organza, silk, tulle, and rayon.

[molsabeth]

So I'm standing in front of the full length mirror in a crimson bridesmaid's dress, and it fits (which without being altered is nothing short of a miracle for my body). And while I am indeed scowling slightly at my reflection, I am not thinking "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride" or "When will it be ME?" but rather, "I look so fucking conventional". Which is what all these weddings seem to be. And I know it's not about me, and it shouldn't be, but these dresses, whether they be "apple" or "coral" or whatever brainiacs are in charge of making up fabric colour names, in my mind these dresses stand for what seems to be expected of young women, in their verrry early 20s, to do. Get married. So freaking young. I am not bitter because I am not getting married anytime soon. I am slightly bitter because it's as if I'm being told "Ok. so you're a really good friend and I want you to be in my wedding. (Read: I don't have many other friends and we've gotta match the 5 groomsmen). And you have to pay $60 to get your hair and makeup done and buy me gifts that I tell you to where I tell you to get them from, and please wear these specific kind of shoes and also you have to pay for your dress." I can't help but think, if my peers waited just a few more years to get married, they might be more financially stable and thus be able to pay for the honour of their "friends" to be in their weddings. Because, really, it IS an honour. barf. I hope that if the day comes when I do get married that a) it is about the marriage and not the f-ing wedding and b) I have the mindset to do things on a small scale. because what's one day versus a lifetime? Although with 51% of all US marriages ending in divorce, maybe I should take out the word "lifetime".

I won't even go into how sometimes this all feels like the Sex and the City episode where Carrie throws a wedding shower because she is getting married to "herself" and is registered only at Manolo Blahnik. I am only 22. and I do think people should celebrate their friends whether they choose to get married or not.

so there.