Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - cinematic version
And now, a brief review (with spoilers), of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, in the form of a series of letters to various involved personages:
1. Dear James & Oliver Phelps [Fred & George]: Your hair may have looked like a Vidal Sassoon commercial from the 1980s, but you were still the funniest and most relentlessly optimistic characters around.
2. Dear hairdressers in general: In fact, what was with the shaggy hair on most of the central characters? I got used to it in general, but Harry's lion-'do never quite stopped being distracting. Are we supposed to infer that Draco's rich by the fact that he can regularly find a hairdresser and a comb?
3. Dear Jarvis Cocker: I heard you, darling, but I barely saw you. I'm sorry you ended up on the cutting room floor. Songs sounded decent, though.
4. Dear makeup people: Robert Pattinson [Cedric] is quite good-looking enough on his own. You didn't need to put blush on him like that.
5. Dear Stanislav Ianevski [Viktor Krum]: I'm not usually interested in surly athletes with shaved heads, but you are rather sweet, aren't you?
6. Dear CGI people: Cool work with the horntail, especially the way it gripped and clawed its way around those tower roofs.
7. Dear Ralph Fiennes [Our Dark Lord Voldy]: Dude, I never would have recognized you. Teeth aren't looking so hot, but your voice is still beautiful.
8. Dear Alan Rickman [Snape]: I do wish they'd given you more to do, you lovely sarcastic man. Even at rolling up your sleeves you're a genius.
9. Dear Katie Leung [Cho]: Wow, you're Scottish! Who knew?
10. Dear screenwriters: Hey, didn't you cut some subplot about Hermione trying to free the house-elves? And wasn't Dobby missing from the movie too? And--oh wait a minute, those are both good things.
11. Dear Mike Newell: *applause* Thank you so much for all the comedy, and thank you as well for then turning and plunging into catastrophic tragedy with practically no holds barred. That decision to have Harry sobbing when he brings Cedric's body back--yours, was it? If so, extra applause. Much better for conveying panicked desolation of the moment than the catatonic-book-Harry would have been. And by the way, dear Daniel Radcliffe: nice job on that scene. I confess, I wasn't sure you had it in you. I recant now.
P.S. I predicted to my husband, before the movie started, that there would be six previews and a commercial. I was exactly right. Hah. King Kong looks wicked cool, though, eh? (Husband: "I didn't know Jack Black was in it. Now I'll see it.")
1. Dear James & Oliver Phelps [Fred & George]: Your hair may have looked like a Vidal Sassoon commercial from the 1980s, but you were still the funniest and most relentlessly optimistic characters around.
2. Dear hairdressers in general: In fact, what was with the shaggy hair on most of the central characters? I got used to it in general, but Harry's lion-'do never quite stopped being distracting. Are we supposed to infer that Draco's rich by the fact that he can regularly find a hairdresser and a comb?
3. Dear Jarvis Cocker: I heard you, darling, but I barely saw you. I'm sorry you ended up on the cutting room floor. Songs sounded decent, though.
4. Dear makeup people: Robert Pattinson [Cedric] is quite good-looking enough on his own. You didn't need to put blush on him like that.
5. Dear Stanislav Ianevski [Viktor Krum]: I'm not usually interested in surly athletes with shaved heads, but you are rather sweet, aren't you?
6. Dear CGI people: Cool work with the horntail, especially the way it gripped and clawed its way around those tower roofs.
7. Dear Ralph Fiennes [Our Dark Lord Voldy]: Dude, I never would have recognized you. Teeth aren't looking so hot, but your voice is still beautiful.
8. Dear Alan Rickman [Snape]: I do wish they'd given you more to do, you lovely sarcastic man. Even at rolling up your sleeves you're a genius.
9. Dear Katie Leung [Cho]: Wow, you're Scottish! Who knew?
10. Dear screenwriters: Hey, didn't you cut some subplot about Hermione trying to free the house-elves? And wasn't Dobby missing from the movie too? And--oh wait a minute, those are both good things.
11. Dear Mike Newell: *applause* Thank you so much for all the comedy, and thank you as well for then turning and plunging into catastrophic tragedy with practically no holds barred. That decision to have Harry sobbing when he brings Cedric's body back--yours, was it? If so, extra applause. Much better for conveying panicked desolation of the moment than the catatonic-book-Harry would have been. And by the way, dear Daniel Radcliffe: nice job on that scene. I confess, I wasn't sure you had it in you. I recant now.
P.S. I predicted to my husband, before the movie started, that there would be six previews and a commercial. I was exactly right. Hah. King Kong looks wicked cool, though, eh? (Husband: "I didn't know Jack Black was in it. Now I'll see it.")