(no subject)
so i did it... i said "i love you".
its something i needed to do.
he could have been shitty and not said anything...
...or just said "crystal you're drunk", which I wasn't.
instead he said "I don't know how to respond to that, it comes as a huge shock. I appreciate the fact that you feel like that, but i'm in no position to return that same kind of emotion and feeling. I'm a shitbag I know this, I do what I can, and by me being able to squash our past and move on from that is a big step."
it's not terrible. and it's true.
i didn't expect him to tell me he loved me.
but for some reason i'm crying... again.
i know that i expect too much from him. not sometimes, but all the time.
i'm starting to understand that I need to put his feelings into consideration, and not only mine.
i just dumped that on him. he wasn't expecting it.
it's not like we get along amazingly.
maybe it's just hard for him to show it when he cares about someone...
...i know he cares about me.
or else he wouldn't still be around.
i know i make it hard.
maybe i was wrong to say that to him.
maybe i'm just wrong about him all around.
maybe i'm not.
i really feel like i don't know anything right now.
what to say
how to feel
if i'm overreacting.
...i just don't know.
its something i needed to do.
he could have been shitty and not said anything...
...or just said "crystal you're drunk", which I wasn't.
instead he said "I don't know how to respond to that, it comes as a huge shock. I appreciate the fact that you feel like that, but i'm in no position to return that same kind of emotion and feeling. I'm a shitbag I know this, I do what I can, and by me being able to squash our past and move on from that is a big step."
it's not terrible. and it's true.
i didn't expect him to tell me he loved me.
but for some reason i'm crying... again.
i know that i expect too much from him. not sometimes, but all the time.
i'm starting to understand that I need to put his feelings into consideration, and not only mine.
i just dumped that on him. he wasn't expecting it.
it's not like we get along amazingly.
maybe it's just hard for him to show it when he cares about someone...
...i know he cares about me.
or else he wouldn't still be around.
i know i make it hard.
maybe i was wrong to say that to him.
maybe i'm just wrong about him all around.
maybe i'm not.
i really feel like i don't know anything right now.
what to say
how to feel
if i'm overreacting.
...i just don't know.