(no subject)
there is a cute little girl in the caf right now. her dad is holding her... he's kinda lanky.
i've had an interesting couple of days... most of which does not make too much sense to me but i am feeling incredibly raw and emotional which really sucks because i have finals to take and papers to write (which is why i will not care how many mistakes i *will*make in this short journal entry.)
this weekend, specifically saturday night, was a little troubling for me. i got ashamed about a situation that 1) i had no control over and 2) i have never really been ashmed about before. details are unimportant... what it all comes down to is that i got myself into an awkward social situation in which i felt a little pained by the topic of conversation. in my brilliant wisdom (which i associate to my lack of sleep and use of things that can affect the mind) i ended up blurting some personal information that left me feeling quite vunerable. i typically have no qualms talking about my personal history - it is my badge of honor - but i walked out that night with complete and utter saddness in my heart. i felt, for the first time in a long, long time, like damaged goods - i felt ashamed of myself. needless to say i didn't sleep very well that night and that pretty much has left me feeling pretty screwy.
top that off with the news that your aunt has died on a day that you really, really sucked at translating hebrew on a midterms while running on coffee and little sleep and what you get is a very, very broken geila.
so, i went to bed last night and got some sleep (with some help because i wouldn't have slept otherwise) and woke up this morning pushing myself to feel relaxed. i will get it all done, maybe not perfectly and maybe not with the grades i though i would have... but it iwll be okay.
today my heart is big and sore... it's trying to push right through my skin... won't see you anymore... i guess that's finally sinking in....
i've had an interesting couple of days... most of which does not make too much sense to me but i am feeling incredibly raw and emotional which really sucks because i have finals to take and papers to write (which is why i will not care how many mistakes i *will*make in this short journal entry.)
this weekend, specifically saturday night, was a little troubling for me. i got ashamed about a situation that 1) i had no control over and 2) i have never really been ashmed about before. details are unimportant... what it all comes down to is that i got myself into an awkward social situation in which i felt a little pained by the topic of conversation. in my brilliant wisdom (which i associate to my lack of sleep and use of things that can affect the mind) i ended up blurting some personal information that left me feeling quite vunerable. i typically have no qualms talking about my personal history - it is my badge of honor - but i walked out that night with complete and utter saddness in my heart. i felt, for the first time in a long, long time, like damaged goods - i felt ashamed of myself. needless to say i didn't sleep very well that night and that pretty much has left me feeling pretty screwy.
top that off with the news that your aunt has died on a day that you really, really sucked at translating hebrew on a midterms while running on coffee and little sleep and what you get is a very, very broken geila.
so, i went to bed last night and got some sleep (with some help because i wouldn't have slept otherwise) and woke up this morning pushing myself to feel relaxed. i will get it all done, maybe not perfectly and maybe not with the grades i though i would have... but it iwll be okay.
today my heart is big and sore... it's trying to push right through my skin... won't see you anymore... i guess that's finally sinking in....