Its about time
Wow so much has went on as of late you dont even know. i want to get it off my chest but then again i just want to keep it bottled up sothat no one knoews my whole life. some things have changed i my life some for the better and some for the worse. i have had a sore throat for the past 3 or so weeks and lately all i want to do is sleep. it maybe because i have been getting very little sleep by going to bed late and getting up early. or it could just be that because i am sick. i took 2 of my post office tests which were kind of easier than expected. i wont know those results until like november. there is someone in my life that has made me a very happy person as of late and i appreciate that. at times like now for instance i get very pissed off because of things that are said and done and they we act towards each other. i am just too nice of a person and needto i guess listen to others sometimes but i am too stubborn to see things for myself and i ignore them all when i know that i really should listen to them. last night was a great example of that too. got into an arguement on sunday night over something in my opionion was stupid, didnt talk all day monday or yesterday until i was advised to just call so i would feel better and not let it bother me ne more. so i called and we talked and was agreed id come over later. later came and no call to come over. i called and was kind of treated like shit was told that they were playing a game and then was going to bed. why the fuck would u invite me over if u didnt ruely want me over. i am fucking sick god damn it. i could have gotten my sleep and shit instead of thinking im coming over to talk thing out between us. maybe it was a bad idea to let my friend talk me into calling you. maybe i would have been better off by just ignoring and shit. since apparently you dont care to want to talk to me or work things out. hell i have done so very stupid thigs for you lately too. things i should have known better not to do but i did them anyway. just for you to turn around and be a dick to me. i have never done anything wrong to you. i hate beig mad at people! but at this point in time i hae to be mad at you so you dont walk all over me even thought you have already done that so far. i just want to cry because i let my life get so fucked up with you in. dont get me wrong i have been so happy and have enjoyed most ofour time together but i cant keep putting myself thru this shit. it hurts too bad. i think i will call you or txt you later to see what the fucking deal is about last night and then go from there. i may just have to walk away from all this mess as bad as it will hurt me to do it just so i can get my life back on track. when it seems like i am taking 1 step forward i end up taking 2 steps back. holy shit this is along entry and i havent even begin to touch on some of the topics in my life right now. but by starting to get that off my chest it makes me feel a little bit better. but then since i cant talk to you right now since you are sleeping, i feel like shit. i just want things resolved, whether you want to continue to talk and be friends and shit or if you just dont ever want to tal again. i just want to know. well that is it for now. i am off to try and get some more rest for school later then i possibly might go to the bowling alley to see pam and Jimmy and everyone since my night class got cancelled. i do wish that i could talk to you and be with you tonight but i jsut dont know. well im off. it was very good getting part of that off my chest. now all my friends arent truely bothered with me and the situation.