ha ha ha
I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.
http://www.bash.org/?top
this is the web sit
Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...
"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
Ok
I have found, definitive proof
that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
O_______O
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
The girl started crying and left class ^^
Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit
he was dressed as a big fuckin devil
like, HUGE costume
8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
at some anime con in california
they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
he's riding the elevator down to the con space
doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice
<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section
I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
It said my password wasn't long enough. :(
Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns
you know what's ALWAYS bothered me? cold cereal mascots
I mean that is just some FUCKED UP SHIT
the Trix rabbit, for example
I dunno man... if I were him I'd be fucking KILLING some kids
I remember a commercial where the fuckin rabbit WENT INTO A FUCKIN STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN FUCKIN MONEY.
fuckin kids came outta NOWHERE and basically fuckin mug the poor stupid bitch rabbit
"silly rabbit Trix are for kids"
Fuckin rabbit just sits there and looks depressed.
FUCK NO that wouldn't fly with me
I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those fuckin bitches
and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of them bitches and THEN beat the shit out of them some more.
and wtf is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a fuckin kid?
I dunno about you, but if I SAW a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think
"Hey, there's a cool lookin human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him"
NO.
I'd be thinking
"that's a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the FUCK was I just smoking?"
another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast"
last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast
they show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, a fuckin grapefruit... who the FUCK eats a breakfast that big
not me
I don't even EAT breakfast nomore
I mean, I eat when I get up
but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME"
bitch, you make my fucking sausage and egg sandwich when I pay you the fucking money
don't give me that shit.
Back to stupid cereal mascots...
Lucky Charms.
FUCKING LUCKY CHARMS
Lucky can turn the fucking MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of fucking 6 year olds?!?!?
C'mon now, Lucky.
I KNOW your bitch ass has got to have a "Blow the fucking kids up" spell SOMEWHERE
or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT those bitches.
"They're after me Lucky Charms!"
....
KILL THEM, BITCH!
I dunno why I went off on this rant here
it's just always bothered me."
#348498 +(3424)- [X]
.....................................................................
..................................
where's pacman when you need him?
#24262 +(3419)- [X]
I'd like to perform a one act play I call, "Creative screwed me like a bitch"
Buy me! I'm ever so sexy
ok. come home with me and we'll play among the stars
tee hee! I love you, boo!
I love you too, audigy
:: later ::
there, you're all installed. how do you feel?
down in front!
LET JESUS FUCK YOU! VRAAAGH!
* audience gasps.
* audigy is putting noise across your PCI channels
Mein leben!
* hard drive has died
Blaaah! blaaaugh! your mother sucks cocks in hell! graaagh!
aaieee
*modem has died
and the new modem I got connects at 32k tops
By far, that's the best one-act IRC play I've read this season. Do I smell a Tony award?
#128114 +(3417)- [X]
Time for my prayers:
Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.
#14258 +(3411)- [X]
a sprite is anything not static
a sprite is a variable object
be it 2d or 3d
a sprite is a fucking soda
you god damn geekass bastards
#376790 +(3408)- [X]
Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome
MaroonSand: no its not dude
#416857 +(3402)- [X]
why the fuck isn't my disc drive working
i fucking worked on that essay for three friggin' hours in school
i now i cant finish it 'cos my fuckin drive ain't working
you got the right drivers?
hell yes
it was working fine yesterday
why does this shit always happen to me?
maybe that little clip on the side is i nthe wrong position
i havent touched it since school
i'm growing impatient
ANGRY even
throw that shit out tha window
. . .
OMG i fuckin did it!!!
FUCK!!!!!
it works?
no, i threw it out the window
the disk?
NO the whole drive
i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash*
:D
FUCK SHIT FUCK
THE DISK WAS STILL INSIDE
brb
. . .
shit
what? did ya break it?
well i couldn't open the drive
so i had to pound it against a rock
:o
quite HARD
and you know what?
that fucking disk wasnt even there
???
i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway
and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag
lol
I NEVER EVEN PUT IT IN THE DRIVE
i'm actually cryin right now
. . .
wonder if i could make that drive work again
brb
haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
holy fuck.
i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
fucking ken
ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
oh fuck.
if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
i can't beleive how perfect their timing was
http://www.bash.org/?top
this is the web sit
Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...
