So many endings
I'm so full of different thoughts/emotions right now. The things I've been trying to repress all quarter are rearing their ugly little heads.
Yesterday was my last day as a student. My last class was great, with Professor Toyota giving an inspirational speech about how as anthropologists we have a responsibility to make positive social change. It was a really nice way to end...like a "go out into the world and do good" kind of feeling.
Last Tuesday was my last meeting of Hapa Club, and this Tuesday was our end of the year BBQ. At both I felt a mix of emotions...sadness that this wonderful experience that grounded me here at UCLA is over...sad that I won't be able to see how much the club will grow next year...but at the same time I felt so much pride and happiness at what was accomplished this year. We revived the club this year, took it to a new level, and just seeing how close everyone is now makes me swell with the pride of a job well done: all I wanted to do was build a tight knit community, and it happened. The people in Hapa Club are so amazing and I've met my best friends through it. In Hapa Club, we can freely talk about things to people who will understand where we're coming from...and oddly enough, even though we talk about race and identity every week, when I'm hanging out with them, I never feel different, I never have to explain what I am, I don't have to make a conscious decision as to how I'm supposed to act, I can just be myself. I made a little speech at the last meeting and almost started crying when I talked about how much the club has meant to me the past two years...and then Dalynna started crying haha and then I had to stop or else I would cry some more.
Last night my experience at the Daily Bruin also ended. We had FOUR parties haha. It was so crazy, 3 people ended up going to the hospital before we even made it to the banquet. We blocked off the entire corner of Strathmore and Gayley with 3 fireengines, 4 cop cars, and 2 ambulances. Then the editor in chief locked herself in her car and cried. soooo much drama haha. The banquet was kinda meh but it was nice to see everyone together once again and outside of the office. I ended up bonding a lot with the other DBTVers, which is sad because I won't get to be here to work with them again and see all the amazing things they're sure to do in the years to come.
I felt so honored and flattered when the copy editors came up and told me that they voted for me for best DBTV reporter and told their entire section to vote for me too. They are the toughest to please, the most skeptical and the most critical of everyone's work at the Daily Bruin. I had no idea that they even saw my stuff, but apparently they did and liked it. Even though I didn't win the award, I felt like I had...and I feel like my work wasn't all in vain, that people actually heard the stories I was trying to tell, and hopefully my messages got across too. Later that night I found out that I was next in line to be promoted, but a mixture of bad timing and the fact I was graduating kept it from happening. That made me feel a LOT better because I was really resentful for the lack of recognition for what I was doing just because a lot of what I did for a while was behind the scenes work.
I'm really going to miss being able to do the things that I did with DBTV. I've had so many crazy/wonderful experiences with it, and I loved the opportunity to try and make positive social change through story telling. I'm also going to miss working with everyone, for despite the high stress and long hours, I had a lot of fun. I made really good friends there too, and I'm definitely going to miss everyone.
a lot.
Yesterday was my last day as a student. My last class was great, with Professor Toyota giving an inspirational speech about how as anthropologists we have a responsibility to make positive social change. It was a really nice way to end...like a "go out into the world and do good" kind of feeling.
Last Tuesday was my last meeting of Hapa Club, and this Tuesday was our end of the year BBQ. At both I felt a mix of emotions...sadness that this wonderful experience that grounded me here at UCLA is over...sad that I won't be able to see how much the club will grow next year...but at the same time I felt so much pride and happiness at what was accomplished this year. We revived the club this year, took it to a new level, and just seeing how close everyone is now makes me swell with the pride of a job well done: all I wanted to do was build a tight knit community, and it happened. The people in Hapa Club are so amazing and I've met my best friends through it. In Hapa Club, we can freely talk about things to people who will understand where we're coming from...and oddly enough, even though we talk about race and identity every week, when I'm hanging out with them, I never feel different, I never have to explain what I am, I don't have to make a conscious decision as to how I'm supposed to act, I can just be myself. I made a little speech at the last meeting and almost started crying when I talked about how much the club has meant to me the past two years...and then Dalynna started crying haha and then I had to stop or else I would cry some more.
Last night my experience at the Daily Bruin also ended. We had FOUR parties haha. It was so crazy, 3 people ended up going to the hospital before we even made it to the banquet. We blocked off the entire corner of Strathmore and Gayley with 3 fireengines, 4 cop cars, and 2 ambulances. Then the editor in chief locked herself in her car and cried. soooo much drama haha. The banquet was kinda meh but it was nice to see everyone together once again and outside of the office. I ended up bonding a lot with the other DBTVers, which is sad because I won't get to be here to work with them again and see all the amazing things they're sure to do in the years to come.
I felt so honored and flattered when the copy editors came up and told me that they voted for me for best DBTV reporter and told their entire section to vote for me too. They are the toughest to please, the most skeptical and the most critical of everyone's work at the Daily Bruin. I had no idea that they even saw my stuff, but apparently they did and liked it. Even though I didn't win the award, I felt like I had...and I feel like my work wasn't all in vain, that people actually heard the stories I was trying to tell, and hopefully my messages got across too. Later that night I found out that I was next in line to be promoted, but a mixture of bad timing and the fact I was graduating kept it from happening. That made me feel a LOT better because I was really resentful for the lack of recognition for what I was doing just because a lot of what I did for a while was behind the scenes work.
I'm really going to miss being able to do the things that I did with DBTV. I've had so many crazy/wonderful experiences with it, and I loved the opportunity to try and make positive social change through story telling. I'm also going to miss working with everyone, for despite the high stress and long hours, I had a lot of fun. I made really good friends there too, and I'm definitely going to miss everyone.
a lot.