Great,” Ben muttered, pushing his father ahead, directly behind Rhondi, then slipped into line himself, reaching forward to hold Luke’s arm. “Hear that, Dad?”
Luke
“Got it, son,” Luke confirmed, sounding more amused than concerned. “Thanks for being sure.”
Ben
“No problem,” Ben replied “At your age, the hearing starts to go.”
As Ben spoke, he looked down to make certain he was following exactly in his father’s footsteps, then gasped aloud at the face he saw staring up at him. He hadn’t seen it since a very peculiar weekend in Fandom a year or so back-or was it longer? Shorter? Time was hard to capture here.
Luke
At the sound of Ben’s gasp, his father stopped and turned to look, then also gasped: “Anakin?”
Anakin
Anakin Solo’s image floated up, as if emerging from the reflection of a boulder on the shore. His lips were just breaking the surface of the lake, and his icy-blue eyes-the exact color of both Luke’s and Anakin Skywalker’s-swung in Ben’s father’s direction.
“Uncle…Luke? Is that really you?” Anakin’s voice was gurgling and uncertain.
Luke
Luke nodded, his Force aura going cold and heavy with the guilt he felt a decade and a half later about sending Anakin on the mission that had ended his life. “Yes, Anakin. It’s-”
Ben
Luke’s voice cracked and Ben couldn’t really blame him. It seemed impossible that they were really speaking to Anakin Solo-but it also seemed impossible that they had left their bodies behind to journey through the Maw as pure Force presences.
“Hello, Anakin,” he said after a minute when it became obvious that Luke couldn’t speak just yet. “I don’t suppose you remember me.”
If this Anakin remembered traveling to Fandom…
Anakin
“Ben?” Anakin replied, looking a little stunned. “Has it been that long?”
Ben
Well, it hadn’t been his Anakin who’d visited, after all. Ben shoved aside the long-repressed hurt of not having his mother show when so many others had gotten closure that weekend and focused on the present. “I’m afraid so. I’m only a little bit older than you were…” he paused, wondering if it was rude to remind the dead they were dead, then remembered his conversation with Anakin in Fandom and decided that it was even worse to be anything less than honest with his cousin, “…when you died.”
Anakin
To Ben’s relief, Anakin didn’t seem at all surprised. “Try not to follow my lead, okay?”
Ben
Ben chuckled despite himself. “I’m doing my best,” he said.
Anakin
“Good.” Anakin’s expression grew serious. “Be much more careful than I was, Ben. Learn from my mistakes.”
Ben
This was weird. It was almost exactly the same conversation he’d had in Fandom. “I’ve learned from your example,” he said quietly. He checked on his father quickly (he seemed to be recovering his composure), then continued. “You’re a legend, Anakin. Your sacrifice saved the Jedi. There hasn’t been another Knight as strong as you since.”
Anakin
“You must be going soft on them,” Anakin said, scowling at Luke.
Luke
Luke smiled and squatted down to be closer to Anakin’s face. “I have high hopes for Ben, but there hasn’t been a Jedi Knight like you again. Losing you was as great a loss to the Order as it was to your family.”
Anakin
Ben knew what Anakin was going to say before he said it: “It shouldn’t have been. The Order can’t wait for a great Jedi to lead it. That’s what everyone thought I was and when I died, too much died with me.” He turned to Ben. “Don’t make the mistake I did. Don’t let anyone push you into that. Every Jedi Knight has to be his own light because the light shouldn’t go out when one Jedi dies.”
Ben
Ben nodded. “Okay, Anakin,” he said, repeating what he’d told the Anakin in Fandom. “I think I get it.” And with the way the Order was tail-spinning without Luke’s leadership, he recognized wisdom when he heard it. He’d seen too much in Fandom to step blindly into his father’s plans for him-as gratifying as it was to hear that Luke had high hopes for him.
Luke
“I’ll take your advice to heart,” Luke said, “but I want you to know that what you did on Baanu Raas saved the entire Order. Thank you for that.”
Anakin
“I wasn’t alone.” Anakin’s eyes closed. Again Ben knew what he was going to ask, and it was a little bit easier to hear now. Here, in this place beyond time and space, it seemed the height of pointlessness to be competing with a cousin who could no longer fight back over the love of a girl who was beyond the reach of both of them. “What about Tahiri?”
Ben
Luke’s lips tightened, and Ben knew his father didn’t want to answer, for fear that the entire terrible truth would stream forth: what Jacen had done to her, what Jacen had become, what Jaina had been forced to do to stop him.
“She will be,” Ben replied softly. “I promise you that, Anakin.”
Anakin
“Good,” Anakin said, giving Ben a smile. “Tell her I still love her. Now go. You don’t have much time.”
Ben
“She loves you still,” Ben blurted before Anakin’s face could disappear again, and he heard his cousin repeating the old family line about love as he retreated below the waterline: “I know.”
Ben and his father stared at the cold, empty water for a long moment before Ben finally asked, “That was a Force ghost, wasn’t it?”
Luke
Luke simply shrugged. “I have no idea, Ben.” He turned back toward the woman in the mists and motioned for Rhondi to continue. “But whatever it was, it was him.”
Ben
Despite Anakin’s warning, Ben knew better than to try to dissuade Luke from continuing forward right now. Whoever--whatever the woman in front of them was, she was part of what was threatening the Order, the Order Luke had spent his entire lifetime rebuilding, the Order Anakin had died to protect, and there was no way Luke was going to turn around now without answers.
They continued onward for more than what Ben had estimated the distance to the woman to be without making any obvious progress-when his father lurched forward, his leg dropping to the thigh into the water. “Dad!” Ben cried, reaching into the Force and pulling him back onto the path Rhondi had chosen for them. “Are you all right?”
