HP meets BtVS
Hey, guess what? I've figured out what's going to happen in the seventh Harry Potter book! Harry needs to go to evil "deathly hallow" type of places to find the Horcruxes, right? Well, what location could possibly be more evil than the Hellmouth itself: Sunnydale, California?
Harry's seventh volume will take place in the school year 1997-1998 if my calculations are correct, which places him in season 2 of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". He and his classmates are about the same age as the Scooby gang at that time--around 17. Accordingly, I am sure we will be seeing scenes such as these:
HARRY, HERMIONE, and RON sweep into the Sunnydale High Library. XANDER, WILLOW, and BUFFY look up from the table; GILES hovers in the background.
HERMIONE: Hello. We're a delegation of students from Hogwarts Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Would this be the Hellmouth, by any chance?
XANDER: I'm sorry, you're the whosit of what now?
WILLOW: There's a witchcraft school? Hey, coolness! Think I could do a year abroad?
HARRY: We're in search of the Horcruxes. We're out to defeat Voldemort. Tell us where they are.
XANDER: Sorry, crumpet, still not following ya.
RON: Um, evil things? They look like...well, bloody hell, they can look like anything; that's the trouble, isn't it...
GILES: Good Lord. Hogwarts, did you say?
BUFFY: So this is a real place and not just crazy new kids babbling nonsense?
GILES: Yes, yes, it's quite a prestigious academy. Would have studied there myself, but er...well--my dabbling in the, er, dark arts rather barred me from admittance. [clears throat] Or from coming within ten miles of the school grounds. For life. [turns away and polishes his glasses]
BUFFY: [twirling a wooden stake] I think a little training's in order. Don't you, Giles?
GILES: Well, actually Buffy, I'm not certain we--
HARRY: [snarling and flourishing wand] A duel? My pleasure! Expelli --oof! [BUFFY has kicked him across the room and sent his wand flying]
BUFFY: [catches HARRY's wand and examines it] How cute. You could use it to stake vamps *or* eat Chinese food.
HERMIONE: It's very important we defeat Voldemort, you see. Already his followers have killed our favorite teacher.
WILLOW: Oh my God, here too! I mean, not Voldi-Guy, but the dead teacher thing--see, there's this vampire Angel, and this teacher Miss Calendar who--well, long story, but I *totally* understand.
CORDELIA: [to HERMIONE] Okay, wow, I have three words for you: "leave-in conditioner". [pauses, frowns] Or is that only two words?
HERMIONE: Honestly! You're rude, vain, shallow--
CORDELIA: Whoa, hey, I'm just trying to help. I mean, your fashion deficiencies really aren't your own fault, with you being British and all, but you can rise above that! Just look at Liz Hurley!
OZ: So werewolves can teach at your school, huh?
HERMIONE: Well, *one* did, but he was kicked out. It was completely unfair. He's totally normal and harmless as long as he takes his potion.
OZ: There's a potion?
SPIKE: Well, well, well. Hogwarts kiddies, eh? I tasted quite a few of those in my time.
RON: C-c-could he really get into our school?
HERMIONE: [scornfully] No, he couldn't. There's all kinds of magic shields stopping *his* type from entering.
SPIKE: Yeah, but they don't stop the girlies from slipping off the grounds, do they?
BUFFY: As if any sane girl would climb out her window to meet *you*.
SPIKE: Oh, you'd be surprised, cupcake. Some of those witchy lassies were actually quite keen on meeting a bloke who had a bit more than a *broomstick* between his legs.
...I guess it was kind of inevitable that I would write something like this, one of these days.
Harry's seventh volume will take place in the school year 1997-1998 if my calculations are correct, which places him in season 2 of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". He and his classmates are about the same age as the Scooby gang at that time--around 17. Accordingly, I am sure we will be seeing scenes such as these:
HARRY, HERMIONE, and RON sweep into the Sunnydale High Library. XANDER, WILLOW, and BUFFY look up from the table; GILES hovers in the background.
HERMIONE: Hello. We're a delegation of students from Hogwarts Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Would this be the Hellmouth, by any chance?
XANDER: I'm sorry, you're the whosit of what now?
WILLOW: There's a witchcraft school? Hey, coolness! Think I could do a year abroad?
HARRY: We're in search of the Horcruxes. We're out to defeat Voldemort. Tell us where they are.
XANDER: Sorry, crumpet, still not following ya.
RON: Um, evil things? They look like...well, bloody hell, they can look like anything; that's the trouble, isn't it...
GILES: Good Lord. Hogwarts, did you say?
BUFFY: So this is a real place and not just crazy new kids babbling nonsense?
GILES: Yes, yes, it's quite a prestigious academy. Would have studied there myself, but er...well--my dabbling in the, er, dark arts rather barred me from admittance. [clears throat] Or from coming within ten miles of the school grounds. For life. [turns away and polishes his glasses]
BUFFY: [twirling a wooden stake] I think a little training's in order. Don't you, Giles?
GILES: Well, actually Buffy, I'm not certain we--
HARRY: [snarling and flourishing wand] A duel? My pleasure! Expelli --oof! [BUFFY has kicked him across the room and sent his wand flying]
BUFFY: [catches HARRY's wand and examines it] How cute. You could use it to stake vamps *or* eat Chinese food.
HERMIONE: It's very important we defeat Voldemort, you see. Already his followers have killed our favorite teacher.
WILLOW: Oh my God, here too! I mean, not Voldi-Guy, but the dead teacher thing--see, there's this vampire Angel, and this teacher Miss Calendar who--well, long story, but I *totally* understand.
CORDELIA: [to HERMIONE] Okay, wow, I have three words for you: "leave-in conditioner". [pauses, frowns] Or is that only two words?
HERMIONE: Honestly! You're rude, vain, shallow--
CORDELIA: Whoa, hey, I'm just trying to help. I mean, your fashion deficiencies really aren't your own fault, with you being British and all, but you can rise above that! Just look at Liz Hurley!
OZ: So werewolves can teach at your school, huh?
HERMIONE: Well, *one* did, but he was kicked out. It was completely unfair. He's totally normal and harmless as long as he takes his potion.
OZ: There's a potion?
SPIKE: Well, well, well. Hogwarts kiddies, eh? I tasted quite a few of those in my time.
RON: C-c-could he really get into our school?
HERMIONE: [scornfully] No, he couldn't. There's all kinds of magic shields stopping *his* type from entering.
SPIKE: Yeah, but they don't stop the girlies from slipping off the grounds, do they?
BUFFY: As if any sane girl would climb out her window to meet *you*.
SPIKE: Oh, you'd be surprised, cupcake. Some of those witchy lassies were actually quite keen on meeting a bloke who had a bit more than a *broomstick* between his legs.
...I guess it was kind of inevitable that I would write something like this, one of these days.