If I could wish on a shooting star...(part 1)
I have written a new fic^^ I decided to try writing something else that Tegomass, so this time it's TegoPi^^ please read and comment^^
Title: If I could wish on a shooting star…
Author: Me^^
Pairing: TegoPi, mention of RyoPi
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Summary: Yamapi gets hurt by Ryo over and over, and every time he comes to Tegoshi for comfort.
Comments: This fic was just a way for me to deal with my own feelings, so I don’t know how it turned out…My first time writing TegoPi too^^
Anyway, please read^^ And comments will make my day^^
Tegoshi rushed to the door, the bell was ringing constantly. He opened the door, and the next second he felt how Yamapi embraced him tightly and hid his face in his shoulder. Yamapi was crying and sobbing and Tegoshi just held him tight.
“Tomo…what’s wrong? Did you fight with Ryo again?” Yamapi broke the hug, and wiped the tears that were still running down his cheeks. “Yes, we fought again. I don’t know what to do, we just fight all the time.” He hid his face in Tegoshi’s shoulder again, Tegoshi put his arms around him and caressed his back lightly. “Tomo…” He broke their hug and led Yamapi to the living room, they sat down on the couch and Tegoshi let Yamapi rest his head on his shoulder, tears running down his cheeks. “What did you fight about this time?”
Yamapi sobbed and wiped away a tear. “I barely know. He was mad when I got home, and I asked what was wrong and then we were screaming at each other again.”
Tegoshi hugged Yamapi again, he could feel that he needed it. It was a while since he had met him, he had been busy lately he had told Tegoshi. Tegoshi knew what busy meant. It meant that he was busy being with Ryo. Tegoshi remembered the old times, when Yamapi used to stay over at his place many times a week, and they went out shopping or just fooling around. That was before he had started to date Ryo. Yamapi didn’t need Tegoshi anymore, he had Ryo now. But Ryo was hurting him. Ryo made Yamapi break down, made him cry like this. They hadn’t always been like this, fighting all the time. When they first started dating each other, the never fought, they didn’t even argue about small things. What had happened? Why did Ryo start to hurt Yamapi like this?
“You have to talk to him. You can’t continue like this, you have to solve it.” Yamapi sobbed.
“I know…but not tonight…Tegoshi, please, can I stay at your place tonight?” Tegoshi knew he should say no. He knew that he hurt himself if he let Yamapi stay. But he couldn’t refuse him, not when he sat like that with tears running down his cheeks and his eyes full of pain.
“Yes, of course you can stay. You can sleep in my bed, I can sleep here at the couch.”
Yamapi looked at Tegoshi with pleading eyes. “Will you please make me company? I don’t want to sleep alone…” Tegoshi hesitated, but nodded after a while. “Sure”
Yamapi threw his arms around Tegoshi’s neck, hugging him tightly. “Thank you. You’re the best.”
They were soon lying side by side in Tegoshi’s bed. Yamapi fell asleep almost immediately, but Tegoshi was unable to sleep. He had been waiting for this, for Yamapi to come rushing to his place in need of comfort. It was always like that. When everything was fine between him and Ryo he didn’t have time for Tegoshi, but when they fought he always came to Tegoshi for comfort. Tegoshi got hurt by it, he never got to see Yamapi unless he and Ryo had fought. He always wished that Yamapi and Ryo would fight, because then he at least got to meet him. He felt really bad, thinking like that, but he couldn’t help it. He loved Yamapi. He had loved him for a long time, a lot longer than Ryo had. And he was always there for Yamapi, comforting him, making him feel better, lying by his side all night holding him tight. Ryo didn’t do this, and Yamapi still loved him more. Ryo hurt him, and Yamapi still wanted to be with him instead of Tegoshi.
Tegoshi could feel a tear escape his eye, but he was fast to wipe it away. The only wish he had was for Yamapi to love him too. It hurt so badly to lie here beside him, having the role of a living tissue that would be abandoned as fast at it wasn’t needed anymore. He couldn’t stand it, he got up from the bed and went to the bathroom. As fast as he had closed the door he sank down on the floor and started crying. He wrapped his arms around his knees and let the tears run down his cheeks freely. Why didn’t Yamapi want to be with him? Why was he only good as a substitute when things were bad with Ryo?
He didn’t know for how long he sat there, he had lost all track of time because of his sadness. He suddenly heard a light nock on the door.
“Tegoshi, is something wrong?” He sounded worried, and it made more tears escape Tegoshi’s eyes. He didn’t want to worry Yamapi. He had to convince him that nothing was wrong, he couldn’t be the one who needed comfort, he was the one who was supposed to be strong and comfort Yamapi.
“I have thrown up a couple of times, but I’m fine. Go to bed again, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“…okay. Are you sure you’re fine?”
“Yes, and it’s not like you can do anything anyway, so please go back to sleep. You need to gather energy for tomorrow, right?”
“I won’t be able to sleep, I’m so nervous for tomorrow…” Tegoshi had waited for this too.
“Do you want me to go back to sleep with you?” Yamapi was quiet for a while, probably being aware of how selfish he was being at the moment.
“…yes. Please come out, Tegoshi.” Tegoshi looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes was all red and puffy. He washed his face with some water and then got out. Yamapi hugged him tightly.
“I can’t do this without you, Tegoshi.” Tegoshi closed his eyes and held the tears that were burning behind his eyelids back.