Instead of answering, Luke stared into the water, and Ben saw what his father was looking at.
When he’d seen Anakin’s face below the surface he’d been surprised, confused, even a little frightened. This time, it just hurt. “Mom?”
Mara
His mother’s green eyes snapped open. She floated to the surface, looking neither happy nor confused, but worried. Frightened. A little angry. Her gaze went from Ben to Luke and back to Ben again. “You two shouldn’t be here,” she said. “What’s the matter with you?”
Luke
Ben couldn’t answer: he had a lump in his throat the size of his fist. To his astonishment, his father dropped into a squat and smiled. “Hello, Mara,” he said. “It’s good to see you.”
Mara
“You too, Skywalker,” she said in a softer tone. “But I’m serious. You can’t be-“
Luke
“We’re fine,” Luke insisted and somewhere in the back of Ben’s head, he could hear his grandfather ranting about the use of that word in their family. And here, in a lake where the water wasn’t real, having a conversation with his dead relatives, Ben had to agree. “Fine” didn’t come close to describing what they were.
“We’re alive, Mara,” Luke assured her, “and on a mission. One of the strangest I’ve ever had, but we’re still working it. Can you tell me what this place is, exactly?”
Ben
“I told you,” the Givin rasped behind Ben. “It’s the Lake of Apparitions.
“Not what he meant, bonehead,” Ben retorted, then gave his mother a slightly strained smile. “Hi, Mom. Uh…long time, no see.”
Mara
The wisecrack finally brought back the grin that Ben had been aching to see for nearly three years. “Ben! You’ve grown…and more than just taller.”
Ben
He longed to reach down and touch her watery check, but she was only a reflection and he didn’t dare risk it in case it shattered the moment entirely. “What can you tell us about this place? It’s pretty weird.”
Mara
“You’re talking to a dead woman, Ben, of course it’s weird. I don’t know what I can tell you,” she said after a moment. “I think it’s different for everyone. For me, it’s a place of reflection to consider what I’ve done.”
Luke
Luke’s brows rose in alarm and in pain. “Are you suffering?”
Mara
“I’ve done some things that cause me anguish, yes,” she replied.
Luke
He shook his head. “But you didn’t know better,” he said. “Palpatine tricked you.”
Mara
Mara gave Luke a sad smile, looking like she wanted to touch him as badly as Ben wanted to touch her. “I’ve made my peace with Palpatine a long time ago. You know that.” She turned to Ben. “But I didn’t serve him my whole life, and that has been both my blessing and my curse.”
Ben
Ben frowned. “Mom, I don’t understand.”
Mara
“Jacen,” she said simply. “I didn’t go after him as a Jedi, Ben. I went after as a hunter…a killer.”
Ben
Ben felt like he’d been stabbed in the heart. “But he was a Sith Lord!”
Mara
“Not when I went after him,” she said. “And you know that’s not why I did it.”
Ben
Ben sank onto his haunches and if his father hadn’t reached out to steady him, he would have collapsed into the water. He did know: his mother had gone after Jacen because of what Jacen had been doing to him and because he’d been too ashamed to admit the truth to his father, and he’d asked his mother to keep his secret.
“Mom, I’m so sorry,” he said. “It’s all-“
Mara
“It isn’t,” she said insistently, cutting him off, “and I’m not telling you this because I need your sorrow.” She smiled at him. “I’m a little bit beyond that now, don’t you think?”
Ben
He forced himself to return the smile. “Yeah, I guess.”
Mara
“I want you to learn from what I did, Ben. It’s not the result that counts, but the action.” Her eyes grew hard and angry, then she said, “Jacen’s goals were noble; he acted for the good of the galaxy. But his acts were horrific, and nothing can change that. Even if he did bring peace to the galaxy, the stain remains, and it will darken him for eternity. Do you understand that?”
The lump had returned to Ben’s throat, so large and hard now that he could barely croak out a “yes.”
“It’s not about the legacy you leave, it’s about the life you live,” she continued. “Remember that, live by that.”
Ben
“I’ll remember, Mom,” he murmured, fighting back tears. “I promise.”
Mara
“Good.” His mother’s hand rose and touched the surface of the water like a prisoner trying to reach through the wall of a transparisteel cell. “That’s what I need from you, Ben. If you do that, I will be at peace. That’s my promise.” She started to sink. “Now go.”
Luke
“Mara,” Luke said. “Wait.”
Mara
“You don’t have time.” She stopped sinking and only her lips remained at the surface. “Forget her.”
Luke
Luke glanced at the woman in the mists, then said, “That’s not what I wanted to -“
Mara
“Luke, I know,” Mara replied, “but she’s one of the old ones. Leave her alone. Trust me.”
Luke
Luke shook his head. “I can’t. Not yet.”
Mara
“Then there’s nothing I can do,” Mara said. “I love you, Luke. But if you have to do this, may the Force be with you.” With that she closed her eyes and sank beneath the surface.
Luke
Luke remained crouching over her reflection, eyes closed and chin dropped, for an hour. Or maybe it was only a few seconds, Ben had no idea. The important thing was that the Givin and Ryontarr weren’t inclined to interrupt, and Ben didn’t dare to.
Rhondi was not so patient. After a time, she pulled Luke to his feet and turned back to the near end of the lake.
“No,” Luke said insistently. “I need to keep going forward.”
Before Ben could object, Rhondi was shaking her own head. “I know who Mara Jade was, and who she was to you. If she doesn’t want you walking into the Mists of Forgetfulness, then it’s time to turn back.”
