(no subject)
For the rest of my duration here at Coastal Carolina University, I swear that I will NEVER again will get a gynecological exam at the student health center. I am like seriously emotional freaked out. I told the lady that I was a virgin therefore I'm not used to having things stuck inside of me. And every time I tried to get an exam in the past I had a freak out. She didn't put any gel on her gloves no warning no nothing she just jamed her fingers inside and I went nuts. I would rather go out and get tattoos all over my body before I ever go through that again. I started screaming and crying and she looks at me and goes "Oh...that hurts?" No lady I'm here screaming OW because this is an enjoyable experience. Good God that was the worst pain of my life. I don't care if I have to adopt my 4 kids and die of like ovarian cancer I cannot go through that again. So we didn't go through with the exam once again because Becca's a baby and can't handle pain. When I finally got dressed and everything she goes "Are you sure you never had like a bad sexual experience before or were you ever molested?" Can't it just fucking hurt?! I don't even use tampons I literally have never had anything stuck inside of me yet and she wonders why it hurts?? Not to mention she wasn't exactly gentle. That was the worst experience in my entire life. I hate being a woman hate hate hate HATE it. And she put me on birth control why I have no idea but whatever works. So now I'm on yasmin and if this pill makes me gain weight like the others, I swear i'm off it. I worked way too hard loosing 30 lbs last year I do not need to gain it back. I just I hate going through this. Everytime I think I can make it, I end up going bezerk. It's embaressing. Every other woman can get a vaginal exam but me. They may not enjoy it but they can get through it. Me I can't even go through with it. I burst into tears and start screaming...what the hell is wrong with me?? Oh yeah and the last suggestion she gave me, was that when I go back home I should make a gynecologist appointment and see if they can knock me out or give me a sedative or something. That would be freaking amazing