****
Tegoshi couldn’t sleep at all the entire night. He was mad. Mad at Yamapi because he always went back to Ryo even thought he got hurt every time. Mad at him because he was so selfish and always depended on Tegoshi, but never prioritised him even thought Tegoshi was always there for him. And finally, he was mad at himself because he couldn’t say no to Yamapi, and therefore hurt himself.
It hurt. It hurt like hell to see the one he loved like this and then see him walk away to get hurt again. It hurt to not be able to help him. Or could he? Maybe he should talk to Yamapi, about Ryo, about everything. But there was a possibility that Yamapi wouldn’t listen to him, that he would blame himself and not want to understand that he couldn’t continue like this, that it would break him.
Tegoshi got up from bed earlier than Yamapi and started to make breakfast. He still hadn’t decided on what to do. He knew that he couldn’t handle this much longer. He had to think about himself this time, he couldn’t sacrifice himself for Yamapi. He felt how he was falling apart. He was so concerned about Yamapi, and got so hurt by him that he became depressed. He would break apart every time Yamapi rejected the offer to see him. He didn’t want to be a trash bin that never got to see the happy Yamapi, only the sad one. Suddenly he could feel a hand on his shoulder.
“Are you making breakfast?” Tegoshi looked up and saw Yamapi’s smiling face. He looked happier today, even thought he was a bit dark under his eyes because of yesterday’s crying.
“Are you feeling better?” Tegoshi forced a smile on his face. Yampi nodded.
“I do. I’m going to talk to him, and everything will get solved.”
Tegoshi sighed. “You shouldn’t go back to him.” Yamapi’s eyes widened.
“What are you talking abut?”
“He will hurt you again. Just like all the other times!”
“Tegoshi…” Yamapi’s eyes were filled with sadness, but Tegoshi didn’t care. He couldn’t stand this anymore. “You will be fine a couple of weeks, maybe a month. But then you will fight again and you will come to me, weeping and in need of comfort. Am I only good enough when you’re sad and need someone to hold you?”
Yamapi avoided his gaze. “Tegoshi, it’s not like that…it’s…” He looked down on the floor. Tegoshi took a deep breath.
“Why are you going back to him when he only hurts you?” Yamapi looked up and met Tegoshi’s gaze. His eyes were serious. “I love him, Tegoshi. That’s why.”
Tegoshi fought the tears, and he heard his own voice cracking. “Why do you love him so much even thought he hurts you? He is the one who makes you cry like this!”
Yamapi sighed. “He loves me Tegoshi. And the fault is mine also. He loves me, and therefore I can’t just leave him.”
Tegoshi felt how the tears made their way down his cheeks. “I love you too, but you are still leaving me!” Yamapi’s mouth went open. “What…?”
“I love you, Yamashita Tomohisa! Haven’t you recognized it?” The last came out only as a whisper, but Tegoshi could see that Yamapi heard it.
“Tegoshi…are you serious?” Tegoshi became mad. He grabbed Yamapi’s neck and kissed him with all his might. When he broke the kiss, he looked Yamapi deep in the eyes.
“Are you dense? Why the hell would I joke about something like this?”
Yamapi didn’t say a word. He just looked at Tegoshi with widened eyes. Tegoshi recognized something in Yamapi’s eyes. Something that was soon going to break his heart.
“Tegoshi…I’m so sorry for not recognizing your feelings. I am very happy that you love me, but I…I can’t be with you.”
Even thought Tegoshi had waited to hear just those words, it hurt more then he could imagine. He burst into tears again, couldn’t stop himself. “Why do you still choose him even thought he hurts you so much?”
“Because I love him.”
“Why am not I enough?”
“I’m sorry Tegoshi.” Yamapi turned around and started to move towards the hallway. Tegoshi grabbed his arm. “Don’t leave me! Not again…” He cried loudly and was clinging on to Yamapi’s arm. “Please don’t go…”
Yamapi grabbed his shoulder and tried to make him let go of his arm. “Let go, Tegoshi! Stop being so selfish!” Yamapi sounded angry and Tegoshi let go of his arm. The tears ran freely down his cheeks. He heard how the door to his apartment was banging shut and he broke down, just lying on the floor, crying and shaking. Yamapi had left him, again. And this time, he wouldn’t come back.
Tegoshi didn’t know for how long he lied on the floor and just cried. It didn’t matter. The most important person in his life was gone. What did he have left to live for now? He rose and walked to the hallway. He grabbed his jacket and went out from his apartment. It was already dark outside, and it was cold mid- winter. Tegoshi shivered as he walked without a goal, trying to clear his head. Maybe he should just jump from a bridge, and end everything. He quickly shook the thought out of his head. He didn’t want to give up on his life yet. He wanted to live happily and find someone to love, someone that loved him back. But was there anyone beside Yamapi that he could love? He was scared to fall in love, to get hurt again. Would he be able to fall for someone who wouldn’t hurt him?
He wondered what he had done wrong to deserve this. He sighed and looked at the surroundings. He was all alone on a bridge. The stars were shining brightly, just like the city that surrounded him. He looked up at the sky and sighed. If he would see a shooting star he knew exactly what he would wish for. But he didn’t see one. Maybe he didn’t deserve a wish.
It was cold. He sighed and turned around to back to his apartment. He got surprised when he felt how someone embraced him from behind. He knew this embrace too well, he had been held by these arms countless of times. Tears found their way down his cheeks again. “Tomohisa…?”
****
Thanks for reading^^
I’m thinking of maybe writing a part two, but I don’t feel like it’s worth it if this one sucks…so, please leave a comment if you liked it^^