Luke’s eyebrows rose at the name she’d given the mists, but he didn’t turn away. “You’re probably right,” he said. Without looking at Ben, he said, “Son, you go on back. If I don’t join you, well, soon, take the Shadow and-“
Ben
“Dad, the Mists of Forgetfulness,” Ben interrupted. “What part of that doesn’t scream ‘Mom’s right, get the blazes out of here’?”
Luke
His father’s Force aura didn’t crack with even a ripple of amusement. “Ben, this isn’t a debate.”
Ben
“You’re kriffing right it isn’t,” Ben retorted. “If you’re crazy enough to keep going, you’re too crazy to give me orders. And I’m not crazy enough yet to follow them. I’m going with you.”
Rhondi shot Ben an angry glare, then took Luke’s arm and led them toward the mists again. As they walked, the gallery of reflections continued to peer up at them, and Ben began to think of his father’s weakened body back in the control center, wondering how much time they had left-if they had any. He said, “Hey, Dad? No more stops, okay? At your age, you probably know a lot of dead people. If we stop to talk to all of them, we’re going to be down there with them.”
Luke
Luke chuckled. “Okay, Ben. Not all of them.”
Ben
They’d gone another two hundred paces or so, with the mists still as far ahead as always, when Ben took his eyes off of his father’s heels just enough to glance back-and then crashed into Luke’s back. “Stang! Sorry, Dad. I don’t think we’re ever going to get there. The mists keep-“
It dawned on him that his father was staring down into the waters again and he suppressed a sigh. After Mara’s warning, it seemed a betrayal to talk to anyone else, and Ben braced himself to be rude-or at least quick-to whoever had caught Luke’s attention.
He slipped forward and felt the blood in his veins run cold. Peering up from the lake was a gaunt, familiar face with brown hair, a thin Solo nose, and the yellow eyes of a Sith Lord. Recalling that neither his mother nor Anakin had responded until their names had been spoken aloud, Ben bit back the urge to utter his former Master’s name. The last thing Ben wanted to do was speak to Darth Caedus right now. There was a time only a few months (maybe?) ago when he’d wanted to speak to Jacen, but that had been purged through flow-walking in the Kathol Rift. Now he just wanted to return to his body and get his father out of this place.
Luke
His father, of course, had other ideas. He squatted down, then deliberately said, “Jacen.”
Jacen
The yellow eyes darkened to brown and the reflection grew a little less gaunt. When it reached the surface, the eyes, as sad as they had been angry a second before, looked from Luke to Ben.
“I won’t ask for forgiveness,” Jacen said.
Luke
“Good,” Luke’s voice wasn’t unkind, just firm. “Because I don’t think I could give it.”
Jacen
A half-smile crept across Jacen’s lips. “Honest to the end, Uncle Luke. That’s one of the things I always appreciated about you.” His gaze shifted to Ben. “I want you to know-all the anger and the hate--I didn’t bring it with me. Tell Jaina that I forgive her.”
Ben
Ben’s temper exploded. “You forgive her?” he spat, feeling fury for not just his Jaina here but the Jaina who was about to have this same bit of history unfold for her. “Do you have any idea what you put her through? You pompous, self-righteous-“
Luke
“Ben!” Luke barked. “That isn’t the reason I let you come along. Remember what you just promised your mother.”
Ben
The rebuke was more a nudge than a slap, a deliberate reminder that left Ben with no doubts that his father had been expecting this meeting from the moment they’d encountered Anakin Solo. Ben just thought it was a pretty lousy idea. Whatever Jacen-or Caedus-said to them was sure to be a half-truth at best. But he didn’t doubt that Luke had a plan (though a tiny voice that sounded like a dry little Ender snorted about how good a plan it might be), and so he reined his temper back in.
“You’re right, Dad,” he replied. He turned to Jacen. “I hope you’ll forgive me.”
Jacen
The sneer that came to Jacen’s face left no doubt about how likely that outcome was. “Don’t you think we’re past that sort of nonsense now, Ben? I did what I did and you did what you did, and you have every right to feel as you do. All I ask is you show me the courtesy of being honest about it.”
Ben
“Fine,” Ben said tightly. “Honestly, I think you’re the same kriffing sleemo you were when you were alive, and I’m glad you’re dead.”
Jacen
“Better,” Jacen said, flashing him a crooked Solo grin. “I hope you remember what to do with that anger.”
Luke
“He’s developed a few alternative techniques for that,” Luke said, sounding a little wry and thinking of a dark-haired boy waiting for them aboard the Shadow. “But since we’re all being honest here, would you answer a question for me?”
Jacen
Jacen kept his gaze fixed on Ben “Why not?” he replied. “You did come a long way to ask it.”
Luke
Luke smiled in genuine gratitude. “I appreciate that.”
Ben thought Luke was going to ask about the woman in the mist, or her relationship with the mental illness plaguing the Order. He thought his father might as about whether she was somehow responsible for corrupting Jacen himself, or if Darth Caedus had something to do with the problems currently troubling the Jedi
Instead Luke asked, “When you visited the Pool of Knowledge, who did you see sitting on the Throne of Balance?” which sounded like absolute gibberish to Ben.
Jacen
The yellow flash in Jacen’s eyes betrayed his surprise, but Ben realized this was a question Jacen wanted to answer and never thought he’d be asked.
He cocked his brow. “First, would you mind telling me who you saw?”
Luke
“Not at all,” Luke replied. “Allana, surrounded by a retinue of species from all across the galaxy. She looked quite happy.”
Jacen
“Then it doesn’t matter who I saw,” Jacen said with a smile of relief-or maybe triumph. “But it wasn’t you if, by chance, that’s what you were thinking.”
