Back from vacation & random rant
I’ve been pretty busy lately, yesterday I came back from my vacation in Stockholm, and I barely had a free second over there except for sleeping time. It was a really lovely trip, I wish I could have stayed there.
To put it easily: I hate the town where I live. It’s boring, small, and nothing ever happens. People may call me blind to flaws, but after 18 years in this fucking city, I’ve had enough. I’ve always been a misfit, more or less and after returning from a city where I feel at home I understand how freaking much I hate this town I live in.
People don’t see this, that’s clear. People around me don’t understand that I feel really uncomfortable here and just think that I’m a city-brat. Sure, call me a brat, maybe that’s what I am. Just accept it and stop complaining. But that’s the worst part: that people can’t accept that I don’t like my surroundings. Sure, it may be a good town to live in if you like cows, trees and crocs (really ugly shoes, picture here), but that’s not what I want. I miss hearing the traffic outside my window; I miss all the stylish brats and the pace you can only find in a big city. But enough of this now. I will move there with my family in a year, when I graduate. Just one year left, then I’ll go to not come back. I look forward to that, more than anything.
But on to something better, because I did have a lovely trip after all ^.^
- The weather was awesome.
It was sunny and hot the entire time, that’s what I call summer! Everything just gets so much better when the weather is good ^.^
- City-brats
I love them. Totally my type of guy, I don’t think I saw a single guy wearing sweatpants 24/7 like they do here. And even better, quite many guys were looking at me ^.^ A guy working at a shop were even flirting with me! That’s never happened to me before, so it made me really happy ^.^
But that makes it even more depressing to go back home again, because you don’t find any “my-type-guys” here ;________;
- Traffic
Fore some reason, I love hearing it. It tells me that a city is alive, that people are awake and wants to go somewhere, even if it’s in the middle of the night. Silence kinda kills me sometimes XD
- Politeness
You won’t find it where I live. Here I barely get a “thank you, welcome back” when buying something from a shop, but the cashiers in Stockholm are so much nicer! I love this politeness, but the lack of it here is obvious.
- Pace
People in Stockholm are so much more effective, things go fast, they walk faster, and the service in the shops is faster and so on. This may sound a bit crazy, but I like that pace, because it’s the pace I have.
To put it shortly, I guess I am a city-brat after all. People may say what they want about it, It’s not like I can’t take enemies, I’ve been bullied since I was six, It’s not like I can’t handle people thinking I’m weird. But hey, there just a year left. I only have to survive one more year here, and then I’m free from school and can go wherever I want.
But to be honest, I feel kind of lonely sometimes. I’ve never had many friends, I don’t say that I’ve always been a sad and lonely kid, but I’ve never had friends whom I’ve felt completely at ease with. There’s a girl I used to be close to, but now I haven’t been able to meet her for a long time. I know that she’s sick and don’t have much energy, but I know that she meets her other friends, but not me. I shouldn’t complain about this, she isn’t well after all, but she has promised me so many times that she could see me and then just called it off. It makes me sad, it makes me wonder what I’ve done wrong.
I may seem strong, I may seem to be a lone wolf, but the thing I hate most in the world is to be alone. But I guess, or more like hope, that things will get solved in the future, even though I don’t feel hopeful at all at the moment.
Last rant now, I promise.
I hate being in love, that one thing is for sure. There’s a guy I’ve liked for about three years now, and I decided to finally confess to him. All I have is his facebook, so I sent him a message there. I sent it two weeks ago, and he hasn’t answered. Maybe he’s confused, or maybe he hasn’t even read it, I don’t know. But a simple, short reply would have made me feel so much better, now I just feel like a bother that he just wants to ignore. Not that it would make any difference, he has ditched me for two and a half year already.
Okay, now I’m done. Too much rant at one time, but it makes me feel better to just get it out. I’ll try to be happier tomorrow, I’ll try to find things that make me happy. Clothes make me happy. I like to make myself look pretty(er); even though no one cares it makes me happy to be proud of the person I see in the mirror.
I can listen to tegomass too, these boys never fail to make me smile. And Nishino Kana, I’m addicted to her lately <3 And of course Ayumi Hamasaki! Her latest single is awesome, the PV too, she always put me in a good mood.
I already feel a bit better after complaining a bit. If you read through all this, thank you <3