Friends

Jun 24, 2005 14:50


Well I need to say I'm pretty grateful for the great people I have in my life. I talked to my friend K and she was very spiritual today. It's nice to see the people you know in sobriety grow. Gives the rest of us reassurance that we're on the right path. I have great friends, really the best family a guy could ask for. I know my place in the world too. That's a great blessing. I'm grateful for my life. I don't know there's the wedding tommorow. K reminded me that those can make some people depressed. Funnily enough I wasn't until then :P. I think way too much about how I traded in my family for another bottle of cheap vodka. I idealize them. None of us was really happy and the fact is we're all better off (by far) today. I think it's my own private pity-party. Whenever I need a downer I just think of the wonderful times then how I lost it with drinking. It's been 5 years now so I know whatever I remember doesn't have much to do with reality. Too clouded by time and dead brain cells and the fumes of the alcoholic fog I was in the whole time that was going on. I think it's really my place holder for whatever life has in store for me. Until I find the next place I feel extremely happy I won't let go of my fantasy of having been happy. Of course it was miserable. Now I squander the minutes and hours that might have been worthwhile. But not all the time. Not nearly as much as I used to. I guess I've grown too. I'm going to have the best day possible today. A friend told me something very powerful in a letter today. I had said that the best is yet to come. They thought that the best is NOW. Yeah I love that. Why hope for a better tommorow when you should be making today the best it can be. Good looking out my friend.
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