Ben
The conversation was entirely lost on Ben. He had no more idea of what a Throne of Balance was than he did the Pool of Knowledge. But he did recognize relief in his father’s Force aura, and gratitude as well. And he was thankful to Jacen for those two things, if for nothing else. Ever.
“It wasn’t,” Luke said with a wry smile to Jacen, “but thanks.”
Had Ben not been so attuned to his father at that moment, he wouldn’t have noticed Luke’d done something Ben had believed his father never did. Luke had lied.
Jacen
Jacen returned Luke’s wry smile. “I didn’t think so.” He closed his eyes and began to sink below the surface.
Ben
Ben realized he couldn’t let his cousin go like that-not if he wanted to keep his promise to his mother. “Jacen, wait,” he called. He took a deep breath, then let it go, and with it, three years of hurt. “I just wanted you to know that I forgive you.”
Jacen
“That’s good, Ben,” Jacen said. “It’s one burden you won’t have to carry through life. Go with the Force.”
Ben
“Thanks.” Ben was so surprised by the sincerity in Jacen’s voice that he didn’t know what to say. “You too, I guess.”
Jacen
“Ben, I am with the Force,” he replied, snorting in amusement. “Isn’t there a question you wanted to ask me?”
Ben
“Well, yeah,” Ben admitted, “but I didn’t want it to seem like I was just trying to buy an answer.”
Jacen
Jacen turned towards the Mists of Forgetfulness and answered the question before Ben could ask it. “I wish I could help you, but I have no idea who that is.”
Ben
Ben’s heart sank. He half suspected that Jacen was lying to him, but he had no use in holding onto such bitterness any more. Either he’d forgiven Jacen or he hadn’t, and it would be better for him if he had. “No problem, Jacen,” he said. “Have a peaceful…whatever.”
Jacen
“Damnation,” Jacen supplied. “But Ben, if you really want to know who she is, the lake doesn’t stretch forever. Just keep walking. You have all the time in the universe.”
Ben
Ben scowled, certain now that Jacen was toying with him. “Thanks, Jacen.” He glanced at his stubborn father. “That’s sure to be a big help.”
Jacen
Jacen gave him a cruel smirk. “Just choose and act, Ben. Just choose and act.” He sank beneath the surface again, his eyes turning a bright, burning white.
Ben
“Good advice,” Ben said sarcastically, then turned to Luke. “Dad, I’m making a command decision. If Jacen tells us we have all the time in the universe-“
Luke
“-We’re in trouble, I know,” Luke finished. He turned around and started wading toward the near end of the lake. “Let’s go home.”
“But what about the lady in the mists?” the Givin asked, moving to block their way. “You can’t leave before you know who she-”
“I know one thing,” Luke said, bringing his hand up and planting the palm of it in the Givin’s chest to give him a Force-enhanced shove out of the way. “It’s time to get back to the Shadow.”
[OOC: Taken and modified from Abyss by Troy Denning. Contains gratuitous icons of Christian Bale and happens at the same time as this. NFB, NFI, OOC is love.]
She extended her hand. “Take my hand and walk with me into the light.”
At any other time, Ben would have had a comment about how walking into the light sounded a bit ominous, but right now Ben did as she instructed, and together they walked into the crackling purple radiance beyond the viewport. He was instantly filled with an eternal, boundless bliss beyond anything he’d ever experienced. He became one with the Force, melted into it and was filled with a calm joy as vast as the galaxy itself. How long he and Rhondi hung there together, Ben would never know. It was less than an eyeblink, long as eternity.
And suddenly Ben was looking out on a narrow black mountain lake with a surface as still as glass. From one shore rose a sheer granite face, sloping toward a domed summit lit with the light of a blue sun. Along the other shore lay a boulder-strewn meadow. Directly ahead was his father standing next to Ryontarr and the Givin, looking toward a half-hidden female form floating in the silver mists that concealed the far end of the lake.
Ben released Rhondi’s hand, no longer consumed by the same sense of urgency that had been troubling him on the station. True, his father had grown perilously weak over the last few weeks, and true his own life was also in peril since the Mind Walkers were still trying to kill them. But Ben had left such mundane worries behind with his body. He’d swum in the incomprehensible infinity of the universe, and now he understood: life and death were the same because moments did not vanish, could not be consumed like air or water or nutripaste. They existed once and forever, spread across the entire continuity of the universe. Just as atoms gathered together to make matter, moments gathered in packets of minutes and hours, which mortals perceived as time passing.
But those packets were no more the essence of time than sunlight was the essence of a star, heat the essence of fire. They were simply the perceptions through which the mind of finite beings experienced the infinite. When he had time to think about it, he wondered how this would change his perceptions of his vision of Jacen, or the view of the future he’d experienced with Ender.
Now-for the given value of now-he had to talk to his father. “That was some trip,” he said with a smile.
Luke
“You weren’t supposed to find that out,” Luke said with a wry snort.
Ben
“Sorry,” Ben said, looking at his boots. “But it wouldn’t have been a good idea for me to go back to Coruscant right now. I’m not even sure Ender would have let me. Think about where we are, or at least where our bodies are, and what everyone who’s gone barvy has in common.”
Luke
Luke nodded. “Shelter.” He cocked his head and studied Ben for a long moment. “Were you-“
Ben
“I think so,” Ben said, reaching up to touch the eye that Ender had punched. “I have this really strong feeling that they’re trying to kill us.”
Luke
Luke gave him a smile. “Ben, it’s not paranoid if it’s true.” He tipped his head toward his two escorts. “These two have been leading me into one trap after another since we left the station.”
