Recommended reading: Frodo Hill
Happy New Year!
As earlier promised, I give you this fanfic recommendation to while away the idle hours:
http://members.aol.com/Brumblepop/fics/fh/index.html
"Frodo Hill: Memoirs of a Hobbit of Pleasure," by the fair teasel. Highbrow fanfic - highbrow slash fanfic at that - which is also comedy on top of everything else - yes, my children, I am overjoyed to report that it does exist.
You've always wished LOTR had more whores, right? Sure - we all do. And our prayers have been answered. In this fic, Faramir, upon capturing Frodo, delivers him to a brothel in Osgiliath, where a bevy of Ladies Of Pleasure take care of him and listen to his sad (but hilarious) tale of thwarted love.
And it's written entirely in the manner of bawdy novels from the 1700s. (Modeled on John Cleland's Fanny Hill, to be specific.) Here's the warning from the front page:
WARNING: The Tale concerns Passions uniting Gentlemen with other Gentlemen, with Ladies, and in a single unfortunate Instance, with a Goat of indeterminate Gender. Those squick'd by a Love between Gentlemen of different Species may be displeased by some short Episodes in the earlier part of the Tale; while those dismay'd by Loves between Hobbits will be greatly disappointed by the Tale's affecting Conclusion.
A further warning, from the top of the first installment:
Warnings: Obsolete language, spelling, and punctuation that will drive many readers out of their minds. Slash, Mary Sues (four of them), OMC (eventually), rentboy!Frodo (well, almost), interspecies (at first), interhobbit (in the happy ending), goats, pastiche.
Yes, it's slash, in that the main pairing is Frodo/Sam, with quite a healthy dose of Frodo/Faramir thrown in. But, for one thing, there's a huge assortment of females in it to balance things out; and for another, Teasel kindly offers you the option, in the final installment, of avoiding the smut: you get to choose either the "theatrical release (PG)", or the "extended release (NC-17)". Anyone who knows me already knows which one I chose. Ahem. :)
However, the smut and the slash and even the goat really aren't offensive, especially couched in the satirical language in which the whole story is written. It's well worth a read even if you don't normally read any of those things. Her side observations on various topics are too funny to miss. It is, dare I say it, scholarly. Examples:
Let others whisper in dark Corners of the Horrors of Orcs and Balrogs, of the evil Practices current among Certified Public Accountants. Only the dark Passion of a Lawyer can engulf the very World in endless Night...
And...
For while we all of us claim to wish Happiness upon those we love, if Truth be told, Madame, there is nothing more painful than to see them find that Happiness in the Arms of another. In such a Case, even Ladies of the greatest Virtue oft have sought some convenient Means to vent their Spleen against the Winner in the Combat of Love: viz., selling her Dog to a Band of Gypsies, painting her House a violent Shade of Pink, or insinuating amongst Friends that her Hair is not her own.
teasel, what can I say? Except: you rock my world.
Enough from me. Go read! And be sure to read the introduction as well. You wouldn't want to miss the mention of Pippin being used as a condiments tray in Minas Tirith.
As earlier promised, I give you this fanfic recommendation to while away the idle hours:
http://members.aol.com/Brumblepop/fics/fh/index.html
"Frodo Hill: Memoirs of a Hobbit of Pleasure," by the fair teasel. Highbrow fanfic - highbrow slash fanfic at that - which is also comedy on top of everything else - yes, my children, I am overjoyed to report that it does exist.
You've always wished LOTR had more whores, right? Sure - we all do. And our prayers have been answered. In this fic, Faramir, upon capturing Frodo, delivers him to a brothel in Osgiliath, where a bevy of Ladies Of Pleasure take care of him and listen to his sad (but hilarious) tale of thwarted love.
And it's written entirely in the manner of bawdy novels from the 1700s. (Modeled on John Cleland's Fanny Hill, to be specific.) Here's the warning from the front page:
WARNING: The Tale concerns Passions uniting Gentlemen with other Gentlemen, with Ladies, and in a single unfortunate Instance, with a Goat of indeterminate Gender. Those squick'd by a Love between Gentlemen of different Species may be displeased by some short Episodes in the earlier part of the Tale; while those dismay'd by Loves between Hobbits will be greatly disappointed by the Tale's affecting Conclusion.
A further warning, from the top of the first installment:
Warnings: Obsolete language, spelling, and punctuation that will drive many readers out of their minds. Slash, Mary Sues (four of them), OMC (eventually), rentboy!Frodo (well, almost), interspecies (at first), interhobbit (in the happy ending), goats, pastiche.
Yes, it's slash, in that the main pairing is Frodo/Sam, with quite a healthy dose of Frodo/Faramir thrown in. But, for one thing, there's a huge assortment of females in it to balance things out; and for another, Teasel kindly offers you the option, in the final installment, of avoiding the smut: you get to choose either the "theatrical release (PG)", or the "extended release (NC-17)". Anyone who knows me already knows which one I chose. Ahem. :)
However, the smut and the slash and even the goat really aren't offensive, especially couched in the satirical language in which the whole story is written. It's well worth a read even if you don't normally read any of those things. Her side observations on various topics are too funny to miss. It is, dare I say it, scholarly. Examples:
Let others whisper in dark Corners of the Horrors of Orcs and Balrogs, of the evil Practices current among Certified Public Accountants. Only the dark Passion of a Lawyer can engulf the very World in endless Night...
And...
For while we all of us claim to wish Happiness upon those we love, if Truth be told, Madame, there is nothing more painful than to see them find that Happiness in the Arms of another. In such a Case, even Ladies of the greatest Virtue oft have sought some convenient Means to vent their Spleen against the Winner in the Combat of Love: viz., selling her Dog to a Band of Gypsies, painting her House a violent Shade of Pink, or insinuating amongst Friends that her Hair is not her own.
teasel, what can I say? Except: you rock my world.
Enough from me. Go read! And be sure to read the introduction as well. You wouldn't want to miss the mention of Pippin being used as a condiments tray in Minas Tirith.