Courage (Chapter 3/3)
Title: Courage (Chapter 3)
Pairing: Ryo/Shige
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance
Summary: Ryo and Shige have always been awkward when being alone together, but Ryo have never understood why. When he gets the reason, how will he react to it, and how will he act towards Shige?
Comments: My first time writing Nishikato^^ English is my second language, I’m still learning. Comments are love <333
Chapter 1 Chapter 2
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Just give me some time. Ryo had indeed said that, and he surely needed some time to think about what to do about his and Shige’s relation. But what he was doing at the moment was completely different. To avoid Shige was just natural to be able to relax and sort his own feeling out, but he was doing something completely different. He was totally ditching Shige, shutting him out from his mind, barely even looking at him. And he didn’t really think about the things he had promised either, he suppressed them in the depth of his heart instead, not having the strength or will-power to deal with them. It had been okay for a couple of days, he had been telling himself that he could deal with them later on, that he would be able to think about them better then. Instead, he got more and more frightened of them, even more unsure about what to do, and now he ditched it completely, acted as if nothing had ever happened between him and Shige. He hated himself for it, hated himself for being so weak. He suffered himself, even though he managed to hide it, and he didn’t even want to know how much he was hurting Shige. He had given Shige hope, hope that he would be able to be with the one he loved. Now he was slowly crushing his heart instead of being by his side and bringing him happiness. Ryo felt like such a coward, a selfish one at that. He was s coward for being too weak to face the things that were against him if he was with Shige, and he was s coward for just trying to suppress the problem instead of facing it like a man.
****
One week had passed now, and Ryo still hadn’t had any contact whatsoever with Shige. It was just from Ryo’s part though, Shige had done his best to try to bring up some kind of contact with Ryo. Ryo did his best to ignore the glances and words he got from Shige every day by just pretending that he didn’t see or hear them. He though that Shige was eventually going to give up as well, but the same night, Shige left a voice-message at Ryo’s cell phone, asking, no, begging Ryo to talk to him. Hearing Shige’s voice expressing so much pain became too much for Ryo, and he cried himself to sleep that night, not knowing that Shige was dong the exactly same thing.
Shige was probably expecting some sort of response to his message the next day, but Ryo continued to avoid him. The well-known feeling of an annoying headache was making him moody, and he went to the dressing-room to be a bit by himself, something that was well needed. He fell down on a couch and sighed deeply, whispering ‘you’re so stupid’ to himself.
“You’re right.”
Ryo got really startled by the sudden voice, he hadn’t noticed that someone had made him company. His heart started to beat faster when he heard that voice, it belonged to the person he really didn’t want to be alone with at the moment. He turned his head to see Shige, sitting a bit away from him, staring at the floor in front of him.
“If you don’t want to continue this, then you could have told me so instead of totally ignoring my existence.”
Ryo didn’t know what to say, he sat up and glanced at Shige. “I’m sorry…I know that it’s wrong of me, that I should have talked to you, but I’m…I’m so confused.”
Shige sighed deeply. “So…that time, were you just pretending? Did you do it just because it felt right?”
Ryo was quiet for a long time. “I was with you because I like you, I really do. It’ just that…”
“You’re scared? Scared of what your family and friends will say? Scared of how society will look at you?”
Shige’s voice expressed anger, anger and disappointment. Ryo took a deep breath. “I guess.”
Shige stood up and Ryo could feel his gaze pierce through him. “Then tell me that! Don’t sneak away just because you’re a coward, just because you don’t have the guts to tell me face to face!”
Ryo stared at his knees, he didn’t want to look at Shige, he didn’t want to see all the pain he had caused. “I didn’t want to hurt you…”
“Well, you haven’t succeeded in that, you know.”
Ryo gathered all of his strength and looked up at Shige, saw the wetness in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Shige turned his back towards Ryo. “I was serious, you know. I really love you, but it’s obvious that it’s not mutual.”
Shige disappeared through the door, and Ryo could feel the tears starting to fall from his eyes. This was it then. He had ruined something that could have become beautiful and bring both him and Shige happiness. He had destroyed it just because he was such a coward who couldn’t face a problem. Ryo leaned his head backward and let the tears fall freely down his cheeks. This was it.
****
Things went surprisingly smoothly after the talk Ryo and Shige had gone through. They went back to their normal relation, acted like nothing unusual had ever happened between them. It went smoothly on the surface, but Ryo was well aware that he would never be able to look at Shige like before. The reason was that he didn’t feel the same things for Shige now as he had done before, he just couldn’t go back and see him as only a co-worker anymore. He understood now how much he had come to like Shige, but now it was too late. It was obvious that Shige wouldn’t trust him again, and Ryo would be surprised if Shige would ever give him a second change even if he begged for one. And really, he deserved it. He deserved to suffer after what he had done to Shige. He must have felt so tricked, his heart must have totally broken when Ryo had suddenly left him and then just ditched him. Ryo had been too late to realize that Shige would be worth the fight against the society’s valuation. It was too late now, but Ryo’s heart still longed for Shige and there was no way to stop it.