Ben
“And you’re still here?” Ben asked, eyes widening.
Luke
“I have few questions left,” Luke said with a shrug.
Ben
“You’re pretty close to dying,” Ben replied, reaching out to pull his father’s arm. “We’ve got to go.”
Luke
“In a minute, Ben,” Luke said, pulling his arm free gently. “I’ve known for a while they’ve been trying to stall me.” He turned to Ryontarr. “I haven’t been able to figure out why.”
“And you expect me to tell you?” the Gotal asked. “Because we were both Jedi once?”
“That would be the courteous thing,” Luke said. “But the reason you’re going to tell me is because I’m leaving if you don’t.”
“Because she desires it,” Ryontarr said finally, pointing to the woman in the mist.
Ben
As soon as his father asked, Ben looked toward the woman and instantly felt the chill of his danger sense. Hers was the same needy presence he’d felt as a child in the Maw. “Dad, I really think it’s time to go,” he said insistently. “I’m pretty sure she’s what was reaching for me when I was at Shelter.”
Luke
“We’ll leave as soon as I know what she wants with us. This lady…I think she knows what corrupted Jacen, maybe even what’s been driving our Jedi Knights mad.” Luke stepped into the shallow waters of the lake. “I won’t be long, Ben. You go on back.”
Ben
“I’m not going anywhere without you.” Ben looked at Rhondi. “And you’re not going anywhere without me, and you’re a better guide than Ryontarr.”
Rhondi looked extremely dismayed, but she stepped forward all the same. “Take your father’s arm.” She began leading them forward, keeping close to the meadow. To Ben’s surprise-and unease-the boulders along the shore cast shadows, not of themselves, but of Wookiees, Barabels, humans, and a few species Ben did not even recognize. The reflections didn’t lie on the surface of the water but appeared about a dozen centimeters below, just where the water grew too dark to see any deeper.
“This is the Lake of Apparitions,” Ryontarr said, following behind Ben. “Perhaps you see why.”
“Yeah,” Ben said. He would have been just as happy not knowing the name-but he was pretty certain the Gotal realized that. “Thanks for the hint.”
“My pleasure,” Ryontarr said. “And this end, we call the Mirror of Remembrance.”
“Catchy names,” Ben replied. “I’ll remember for the guidebook.”
The water was no more than calf-deep, but it was dark and Ben couldn’t see his feet. After only a few steps, he stepped on a submerged stone and stumbled, and Rhondi quickly ordered, “Step only where I step. The lake is generally shallow, but there are places where it drops off.”
“Into the Depths of Eternity,” the Givin rasped from the end of the line. “If you sink into that, even we cannot pull you back.”
“Great,” Ben muttered, pushing his father ahead, directly behind Rhondi, then slipped into line himself, reaching forward to hold Luke’s arm. “Hear that, Dad?”
Luke
“Got it, son,” Luke confirmed, sounding more amused than concerned. “Thanks for being sure.”
Ben
“No problem,” Ben replied “At your age, the hearing starts to go.”
As Ben spoke, he looked down to make certain he was following exactly in his father’s footsteps, then gasped aloud at the face he saw staring up at him. He hadn’t seen it since a very peculiar weekend in Fandom a year or so back-or was it longer? Shorter? Time was hard to capture here.
Luke
At the sound of Ben’s gasp, his father stopped and turned to look, then also gasped: “Anakin?”
Anakin
Anakin Solo’s image floated up, as if emerging from the reflection of a boulder on the shore. His lips were just breaking the surface of the lake, and his icy-blue eyes-the exact color of both Luke’s and Anakin Skywalker’s-swung in Ben’s father’s direction.
“Uncle…Luke? Is that really you?” Anakin’s voice was gurgling and uncertain.
Luke
Luke nodded, his Force aura going cold and heavy with the guilt he felt a decade and a half later about sending Anakin on the mission that had ended his life. “Yes, Anakin. It’s-”
Ben
Luke’s voice cracked and Ben couldn’t really blame him. It seemed impossible that they were really speaking to Anakin Solo-but it also seemed impossible that they had left their bodies behind to journey through the Maw as pure Force presences.
“Hello, Anakin,” he said after a minute when it became obvious that Luke couldn’t speak just yet. “I don’t suppose you remember me.”
If this Anakin remembered traveling to Fandom…
Anakin
“Ben?” Anakin replied, looking a little stunned. “Has it been that long?”
Ben
Well, it hadn’t been his Anakin who’d visited, after all. Ben shoved aside the long-repressed hurt of not having his mother show when so many others had gotten closure that weekend and focused on the present. “I’m afraid so. I’m only a little bit older than you were…” he paused, wondering if it was rude to remind the dead they were dead, then remembered his conversation with Anakin in Fandom and decided that it was even worse to be anything less than honest with his cousin, “…when you died.”
Anakin
To Ben’s relief, Anakin didn’t seem at all surprised. “Try not to follow my lead, okay?”
Ben
Ben chuckled despite himself. “I’m doing my best,” he said.
Anakin
“Good.” Anakin’s expression grew serious. “Be much more careful than I was, Ben. Learn from my mistakes.”
Ben
This was weird. It was almost exactly the same conversation he’d had in Fandom. “I’ve learned from your example,” he said quietly. He checked on his father quickly (he seemed to be recovering his composure), then continued. “You’re a legend, Anakin. Your sacrifice saved the Jedi. There hasn’t been another Knight as strong as you since.”
Anakin
“You must be going soft on them,” Anakin said, scowling at Luke.
Luke
Luke smiled and squatted down to be closer to Anakin’s face. “I have high hopes for Ben, but there hasn’t been a Jedi Knight like you again. Losing you was as great a loss to the Order as it was to your family.”
