Last angel (Chapter 6/7)
Title: Last angel
Author: momonyan
Pairing: Masuda/Tegoshi
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance
Summary: He went out to club sometimes, let people flirt with him; sleep with him if they wanted, just to dull the pain and loneliness a little. It didn’t help much, what he wanted wasn’t just sex, but love.
Notes: English is not my native language.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5
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Three days. Tegoshi hadn’t been able to see Masuda for three long, lonely days, and it was almost driving him crazy. He was worried enough to begin with, about his future career and about his future with Masuda, and when Masuda’s voice on the phone started to sound more and more concerned and desperate, he broke. Every time he heard that beloved voice in that sad tone, he couldn’t help but cry. Cry, just because Masuda was suffering because of him. He wasn’t allowed to see the older man; his boss had been very clear on that point. Tegoshi was going to appear on some music show in a few days, and cancelling in was out of the question since the ratings were high, and the agency couldn’t risk anything. Tegoshi had to appear, and to make sure that no new rumours were spread he was prohibited from seeing his boyfriend.
At first, Tegoshi had just been angry about it and spit out how much he hated the president when he saw Ryo, who was the only one who would listen. But when his rage stilled, he became sad instead. He missed Masuda, a lot. And their uncertain future made Tegoshi cry himself to sleep at night, because he was certain now; he wouldn’t ever be whole again if he was parted from the older man. He wondered if Masuda felt the same or if he would be fine without him. Maybe it really was just Tegoshi that desperately needed Masuda in order to feel complete. It made him sad just to think about it; he didn’t want to doubt Masuda, but the loneliness made him feel like a small child locked up in a dark room without the slightest hope of ever getting out.
Tegoshi sighed deeply and curled himself into a tight ball on the couch. He didn’t want to do anything; not even eating or showering. He should try to memorize the lyrics to the songs he was going to sing at the music show, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to do anything at all. Just lying there was the best option; it gave him time to think. Tegoshi had do decide on what to do, because he had to make a decision. He had to choose between Masuda and the agency. The president hadn’t said it that bluntly, but he had hinted towards it, and that was enough. Tegoshi felt twisted; he loved Masuda more than anything else, but he also loved his job. And Ryo had promised to try to convince the president that there could be a solution that suited both parts. Therefore Tegoshi hadn’t made a decision yet, and with all the time he had to think, he began to feel more and more confused.
Tegoshi flinched when he heard the doorbell ring, but he didn’t care enough to go and open. If it was an important person, they would have a key anyway. When the lock clicked and the door opened, he didn’t even check who it was. Footsteps started to make their way toward the couch where he was lying, and Ryo’s face soon made it into his vision.
“It was long since I saw you this down.”
Tegoshi sighed and avoided the older man’s gaze. “What did you expect?”
Ryo didn’t answer. “I brought you dinner.”
“Thanks, but…I’m not that hungry.”
Ryo hit his head lightly. “Eat it. Being too slim isn’t hot at all you know.”
Tegoshi pouted. “So?”
Ryo smirked. “Don’t play dumb. I know that you want to look hot when you’re having a nice time in the bedroom with Masuda.”
Tegoshi didn’t know what to answer, because he surely didn’t have an argument to put up against that. But just thinking about it made him feel somehow sad. “Not that it matters anymore.”
Ryo just snorted. “So you’re just going to give up, then? Are you going to follow the president’s words as if they were law, or what?” Tegoshi bit his lip and didn’t answer. Ryo sighed. “I thought you were strong enough to walk your own path, Tegoshi. Isn’t Masuda important to you?”
Tegoshi sat up and glared at Ryo. “He is.”
“Then why the hell are you lying here? Go see him, explain the situation. He deserves to know, and you’re well aware of it.”
Tegoshi lowered his gaze. “But…I’m not allowed to see him.”
Ryo sighed deeply. “Are you serious? Why do you even care about that? You always break the rules, and you always do things the way you want, so why can’t you do that this time? You are many things, Tegoshi, but you are not a chicken. I know that.”
