Mom
Gah! Why do I let myself get so upset? With my mom that is. I respect her so much and she has made so many good choices in life. She's like Mrs. Perfect. The perfect mom. The perfect Grandma. Has the perfect house. You know, does it all just right. Well I'm not her and I never will be and it seems like I can't even measure up. I feel like in many ways I disappoint her.
I made several mistakes when I was in my early 20s with money. She and my dad helped my pay off my credit cards, I was paying them back and then got myself into trouble again and had to go into credit counseling. This time it was 3x as bad as the first. Well, that was about 6 years ago and I'm almost done paying them off. I have about 3 more months of payments and they're done. And I'm so proud of what I've accomplished because it has been a struggle and I did it rather than filing bankruptcy. Well, instead of feeling proud of me, I feel like everybody (read my mom & dad) looks down at me for getting into that situation in the first place.
DH & I have made bad decisions with cars and have had 2 car payments continuously for the last 7 1/2 years. He just got another one and I was planning on keeping mine and I only had 2 years to go on it. Well, with baby #3 on the way, I can't keep it because I can't fit 3 carseats in the back. So we've been looking for something else and I found a used Ford Expedition for a pretty good price. Well we're also in the midst of trying to build a house but the only way we can afford it is to not have the car payments. My Grandpa is giving us the land to build on and we were going to use the equity in that to finance the cars in with the house. I know, its not the best plan but its the ONLY way we can afford the house. $850 in car payments will kill ya. So we've done the numbers and the new car will add about $10,000 more to the house. That amound added to the house payment will be very little each month. Well, of course mom has to make the shitty comment today "Are you sure you can afford a new car AND a house?" I snapped back, "Well, mom, I really don't have a choice now do I? I didn't want to get pregnant, I didn't plan to get pregnant, but I am and now I have to make the best of it. I'm not stupid you know. I've made some stupid mistakes in the past, but I know how much I can and can't afford. I've learned a lot from my past mistakes."
So it just hurts. You always want your mom's approval or at least understanding. I was afraid to tell her I was pregnant because of her reaction. I won't tell her how we'll afford the house, because I don't want her to poopoo me and tell me its a bad idea. DH and I considered a mobile home because we might be able to afford it a little easier, but oh that was like the end of the world to her. I'm crying. I hurt. I love my mom, and I know she loves me, but I wish she didn't think so poorly of me.
I graduated from college. I have a bachelor's degree. I have a full time job making a good chunk of money. I work on ebay and supplement that income a lot. I'm sorry I made some bad choices. I'm sorry I didn't marry a DH that makes as much money as me (not totally, but you know thats what she's thinking). I'm sorry I have to make car payments. I'm sorry I didn't buy a house before the went up 2 1/2x what they were. Yeah in less than a year the dinky house we're in (my grandparents own it and thats a whole 'nother thing I'm doing wrong) went from being worth $85,000 to $200,000+.
Gahhhhhhhhh I just want to scream. I'm trying. I'm trying so damn hard. And it just hurts.
I made several mistakes when I was in my early 20s with money. She and my dad helped my pay off my credit cards, I was paying them back and then got myself into trouble again and had to go into credit counseling. This time it was 3x as bad as the first. Well, that was about 6 years ago and I'm almost done paying them off. I have about 3 more months of payments and they're done. And I'm so proud of what I've accomplished because it has been a struggle and I did it rather than filing bankruptcy. Well, instead of feeling proud of me, I feel like everybody (read my mom & dad) looks down at me for getting into that situation in the first place.
DH & I have made bad decisions with cars and have had 2 car payments continuously for the last 7 1/2 years. He just got another one and I was planning on keeping mine and I only had 2 years to go on it. Well, with baby #3 on the way, I can't keep it because I can't fit 3 carseats in the back. So we've been looking for something else and I found a used Ford Expedition for a pretty good price. Well we're also in the midst of trying to build a house but the only way we can afford it is to not have the car payments. My Grandpa is giving us the land to build on and we were going to use the equity in that to finance the cars in with the house. I know, its not the best plan but its the ONLY way we can afford the house. $850 in car payments will kill ya. So we've done the numbers and the new car will add about $10,000 more to the house. That amound added to the house payment will be very little each month. Well, of course mom has to make the shitty comment today "Are you sure you can afford a new car AND a house?" I snapped back, "Well, mom, I really don't have a choice now do I? I didn't want to get pregnant, I didn't plan to get pregnant, but I am and now I have to make the best of it. I'm not stupid you know. I've made some stupid mistakes in the past, but I know how much I can and can't afford. I've learned a lot from my past mistakes."
So it just hurts. You always want your mom's approval or at least understanding. I was afraid to tell her I was pregnant because of her reaction. I won't tell her how we'll afford the house, because I don't want her to poopoo me and tell me its a bad idea. DH and I considered a mobile home because we might be able to afford it a little easier, but oh that was like the end of the world to her. I'm crying. I hurt. I love my mom, and I know she loves me, but I wish she didn't think so poorly of me.
I graduated from college. I have a bachelor's degree. I have a full time job making a good chunk of money. I work on ebay and supplement that income a lot. I'm sorry I made some bad choices. I'm sorry I didn't marry a DH that makes as much money as me (not totally, but you know thats what she's thinking). I'm sorry I have to make car payments. I'm sorry I didn't buy a house before the went up 2 1/2x what they were. Yeah in less than a year the dinky house we're in (my grandparents own it and thats a whole 'nother thing I'm doing wrong) went from being worth $85,000 to $200,000+.
Gahhhhhhhhh I just want to scream. I'm trying. I'm trying so damn hard. And it just hurts.