Anakin
Ben knew what Anakin was going to say before he said it: “It shouldn’t have been. The Order can’t wait for a great Jedi to lead it. That’s what everyone thought I was and when I died, too much died with me.” He turned to Ben. “Don’t make the mistake I did. Don’t let anyone push you into that. Every Jedi Knight has to be his own light because the light shouldn’t go out when one Jedi dies.”
Ben
Ben nodded. “Okay, Anakin,” he said, repeating what he’d told the Anakin in Fandom. “I think I get it.” And with the way the Order was tail-spinning without Luke’s leadership, he recognized wisdom when he heard it. He’d seen too much in Fandom to step blindly into his father’s plans for him-as gratifying as it was to hear that Luke had high hopes for him.
Luke
“I’ll take your advice to heart,” Luke said, “but I want you to know that what you did on Baanu Raas saved the entire Order. Thank you for that.”
Anakin
“I wasn’t alone.” Anakin’s eyes closed. Again Ben knew what he was going to ask, and it was a little bit easier to hear now. Here, in this place beyond time and space, it seemed the height of pointlessness to be competing with a cousin who could no longer fight back over the love of a girl who was beyond the reach of both of them. “What about Tahiri?”
Ben
Luke’s lips tightened, and Ben knew his father didn’t want to answer, for fear that the entire terrible truth would stream forth: what Jacen had done to her, what Jacen had become, what Jaina had been forced to do to stop him.
“She will be,” Ben replied softly. “I promise you that, Anakin.”
Anakin
“Good,” Anakin said, giving Ben a smile. “Tell her I still love her. Now go. You don’t have much time.”
Ben
“She loves you still,” Ben blurted before Anakin’s face could disappear again, and he heard his cousin repeating the old family line about love as he retreated below the waterline: “I know.”
Ben and his father stared at the cold, empty water for a long moment before Ben finally asked, “That was a Force ghost, wasn’t it?”
Luke
Luke simply shrugged. “I have no idea, Ben.” He turned back toward the woman in the mists and motioned for Rhondi to continue. “But whatever it was, it was him.”
Ben
Despite Anakin’s warning, Ben knew better than to try to dissuade Luke from continuing forward right now. Whoever--whatever the woman in front of them was, she was part of what was threatening the Order, the Order Luke had spent his entire lifetime rebuilding, the Order Anakin had died to protect, and there was no way Luke was going to turn around now without answers.
They continued onward for more than what Ben had estimated the distance to the woman to be without making any obvious progress-when his father lurched forward, his leg dropping to the thigh into the water. “Dad!” Ben cried, reaching into the Force and pulling him back onto the path Rhondi had chosen for them. “Are you all right?”
Instead of answering, Luke stared into the water, and Ben saw what his father was looking at.
When he’d seen Anakin’s face below the surface he’d been surprised, confused, even a little frightened. This time, it just hurt. “Mom?”
Mara
His mother’s green eyes snapped open. She floated to the surface, looking neither happy nor confused, but worried. Frightened. A little angry. Her gaze went from Ben to Luke and back to Ben again. “You two shouldn’t be here,” she said. “What’s the matter with you?”
Luke
Ben couldn’t answer: he had a lump in his throat the size of his fist. To his astonishment, his father dropped into a squat and smiled. “Hello, Mara,” he said. “It’s good to see you.”
Mara
“You too, Skywalker,” she said in a softer tone. “But I’m serious. You can’t be-“
Luke
“We’re fine,” Luke insisted and somewhere in the back of Ben’s head, he could hear his grandfather ranting about the use of that word in their family. And here, in a lake where the water wasn’t real, having a conversation with his dead relatives, Ben had to agree. “Fine” didn’t come close to describing what they were.
“We’re alive, Mara,” Luke assured her, “and on a mission. One of the strangest I’ve ever had, but we’re still working it. Can you tell me what this place is, exactly?”
Ben
“I told you,” the Givin rasped behind Ben. “It’s the Lake of Apparitions.
“Not what he meant, bonehead,” Ben retorted, then gave his mother a slightly strained smile. “Hi, Mom. Uh…long time, no see.”
Mara
The wisecrack finally brought back the grin that Ben had been aching to see for nearly three years. “Ben! You’ve grown…and more than just taller.”
Ben
He longed to reach down and touch her watery check, but she was only a reflection and he didn’t dare risk it in case it shattered the moment entirely. “What can you tell us about this place? It’s pretty weird.”
Mara
“You’re talking to a dead woman, Ben, of course it’s weird. I don’t know what I can tell you,” she said after a moment. “I think it’s different for everyone. For me, it’s a place of reflection to consider what I’ve done.”
Luke
Luke’s brows rose in alarm and in pain. “Are you suffering?”
Mara
“I’ve done some things that cause me anguish, yes,” she replied.
Luke
He shook his head. “But you didn’t know better,” he said. “Palpatine tricked you.”
Mara
Mara gave Luke a sad smile, looking like she wanted to touch him as badly as Ben wanted to touch her. “I’ve made my peace with Palpatine a long time ago. You know that.” She turned to Ben. “But I didn’t serve him my whole life, and that has been both my blessing and my curse.”
Ben
Ben frowned. “Mom, I don’t understand.”
Mara
“Jacen,” she said simply. “I didn’t go after him as a Jedi, Ben. I went after as a hunter…a killer.”
Ben
Ben felt like he’d been stabbed in the heart. “But he was a Sith Lord!”
Mara
“Not when I went after him,” she said. “And you know that’s not why I did it.”
