(no subject)
I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm sure stress has put me into a relapse, only this time it's mental. Most of my cognitive ability has gone to shit. I feel completely alone. I don't have it in me to continue to burden my family with this fucking disease, so besides this post, I have to find a way to just push it down, and pretend I'm ok. I am so not ok.
I'm not asking for attention, I just have no one to talk to. I've been sitting at the lake for the last hour with iTunes blasting so loud on my ears I drown out my own screams. My boy has moved out. He says he is trying to rebuild his life brick by brick, but I'm knocking his walls down, and it's "tremendously horrible". My MIL called last night to tell me I'm not trying hard enough, and Dave is saying, in a very nice way, to just get over it, or bury it, or whatever it is he is trying to say. Sarah and Shay has seen me cry far too much. I'm losing weight because of stress..I'm under 140 lbs. it's not healthy. I know that I need to take care of myself, but when my family is falling apart, and I'm barely hanging on, it's tough. I am tired. I need someone to tell me what to do now. My head is spinning.
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