Tegoshi looked up at Ryo and nodded slightly. “Maybe you’re right.”
“You know that I am. You have to do what feels right. And if you want to see Masuda, then that is what you have to do. He has given you happiness, right? Then you don’t have the right to abandon him like this.”
These words hit Tegoshi in the heart, because they were true. He didn’t have the right to do this to Masuda; to the only person who had accepted him fully. Masuda deserved an explanation at least, and an apology. Tegoshi felt how his heart got filled up with bad conscience, because he had been such an idiot. Why had he even lost himself just because the wind started to blow against him? It wasn’t like him to give up, Ryo was right about that. And it definitely wasn’t like him to obey rules that parted him from the most important person in his life, maybe forever. He was the type of person that fought to the bitter end, and he would do that this time too, for sure.
“You’re right. I…I’ve been a big, stupid moron.” Tegoshi sighed. “And Taka deserves to know what a stupid and reckless person I am…Even though I don’t want to tell him, I must.”
Ryo laughed lightly. “Do you really think it will be a surprise to him that you’re stupid and reckless? If he has been with you for this long, then he must be blind if he hasn’t noticed those qualities.”
Tegoshi couldn’t help but smile a little. “I guess so.”
Ryo met Tegoshi’s gaze, and his eyes showed a quite rare, kind expression. “I’m also sure that he won’t leave you because of this, if that’s what you’re scared of. If he really loves you, then he will stay by your side no matter what happens, surely.”
Tegoshi looked down at his hands that he held tangled in his lap and sighed slightly. “But maybe it would be best if he did forget about me…”
Tegoshi whimpered slightly when he felt Ryo slap his head quite hard. “Stop thinking like that. Bad confidence doesn’t suit you, and you have no reason to look down on yourself.” Tegoshi bit his lip and didn’t raise his gaze. “Masuda loves you. If he wouldn’t have wanted to be with you, then he would have dumped you a long time ago, but he hasn’t. He has shown that he loves you, now it’s you’re turn to prove the same to him.”
Ryo sighed when Tegoshi didn’t respond, and rose to leave. “But you’re free to do what you want; this is none of my business after all. But if you’re going to throw away a true love like this, then you have proven that you really are an idiot of the worst kind.”
Tegoshi felt how the tears started to burn in his eyes, and he bit his lip. Ryo’s words stung, badly. Tegoshi could hear how his manager sighed deeply before he started to make his way to the front door.
“We’re rehearsing at seven, don’t be late.”
When the door shut, the first tears escaped Tegoshi’s eyes, without even giving him the slightest chance to stop them. Ryo’s words were so true, and it stung to hear them. Why was he even here, and not by Masuda’s side right now? Why wasn’t he following his heart? Perhaps he wanted to cling on to a lifestyle that was glamorous like the one he was having; maybe he was too weak to leave a life like that. But on the other hand, what worth did a life like that have if he would live it in loneliness? Even though Tegoshi had all the luxury he could wish for, it hadn’t made him happy at all. But Masuda had, with just his mere presence. Could he leave a person like that? Tegoshi wiped the tears away with the back of his hand and stood up, feeling how a new flame was burning inside him. He had decided now; and it was his final decision. He put his boots on in a hurry and didn’t even care to put on his coat before he made his way out of the apartment, running down the stairs in a pace that in a normal situation would have been considered dangerous. But Tegoshi didn’t care the slightest; all that mattered to him was to see Masuda, as soon as possible. When he exited the apartment building he tried to catch a taxi, but no one stopped for him. There was only one option left then; so Tegoshi started to run as fast as he could in the direction of Masuda’s home. People stared at him, but Tegoshi barely noticed; all he could think of was Masuda, and that he didn’t ever wanted them to ever part again.
Masuda’s home wasn’t that far away from Tegoshi’s, but it felt like it took an eternity to get there. When Tegoshi finally could see the apartment building, he felt completely exhausted, and his legs felt like jelly. But he still didn’t stop running, not until he stood before Masuda’s front door. He hadn’t felt nervous before, but now the butterflies were going crazy inside his stomach, and he shivered. Maybe he was just scared; scared that Masuda would be mad at him and ask him to leave, forever. He took a deep, shuddering breath before pressing the doorbell, and he could hear Masuda’s steps hurrying towards the door almost immediately.