Ben
Ben sank onto his haunches and if his father hadn’t reached out to steady him, he would have collapsed into the water. He did know: his mother had gone after Jacen because of what Jacen had been doing to him and because he’d been too ashamed to admit the truth to his father, and he’d asked his mother to keep his secret.
“Mom, I’m so sorry,” he said. “It’s all-“
Mara
“It isn’t,” she said insistently, cutting him off, “and I’m not telling you this because I need your sorrow.” She smiled at him. “I’m a little bit beyond that now, don’t you think?”
Ben
He forced himself to return the smile. “Yeah, I guess.”
Mara
“I want you to learn from what I did, Ben. It’s not the result that counts, but the action.” Her eyes grew hard and angry, then she said, “Jacen’s goals were noble; he acted for the good of the galaxy. But his acts were horrific, and nothing can change that. Even if he did bring peace to the galaxy, the stain remains, and it will darken him for eternity. Do you understand that?”
The lump had returned to Ben’s throat, so large and hard now that he could barely croak out a “yes.”
“It’s not about the legacy you leave, it’s about the life you live,” she continued. “Remember that, live by that.”
Ben
“I’ll remember, Mom,” he murmured, fighting back tears. “I promise.”
Mara
“Good.” His mother’s hand rose and touched the surface of the water like a prisoner trying to reach through the wall of a transparisteel cell. “That’s what I need from you, Ben. If you do that, I will be at peace. That’s my promise.” She started to sink. “Now go.”
Luke
“Mara,” Luke said. “Wait.”
Mara
“You don’t have time.” She stopped sinking and only her lips remained at the surface. “Forget her.”
Luke
Luke glanced at the woman in the mists, then said, “That’s not what I wanted to -“
Mara
“Luke, I know,” Mara replied, “but she’s one of the old ones. Leave her alone. Trust me.”
Luke
Luke shook his head. “I can’t. Not yet.”
Mara
“Then there’s nothing I can do,” Mara said. “I love you, Luke. But if you have to do this, may the Force be with you.” With that she closed her eyes and sank beneath the surface.
Luke
Luke remained crouching over her reflection, eyes closed and chin dropped, for an hour. Or maybe it was only a few seconds, Ben had no idea. The important thing was that the Givin and Ryontarr weren’t inclined to interrupt, and Ben didn’t dare to.
Rhondi was not so patient. After a time, she pulled Luke to his feet and turned back to the near end of the lake.
“No,” Luke said insistently. “I need to keep going forward.”
Before Ben could object, Rhondi was shaking her own head. “I know who Mara Jade was, and who she was to you. If she doesn’t want you walking into the Mists of Forgetfulness, then it’s time to turn back.”
Luke’s eyebrows rose at the name she’d given the mists, but he didn’t turn away. “You’re probably right,” he said. Without looking at Ben, he said, “Son, you go on back. If I don’t join you, well, soon, take the Shadow and-“
Ben
“Dad, the Mists of Forgetfulness,” Ben interrupted. “What part of that doesn’t scream ‘Mom’s right, get the blazes out of here’?”
Luke
His father’s Force aura didn’t crack with even a ripple of amusement. “Ben, this isn’t a debate.”
Ben
“You’re kriffing right it isn’t,” Ben retorted. “If you’re crazy enough to keep going, you’re too crazy to give me orders. And I’m not crazy enough yet to follow them. I’m going with you.”
Rhondi shot Ben an angry glare, then took Luke’s arm and led them toward the mists again. As they walked, the gallery of reflections continued to peer up at them, and Ben began to think of his father’s weakened body back in the control center, wondering how much time they had left-if they had any. He said, “Hey, Dad? No more stops, okay? At your age, you probably know a lot of dead people. If we stop to talk to all of them, we’re going to be down there with them.”
Luke
Luke chuckled. “Okay, Ben. Not all of them.”
Ben
They’d gone another two hundred paces or so, with the mists still as far ahead as always, when Ben took his eyes off of his father’s heels just enough to glance back-and then crashed into Luke’s back. “Stang! Sorry, Dad. I don’t think we’re ever going to get there. The mists keep-“
It dawned on him that his father was staring down into the waters again and he suppressed a sigh. After Mara’s warning, it seemed a betrayal to talk to anyone else, and Ben braced himself to be rude-or at least quick-to whoever had caught Luke’s attention.
He slipped forward and felt the blood in his veins run cold. Peering up from the lake was a gaunt, familiar face with brown hair, a thin Solo nose, and the yellow eyes of a Sith Lord. Recalling that neither his mother nor Anakin had responded until their names had been spoken aloud, Ben bit back the urge to utter his former Master’s name. The last thing Ben wanted to do was speak to Darth Caedus right now. There was a time only a few months (maybe?) ago when he’d wanted to speak to Jacen, but that had been purged through flow-walking in the Kathol Rift. Now he just wanted to return to his body and get his father out of this place.
Luke
His father, of course, had other ideas. He squatted down, then deliberately said, “Jacen.”
Jacen
The yellow eyes darkened to brown and the reflection grew a little less gaunt. When it reached the surface, the eyes, as sad as they had been angry a second before, looked from Luke to Ben.
“I won’t ask for forgiveness,” Jacen said.
Luke
“Good,” Luke’s voice wasn’t unkind, just firm. “Because I don’t think I could give it.”
Jacen
A half-smile crept across Jacen’s lips. “Honest to the end, Uncle Luke. That’s one of the things I always appreciated about you.” His gaze shifted to Ben. “I want you to know-all the anger and the hate--I didn’t bring it with me. Tell Jaina that I forgive her.”
