Happy New Year?
Hello. I am still alive - barely. It seems one of Mom's New Year's resolutions is to (a) scare the crap out of me and (b) feed me nothing.
Working backwards: Today, Mom was feeding me what she calls 'breakfast' (anyone normal would call it a snack - a diet one at that) and was all - 'Damn, I forgot to pick up more food. If I don't remember, you're going hungry tonight.' and then she LAUGHED like it was funny. WTF? I was like totally traumatized. Luckily she came home with more food but I spent like 7 hours totally worried that I was going to go hungrier since the 'meal' this morning was totally unsatisfying. I don't have any fat left, okay? Not that I had that much to begin with but at this point if I stop eating my body is totally going to attack and feed on itself and I'm going to wake up without an ear or something. From hunger.
Then - then meaning earlier not later like it might, okay? - I threw a party on New Year's Eve for some friends and Mom who was like totally alone and stuff and I felt bad for her, okay? I'm a caring dog. Anyway, so everyone came over and we hung out and stuff (and I got to eat nothing - Mom worked it out that all the food was *vegetarian* AND on the table which is very tall and I am not so much *le sigh*) and then Mom's all 'we should go see the fireworks' so she got out my ride and we all walked up to 72nd Street and Central Park West to watch the 'fireworks' at midnight.
First, these were NOT fireworks. Fireworks are totally far away and sort of boring but Mom seems to like them. These were like totally LOUD and on top of us. We were in total danger, okay? Fire raining from the sky and landing totally near us I'm sure. And I'm pretty sure fur is flammable. I mean, I haven't tested it but I'm willing to take that on faith. And these days I have a LOT of fur. I could totally go up at any time, okay? I was like 'GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE' and Mom gave me a hug and stuff but she KEPT me there until it was over. WTF?
And then when we got home she opened champagne and that made a loud pop and I thought we were back at the 'fireworks of DEATH' again. NOT COOL.
Overall, it was EXTREMELY traumatic and stuff and did I get a bone for consolation when I got home? Um, no. I got nothing but a pat on the head. WTF?
Working backwards: Today, Mom was feeding me what she calls 'breakfast' (anyone normal would call it a snack - a diet one at that) and was all - 'Damn, I forgot to pick up more food. If I don't remember, you're going hungry tonight.' and then she LAUGHED like it was funny. WTF? I was like totally traumatized. Luckily she came home with more food but I spent like 7 hours totally worried that I was going to go hungrier since the 'meal' this morning was totally unsatisfying. I don't have any fat left, okay? Not that I had that much to begin with but at this point if I stop eating my body is totally going to attack and feed on itself and I'm going to wake up without an ear or something. From hunger.
Then - then meaning earlier not later like it might, okay? - I threw a party on New Year's Eve for some friends and Mom who was like totally alone and stuff and I felt bad for her, okay? I'm a caring dog. Anyway, so everyone came over and we hung out and stuff (and I got to eat nothing - Mom worked it out that all the food was *vegetarian* AND on the table which is very tall and I am not so much *le sigh*) and then Mom's all 'we should go see the fireworks' so she got out my ride and we all walked up to 72nd Street and Central Park West to watch the 'fireworks' at midnight.
First, these were NOT fireworks. Fireworks are totally far away and sort of boring but Mom seems to like them. These were like totally LOUD and on top of us. We were in total danger, okay? Fire raining from the sky and landing totally near us I'm sure. And I'm pretty sure fur is flammable. I mean, I haven't tested it but I'm willing to take that on faith. And these days I have a LOT of fur. I could totally go up at any time, okay? I was like 'GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE' and Mom gave me a hug and stuff but she KEPT me there until it was over. WTF?
And then when we got home she opened champagne and that made a loud pop and I thought we were back at the 'fireworks of DEATH' again. NOT COOL.
Overall, it was EXTREMELY traumatic and stuff and did I get a bone for consolation when I got home? Um, no. I got nothing but a pat on the head. WTF?