"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
Ok
I have found, definitive proof
that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
O_______O
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
The girl started crying and left class ^^
Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit
he was dressed as a big fuckin devil
like, HUGE costume
8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
at some anime con in california
they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
he's riding the elevator down to the con space
doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice
<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section
I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
It said my password wasn't long enough. :(
Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns
you know what's ALWAYS bothered me? cold cereal mascots
I mean that is just some FUCKED UP SHIT
the Trix rabbit, for example
I dunno man... if I were him I'd be fucking KILLING some kids
I remember a commercial where the fuckin rabbit WENT INTO A FUCKIN STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN FUCKIN MONEY.
fuckin kids came outta NOWHERE and basically fuckin mug the poor stupid bitch rabbit
"silly rabbit Trix are for kids"
Fuckin rabbit just sits there and looks depressed.
FUCK NO that wouldn't fly with me
I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those fuckin bitches
and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of them bitches and THEN beat the shit out of them some more.
and wtf is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a fuckin kid?
I dunno about you, but if I SAW a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think
"Hey, there's a cool lookin human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him"
NO.
I'd be thinking
"that's a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the FUCK was I just smoking?"
another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast"
last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast
they show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, a fuckin grapefruit... who the FUCK eats a breakfast that big
not me
I don't even EAT breakfast nomore
I mean, I eat when I get up
but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME"
bitch, you make my fucking sausage and egg sandwich when I pay you the fucking money
don't give me that shit.
Back to stupid cereal mascots...
Lucky Charms.
FUCKING LUCKY CHARMS
Lucky can turn the fucking MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of fucking 6 year olds?!?!?
C'mon now, Lucky.
I KNOW your bitch ass has got to have a "Blow the fucking kids up" spell SOMEWHERE
or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT those bitches.
"They're after me Lucky Charms!"
....
KILL THEM, BITCH!
I dunno why I went off on this rant here
it's just always bothered me."
#348498 +(3424)- [X]
.....................................................................
..................................
where's pacman when you need him?
#24262 +(3419)- [X]
I'd like to perform a one act play I call, "Creative screwed me like a bitch"
Buy me! I'm ever so sexy
ok. come home with me and we'll play among the stars
tee hee! I love you, boo!
I love you too, audigy
:: later ::
there, you're all installed. how do you feel?
down in front!
LET JESUS FUCK YOU! VRAAAGH!
* audience gasps.
* audigy is putting noise across your PCI channels
Mein leben!
* hard drive has died
Blaaah! blaaaugh! your mother sucks cocks in hell! graaagh!
aaieee
*modem has died
and the new modem I got connects at 32k tops
By far, that's the best one-act IRC play I've read this season. Do I smell a Tony award?
#128114 +(3417)- [X]
Time for my prayers:
Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.
#14258 +(3411)- [X]
a sprite is anything not static
a sprite is a variable object
be it 2d or 3d
a sprite is a fucking soda
you god damn geekass bastards
#376790 +(3408)- [X]
Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome
MaroonSand: no its not dude
#416857 +(3402)- [X]
why the fuck isn't my disc drive working
i fucking worked on that essay for three friggin' hours in school
i now i cant finish it 'cos my fuckin drive ain't working
you got the right drivers?
hell yes
it was working fine yesterday
why does this shit always happen to me?
maybe that little clip on the side is i nthe wrong position
i havent touched it since school
i'm growing impatient
ANGRY even
throw that shit out tha window
. . .
OMG i fuckin did it!!!
FUCK!!!!!
it works?
no, i threw it out the window
the disk?
NO the whole drive
i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash*
:D
FUCK SHIT FUCK
THE DISK WAS STILL INSIDE
brb
. . .
shit
what? did ya break it?
well i couldn't open the drive
so i had to pound it against a rock
:o
quite HARD
and you know what?
that fucking disk wasnt even there
???
i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway
and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag
lol
I NEVER EVEN PUT IT IN THE DRIVE
i'm actually cryin right now
. . .
wonder if i could make that drive work again
brb
haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
holy fuck.
i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
fucking ken
ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
oh fuck.
if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
i can't beleive how perfect their timing was