Ben
Ben’s temper exploded. “You forgive her?” he spat, feeling fury for not just his Jaina here but the Jaina who was about to have this same bit of history unfold for her. “Do you have any idea what you put her through? You pompous, self-righteous-“
Luke
“Ben!” Luke barked. “That isn’t the reason I let you come along. Remember what you just promised your mother.”
Ben
The rebuke was more a nudge than a slap, a deliberate reminder that left Ben with no doubts that his father had been expecting this meeting from the moment they’d encountered Anakin Solo. Ben just thought it was a pretty lousy idea. Whatever Jacen-or Caedus-said to them was sure to be a half-truth at best. But he didn’t doubt that Luke had a plan (though a tiny voice that sounded like a dry little Ender snorted about how good a plan it might be), and so he reined his temper back in.
“You’re right, Dad,” he replied. He turned to Jacen. “I hope you’ll forgive me.”
Jacen
The sneer that came to Jacen’s face left no doubt about how likely that outcome was. “Don’t you think we’re past that sort of nonsense now, Ben? I did what I did and you did what you did, and you have every right to feel as you do. All I ask is you show me the courtesy of being honest about it.”
Ben
“Fine,” Ben said tightly. “Honestly, I think you’re the same kriffing sleemo you were when you were alive, and I’m glad you’re dead.”
Jacen
“Better,” Jacen said, flashing him a crooked Solo grin. “I hope you remember what to do with that anger.”
Luke
“He’s developed a few alternative techniques for that,” Luke said, sounding a little wry and thinking of a dark-haired boy waiting for them aboard the Shadow. “But since we’re all being honest here, would you answer a question for me?”
Jacen
Jacen kept his gaze fixed on Ben “Why not?” he replied. “You did come a long way to ask it.”
Luke
Luke smiled in genuine gratitude. “I appreciate that.”
Ben thought Luke was going to ask about the woman in the mist, or her relationship with the mental illness plaguing the Order. He thought his father might as about whether she was somehow responsible for corrupting Jacen himself, or if Darth Caedus had something to do with the problems currently troubling the Jedi
Instead Luke asked, “When you visited the Pool of Knowledge, who did you see sitting on the Throne of Balance?” which sounded like absolute gibberish to Ben.
Jacen
The yellow flash in Jacen’s eyes betrayed his surprise, but Ben realized this was a question Jacen wanted to answer and never thought he’d be asked.
He cocked his brow. “First, would you mind telling me who you saw?”
Luke
“Not at all,” Luke replied. “Allana, surrounded by a retinue of species from all across the galaxy. She looked quite happy.”
Jacen
“Then it doesn’t matter who I saw,” Jacen said with a smile of relief-or maybe triumph. “But it wasn’t you if, by chance, that’s what you were thinking.”
Ben
The conversation was entirely lost on Ben. He had no more idea of what a Throne of Balance was than he did the Pool of Knowledge. But he did recognize relief in his father’s Force aura, and gratitude as well. And he was thankful to Jacen for those two things, if for nothing else. Ever.
“It wasn’t,” Luke said with a wry smile to Jacen, “but thanks.”
Had Ben not been so attuned to his father at that moment, he wouldn’t have noticed Luke’d done something Ben had believed his father never did. Luke had lied.
Jacen
Jacen returned Luke’s wry smile. “I didn’t think so.” He closed his eyes and began to sink below the surface.
Ben
Ben realized he couldn’t let his cousin go like that-not if he wanted to keep his promise to his mother. “Jacen, wait,” he called. He took a deep breath, then let it go, and with it, three years of hurt. “I just wanted you to know that I forgive you.”
Jacen
“That’s good, Ben,” Jacen said. “It’s one burden you won’t have to carry through life. Go with the Force.”
Ben
“Thanks.” Ben was so surprised by the sincerity in Jacen’s voice that he didn’t know what to say. “You too, I guess.”
Jacen
“Ben, I am with the Force,” he replied, snorting in amusement. “Isn’t there a question you wanted to ask me?”
Ben
“Well, yeah,” Ben admitted, “but I didn’t want it to seem like I was just trying to buy an answer.”
Jacen
Jacen turned towards the Mists of Forgetfulness and answered the question before Ben could ask it. “I wish I could help you, but I have no idea who that is.”
Ben
Ben’s heart sank. He half suspected that Jacen was lying to him, but he had no use in holding onto such bitterness any more. Either he’d forgiven Jacen or he hadn’t, and it would be better for him if he had. “No problem, Jacen,” he said. “Have a peaceful…whatever.”
Jacen
“Damnation,” Jacen supplied. “But Ben, if you really want to know who she is, the lake doesn’t stretch forever. Just keep walking. You have all the time in the universe.”
Ben
Ben scowled, certain now that Jacen was toying with him. “Thanks, Jacen.” He glanced at his stubborn father. “That’s sure to be a big help.”
Jacen
Jacen gave him a cruel smirk. “Just choose and act, Ben. Just choose and act.” He sank beneath the surface again, his eyes turning a bright, burning white.
Ben
“Good advice,” Ben said sarcastically, then turned to Luke. “Dad, I’m making a command decision. If Jacen tells us we have all the time in the universe-“
Luke
“-We’re in trouble, I know,” Luke finished. He turned around and started wading toward the near end of the lake. “Let’s go home.”
“But what about the lady in the mists?” the Givin asked, moving to block their way. “You can’t leave before you know who she-”
“I know one thing,” Luke said, bringing his hand up and planting the palm of it in the Givin’s chest to give him a Force-enhanced shove out of the way. “It’s time to get back to the Shadow.”
[OOC: Taken and modified from Abyss by Troy Denning. Contains gratuitous icons of Christian Bale and happens at the same time as this. NFB, NFI, OOC is love.]