Almost one month had passed now, and Ryo tried to tell himself that he was totally over Shige at this point. He tried to convince himself that he didn’t have any feelings whatsoever for Shige, and therefore didn’t have to be sad about how things had turned out. But it didn’t matter how much he tried to deny it, how much he tried to convince himself, he couldn’t do anything about his growing feelings for Shige. What he had presumed was something close to love had actually grown into really strong feelings. Feelings too strong for Ryo to deny. He didn’t want to leave it like this, he and Shige could still be something, and it was up to Shige if he wanted to give Ryo a second chance. Ryo decided to take a chance and try his luck, he had nothing to lose after all.
Late that night, Ryo walked towards Shige’s apartment with hesitating steps, feeling sick of nervousness. The thought of backing out hit him many times, but he scolded himself every time. He wouldn’t be such a coward anymore. His hands were shaking when he pressed the doorbell, and his mouth was all dry. He thought he was going to faint any second, to just stand there and wait for Shige to open was like torture. Ryo’s heart skipped over a beat when he saw the door open and met Shige’s eyes that widened in surprise as fast as he saw Ryo. Ryo suddenly got stunned, it was like he had lost his capacity of talking, he couldn’t say a word.
“Nishikido-kun…what are you doing here?”
Ryo swallowed. This seemed to be harder that he had imagined it to be. “I…I need to talk to you.”
Shige’s eyes widened a bit. “Come on in.” He stepped aside, and Ryo walked into his apartment. He didn’t really notice what Shige’s home looked like, he was too nervous, and just stared at Shige’s back while he guided him to the living room. Ryo sat down on the couch and followed Shige with his eyes. Shige sat down on the other end of the couch and eyed Ryo, eyes filled with a mix of curiosity and fear. “So…what did you want to talk about?”
Ryo met Shige’s eyes, tried to tell him his feelings just by a single look. “First of all…I’m sorry. For being such a coward, and for not even talking to you about my feelings.”
Shige didn’t say anything, and Ryo decided to continue. “I was confused about my feelings, and instead of trying to sort them out, I tried to deny them. I realized my true emotions when it was too late.”
Shige moved his gaze to the floor, fiddling with the end of his sleeves nervously. “So, what are your true emotions then?” Shige’s voice was trembling a bit, and Ryo took a deep breath to be able to keep his own voice steady.
“I love you.” Ryo gazed at Shige, who hadn’t moved his eyes from the floor yet. “I know that I shouldn’t come to you and say that now, after all the time that have passed, but I…I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know that I didn’t fake anything, my feelings was, and still are completely honest.”
Tears slowly started to fall from Shige’s eyes, and Ryo could hear a quiet sob. “I don’t know what I want to do…”
Ryo looked at Shige who stared at him as well. “I don’t know if I want to hug you, or beat you up because you’re so incredibly stupid.”
Ryo’s heart skipped a beat, and he felt how his mouth went open with surprise. “Wait…what do you mean?”
Shige made a grimace. “You really are stupid, did you know that?”
Ryo didn’t have time to react before he felt two arms wrap around him, holding him tightly.
“I’m so happy that you feel like this towards me, but don’t misunderstand. I’m still mad at you.”
Ryo wrapped his arms around Shige’s waist. “Are you ready to give me a second chance?”
He could feel Shige nod towards his shoulder, and smiled. “You won’t regret it.”
“That’s up to you, really. You better make the next few weeks amazing, otherwise I may dump you.”
Ryo loosened his grip around the other boy and looked at him with worried eyes. Shige just laughed. “Just kidding. I won’t say no if you really make them amazing though.”
Ryo smiled. “Do you forgive me?”
Shige met his gaze, eyes serious. “Not yet. I’m not able to trust you again just yet, but give it some time. And don’t leave me again.”
Ryo placed a soft kiss on Shige’s lips as if it would seal a promise. When breaking it, he just looked Shige deep in the eyes and smiled. “I won’t leave you again. I promise.”
Shige smiled, and embraced Ryo warmly again. “I’m glad you came back.”
Ryo ran his hands up and down Shige’s back, enjoying the closeness as much he could. “Me too.”
Shige laughed softly. “But I really wanted to beat you up when I saw you standing outside my door.”
“Well, I can actually understand that.”
Shige snuggled closer and sighed softly. “Therefore, you should really try to make it up to me now.”
Ryo laughed. “Starting from now?”
Shige nodded and pouted his lips. Ryo laughed lightly and placed a kiss on these soft lips he had missed so much. He would never let go of these important and special feelings again, because now he had fully understood how much they meant to him. He had been stupid, but he was glad that he had gathered the courage to talk to Shige. Now he would never let go of him again.
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I said that I was going to finish this chapter faster than he previous…but I failed XD Sorry~
Anyway, this is the last chapter^^ Hope you liked it, I found it very hard to write, but I did my best to finish it as fast as possible^^
Thanks for reading <333 I hope you enjoyed the story^^ Comments are love~~~<3333