Masuda’s expression was surprised when he saw Tegoshi, almost a bit shocked, and even scared. Tegoshi couldn’t hold back, and he threw his arms around the older man, holding him as tight as he could. “Taka, I’m so sorry…” Tegoshi could hear how his own voice broke, but he didn’t care. “I’m so, so sorry...”
Masuda pulled back a bit and stared at the younger. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes expressed a certain sadness that Tegoshi hated to see. “Taka…what’s wrong?”
Masuda lowered his gaze, and Tegoshi noticed how his lower lip trembled a bit. “Have you been cheating on me?”
Tegoshi gasped and stared at Masuda with wide eyes. “Taka…”
“Have you?” Masuda tried to make his voice sound stern, but he didn’t quite manage to. Tegoshi cupped the older man’s cheek and shook his head.
“I haven’t.” Masuda didn’t say anything. “Taka, I promise! I…I may be an idiot, but I love you only.”
Masuda looked up and met Tegoshi’s gaze. “Why haven’t you come here then? Why have you come up with bad excuses every day and not come to see me, even though you promised?”
Tegoshi bit his lip. “I…well, someone has started some stupid rumour about me…no, about us. It is bad publicity, so the boss of my agency prohibited me from seeing you.”
Masuda was quiet for a while. “Why are you here then?”
Tegoshi laughed lightly. “Because I’m Han Solo. No one can order me around and expect me to do what they say.” He smiled sadly. “But this time…I had to be scolded to understand how I really feel.”
Masuda eyed him nervously and bit his lip. Tegoshi smiled and stoke his cheek. “I’ve made a decision, Taka. And no one can stop me this time.”
Masuda gazed at him, looking adorably confused. “What decision?”
Tegoshi smiled and placed his hands on Masuda’s shoulder’s before leaning in and kissing him softly. When they parted, Tegoshi embraced the older man and whispered in his ear. “I’ve chosen you. I’ve decided that no matter what happens, I will stay with you.”
Tegoshi smiled when he felt how Masuda’s arms made their way around his waist and caressed his back. “So, you’ll stay with me? Even though they say…that you have to quit your job or something?”
Tegoshi nodded. “Yes.” He could feel how wet drips landed on his shoulder, and could hear how the older sobbed quietly. “I thought you would leave me…”
Tegoshi shook his head and tightened his grip around the man. “I won’t. I’ve been thinking a lot these days, and I’ve understood that the most important thing in my life is you. That’s why I won’t leave you.” He took a short break. “But…I’m sorry that it took so long to tell you. I was so twisted, and…I didn’t know what to do.”
Tegoshi could feel how Masuda started to stroke his hair gently, and it made him feel relaxed and less worried. “The most important thing is that you did come back. I’m glad that you did take some time to think about your decision and didn’t do anything hasty. Now I can fully believe in your feelings, without doubting you the slightest.”
Tegoshi pulled back a bit and met Masuda’s gaze, and he could clearly see all the love and relief the older man felt in them. He smiled before leaning in and meeting Masuda’s lips; kissing him sweetly, and trying to express all of his overwhelming emotions. Tegoshi finally felt whole again; and he understood now that he would only ever feel like that in Masuda’s arms. He had made the right decision; that was more than clear now. He had never before felt this complete; and maybe he wouldn’t ever do that with someone else. What he and Masuda had was so special; and for the first time ever, Tegoshi actually believed that their feelings would last forever.
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Sorry that this chapter got so delayed >_< I’ve been awfully busy with school lately, that’s why I haven’t bee able to write. Sadly, this chapter doesn’t make up for the wait at all in my opinion…It was hard to write the last part, I’m hopeless at writing romance when I’m in a depressed mood.
The next chapter will be the last one! Hopefully it will be better than this was^^
Thanks for reading! Comments are always appreciated <333