sometimes
sometimes i feel like the worst mother and wife! like maybe i should quit and find a new job! i love my life and my job but sometimes i just suck at it! i feel like i could be doing so much more with my kids and teaching them so much more, but lately my body is so tired! i don't understand it. i don't have much energy or spirit to do anything. we've been back from vacation a week now and i'm finally got the suitcases put up, but i have laundry all over the house, clean and dirty unfolded and a big mess. i hate feeling like this! i hate having no energy! i hate that my house is a mess! i hate that i feel like my kids would do better if they were with someone else! i hate feeling like my husband thinks i'm lazy and a pig! i hate this all! i'm so lucky to be given the chance to stay home and raise my kids, but sometimes i feel steve could of done much better than me! i don't why all the sudden i'm feeling this way either. i don't know if it cause i'm tired or the fact that brianna has been feeling sick and been very grumpy today. or i'm just finally losing it! kayleigh now throws these fits that babies shouldn't know how to do yet. and i think maybe she's just not a happy baby and i screwed up with her already. i just want my family to be happy. i think brianna has been acting up cause maybe i don't pay enough attention to her. and then i get angry at her and that's wrong. i wish she was the sweet little girl she was before kayleigh was here. i know it's my fault. and that makes it worse. i wish kayleigh would take a bottle so i can leave her with someone and just me and brianna go do something together. i swear i would never treat her different or leave her out and i do. oh i don't know what the hell im writing anymore, maybe i just needed to write my feelings down and realize how shity of a mom i am to make me become a better one. i think i'm going to go and play with brianna while kayleigh is a sleep.