Caught off guard
As I write the heading in the subject section I realize that I am rarely caught off guard. I suppose it is my inner control freak that puts up the walls of anticipation and appropriate reaction.
The other night, the kids were in bed and my hubby and I cuddled on the couch to watch a movie. Bill made the choice of wanting to watch The Time Traveler's Wife, based on the novel of the same name. I have not read the book nor did I have an inkling as to what the movie was about.
So here is a semi-spoiler alert based on one aspect of the movie:
The Wife has two miscarriages. And because her husband cannot control his time traveling he is not present with the first miscarriage.
I was anticipating a love story that would dove tail into love making later on that night, but instead as this film unfolded I felt the walls of control begin to build and I withdrew.
Bill is not an idiot and knew that I was feeling a bit off kilter.
As we went upstairs I put on my flannels, the international sign for Don't Touch Me, and excused myself to finish something downstairs. Thankfully he was tired himself and just said, "ok" as I walked away.
I made it to the bottom of the stair case where I collapsed and just cried. I haven't done that for so long. I wasn't even crying for Mychaela, she is a different story, I was crying for my first two miscarriages. Remembering what it was like when my husband was away camping, I sitting reading my newly purchased name book in Barnes and Nobles when the bleeding started. Remembering the deep sorrow of a dream leaving my body.
I suppose there are those unexpected moments in life where I am caught off guard and there is no wall to stop the flood of emotion and falling tears.
The other night, the kids were in bed and my hubby and I cuddled on the couch to watch a movie. Bill made the choice of wanting to watch The Time Traveler's Wife, based on the novel of the same name. I have not read the book nor did I have an inkling as to what the movie was about.
So here is a semi-spoiler alert based on one aspect of the movie:
The Wife has two miscarriages. And because her husband cannot control his time traveling he is not present with the first miscarriage.
I was anticipating a love story that would dove tail into love making later on that night, but instead as this film unfolded I felt the walls of control begin to build and I withdrew.
Bill is not an idiot and knew that I was feeling a bit off kilter.
As we went upstairs I put on my flannels, the international sign for Don't Touch Me, and excused myself to finish something downstairs. Thankfully he was tired himself and just said, "ok" as I walked away.
I made it to the bottom of the stair case where I collapsed and just cried. I haven't done that for so long. I wasn't even crying for Mychaela, she is a different story, I was crying for my first two miscarriages. Remembering what it was like when my husband was away camping, I sitting reading my newly purchased name book in Barnes and Nobles when the bleeding started. Remembering the deep sorrow of a dream leaving my body.
I suppose there are those unexpected moments in life where I am caught off guard and there is no wall to stop the flood of emotion and falling tears.