(no subject)
haha!!
exam numero uno! done!
yessire folks... my first old testament final is over! THANK YOU YHWH!! now only two left to go... dear hebrew and darling church history. i will not, in the future, be taking a language during the year it will be summer sessions from here on out! (and considering all that is left is greek it won't matter much so... yeah.)
i thought about jeremiah a little this morning while i studied... friend, you've known me long enough to know that i love jeremiah.. he's by far my favorite of the prophets. he's probably also one of the more emotionally bruised (i don't want to say disturbed.. it's disturbing) of the prophets as well. he experienced so much more troubles with exile and being alone and really feeling cast out... and even though id on't really feel like *that* i do think that there are days i wonder, "what would you do if you lived like Jeremiah? what would you do if you were exiled and never got married and never had kids...?" honestly, it stumps me. i don't know what i would do if i was exiled from my beloveds or if i never get married and have kids. never having kids is more ok with me - i like other peoples kids enough. and not getting married will be fine... i mean, i don't think i'd like it much but i've got a great network of folks that love me and i've made it this far... who's to say i can't make it farther, eh? BUT!! if you throw all three of them together then suddenly it's like this unholy trio of nasty events. i think i would feel really lonely if i were jeremiah. no social network. no spouse. no kids. no nobody.
except God. ... that feels a little tricky to me.
lord, i am kind of tired and feel pulled in a thousand different directions... but i know that this is all for a good reason. true, i am not quite sure what that is just yet but i am trying to have faith. trying is the important word here. arrggh... there are momements, even here, that i question this whole mess. i wonder if christianity is right.... i wonder if i'm (and every other christian) is completley crazy and believe in something nutty. i get concerned that this is the biggest joke ever played on humanity and you're really just getting a good laugh out of us up there in heaven. or a good cry. sometimes i just doesn't make sense... i really wish it made more "sense" but sometimes.. it just feels like the world is broken beyond repair. and i wonder if this is it. ... the though is scary and at the same time reassuring. if this is all there is then at least i know what i am getting myself into... kind of. but at the same time there is just this deafening silence when it comes to hope. i can't deal with that.
oh but god - i know that you are there. i see my fingers scatterin across this keyboard and cannot help but feel like you are real. or my plants growning in the windowsil and know that you designed them each to be creatively different. there is peace in that. it's days like today that i miss my hammock. i want to just sit in it, wrapped up in a blanket, staring at the bare limbs and day dream all day long.
yeah... a good day dream would be nice. one where i just enjoy being a live and seek you out in the quiet spaces. where you find me and tickle my heart of hearts. yeah. you are a good God.
oh lord - today will you tickle my heart and lead me on a grand adventure - imaginary or real, your pick. amen.
exam numero uno! done!
yessire folks... my first old testament final is over! THANK YOU YHWH!! now only two left to go... dear hebrew and darling church history. i will not, in the future, be taking a language during the year it will be summer sessions from here on out! (and considering all that is left is greek it won't matter much so... yeah.)
i thought about jeremiah a little this morning while i studied... friend, you've known me long enough to know that i love jeremiah.. he's by far my favorite of the prophets. he's probably also one of the more emotionally bruised (i don't want to say disturbed.. it's disturbing) of the prophets as well. he experienced so much more troubles with exile and being alone and really feeling cast out... and even though id on't really feel like *that* i do think that there are days i wonder, "what would you do if you lived like Jeremiah? what would you do if you were exiled and never got married and never had kids...?" honestly, it stumps me. i don't know what i would do if i was exiled from my beloveds or if i never get married and have kids. never having kids is more ok with me - i like other peoples kids enough. and not getting married will be fine... i mean, i don't think i'd like it much but i've got a great network of folks that love me and i've made it this far... who's to say i can't make it farther, eh? BUT!! if you throw all three of them together then suddenly it's like this unholy trio of nasty events. i think i would feel really lonely if i were jeremiah. no social network. no spouse. no kids. no nobody.
except God. ... that feels a little tricky to me.
lord, i am kind of tired and feel pulled in a thousand different directions... but i know that this is all for a good reason. true, i am not quite sure what that is just yet but i am trying to have faith. trying is the important word here. arrggh... there are momements, even here, that i question this whole mess. i wonder if christianity is right.... i wonder if i'm (and every other christian) is completley crazy and believe in something nutty. i get concerned that this is the biggest joke ever played on humanity and you're really just getting a good laugh out of us up there in heaven. or a good cry. sometimes i just doesn't make sense... i really wish it made more "sense" but sometimes.. it just feels like the world is broken beyond repair. and i wonder if this is it. ... the though is scary and at the same time reassuring. if this is all there is then at least i know what i am getting myself into... kind of. but at the same time there is just this deafening silence when it comes to hope. i can't deal with that.
oh but god - i know that you are there. i see my fingers scatterin across this keyboard and cannot help but feel like you are real. or my plants growning in the windowsil and know that you designed them each to be creatively different. there is peace in that. it's days like today that i miss my hammock. i want to just sit in it, wrapped up in a blanket, staring at the bare limbs and day dream all day long.
yeah... a good day dream would be nice. one where i just enjoy being a live and seek you out in the quiet spaces. where you find me and tickle my heart of hearts. yeah. you are a good God.
oh lord - today will you tickle my heart and lead me on a grand adventure - imaginary or real, your pick. amen.